Hi all
my 3 year old daughter can sense it and acts much more disruptively
Oh yes... children sense that you are not at your best, and then push the limits as far as they can!
I firmly believe that the only way to deal with tantrums is to use diversion and negotiation
I also find that ignoring it also helps... I remember an event a good few years back with Alex when he was 3. We were out shopping and he threw a paddy outside WHSmith. I just sat down on the floor, yes, in the shopping mall, and waited for him to finish. A crowd of onlookers formed, but Alex wasn't wanting their attention, he wanted mine - and that was not going to happen until he stopped kicking and screaming. He soon stopped once I ignored him. So, ignoring can work at times.
ie brushing teeth, putting shoes on etc!
If they trantrum over these sorts of things, I find it helpful to get them in to a routine. Try to brush teeth at the same times each day. Once it's a regular event, it becomes second nature.
This is tiring, draining and at the moments when it doesn't work, frustrating so losing your rag seems the only thing left to do!
Oh yes... I find that sometimes the only thing to do is to put the child somewhere fairly safe - in their bedroom for example, and for me to leave them alone for a while - often making a nice cup of tea and sitting in the kitchen. Though of course there are times when it's not possible to do this - for instance when they refuse to put shoes on, coat on etc, before going out. Then I just do it for them or don't bother depending on the situation.
If anyone can offer any alternatives to 'counting to 10' when you feel like you are going to lose it with your kids then let me know because I've never heard anything so unrealistic in my life!!!
See above... and also, when it's a something they must do... then I've been known to use the 1...2..3 method. Basically you need to decide on what will happen if you get to three. It needs to be something effective for your child, and instant - for example, this is one situation where I will smack a child. The child knows this will happen if 3 is reached, and therefore will... most of the time... cooperate before the dredded 3. It is important that you make sure your child understands what will happen if you get to 3, as it then becomes their choice.
Good luck.