Nanna, Grandad & their Dangerous Dog :(

[Levanna]

I'm really, really angry about this! My in-laws bought a dog a few months after my DD was born. She (due to lack of excercise and training) has become the most volatile dog I have ever known. (We had loads of dogs when I was younger, several at a time). She has attemped to attack EVERYONE who has ever visited the house. Me, my DH, my sister and brothers in-law, my parents in law, the postman/lady, delivery people, window cleaner, etc. I never allow contact between her and my DD, for obvious reasons.
This evening, my FIL left the room I was in with my DD, and after several minutes, I follwed, to see what they were up to. He was crouching down with my DD on his knee, and this dog at her face level......again. I've made my feelings about the dog absolutely clear. When I entered the room, my FIL stood straight up, with my DD in his arms, so is very aware of how I feel. I left shortly after this with my DD, though I didn't say anything, as I'm extremely hormonal (pg!) at present, (which is probably why I'm sitting here shaking with anger right now!) and know that 'on the hop' I'd probably have dealt with the situation extremely badly.
I'm most angry that this dog, is obviously not safe to have around children, so why let her any where near my DD? Secondly that I am being undermined over an aspect of my daughters safety. (Which of course, I take very seriously.)
I'm hoping someone/anyone! might have experience of this sort of situation, or just a suggestion as to how to resolve it amicably. Because until it's sorted out, I wont be taking my DD there again.

I would be really angry too. If you don't want to be too abrupt, could you not make up a little white lie, say someone you know had a D/D or D/S, and a dog attacked her. Say that before hand the dog was very timid. So with their dog being aggresive(sp?) it makes you worry even more. then ask that next time you visit, could they lock the dog outside.

Hi Levanna, I'd be really angry too. And I would react just like you. What is your DH/DP saying about this, since it's his parents' dog we're talking about? Does he feel the same as you? Has he had a word with them about it? Sorry I can't be more helpful, hope someone else can

well even with lovely dogs I don't trust my dd with them, not because I am paroniod mother, but she doesn't know how to stroke them. She might mean to stroke them and pinch them by mistake or pull their tail and its their natural instinct to snap isn't it.
I don't think you over-reacted. I am sure 99% of the time it will be fine, but could you ever forgive youself that 1% if your dd got bitten.

Exactly right cazzybabs. That is what i was trying to get at. (though it didn't come across that way!) A friend of mine did get bitten by what everyone thought was a very timid dog when she was little, well before i knew her. She still has terrible scars to this day on her face.
You can never be too carefull.

I absolutely love dogs, have always owned one and will be getting one hopefully sometime this year. Ds twins are 2.

However, under no circumstances would I leave a dog with the boys unsupervised (more for the poor dogs sake!) This includes my parents dog who dotes on the boys and vica versa.

This dog sounds like a bomb about to go off, your PIL should be ashamed at putting their DGD at risk like that and you are right to be angry,Levanna, I would be too. Like Mammaya said, what does DH say about it all?

Perhaps telling them that the dog makes you uncomfortable and let it be known if the dog is in the room you and dd won't be, will get the message across. They will be miffed but better that than have something god-awful happen to your dd (or any of the rest of the family for that matter!)

You are right to be totally furious. What an idiotic FIL - what madness. Get your dh / dp to have words with them - serious words!!!

I would be furious too. Many dog owners live in a world of their own unfortunately.....

Message withdrawn

I had to speak to my FIL about a similar situation when my dd was 14 months. They look after a dog for their son when he's on night shift and it is one of those yapping dogs that needs to be trained properly imo. My dd was in the litchen with fil and apparently he let the dog in and she had this dog right in her face barking (they were about the same size) and she took fright - frozen to the spot screaming crying with fear in her eyes and he never took the dog away or lifted her up. I ran into the room when I heard the noise and asked him to get the dog out. When he returned he said it would never bite and his tone inferred I was over reacting. I simply replied that all owners say that until the dog does bite. I like animals but well behaved ones. My dd is now nearly 3.6 yo and is afraid of dogs and I think that is quite sad. Now when we visit they do not look after the dog because of dd and all because no-one thinks it needs formal training or wants to pay for it more like. If this dog had been trained dd would not have a problem and nor would I or dh and now this dog is banished to a lonely life in the garden when we are there

I agree with Secur. Just make sure that your DH is shoulder to shoulder with you. I don't think you need to make them feel bad, you can explain that it's because the dog is young, still in training etc, and emphasising that you feel happier with a better safe than sorry strategy, which will be better for your DDs long-term confidence with dogs, and also you wouldn't want your PIL to feel responsible if the dog did get 'over-excited'. Also, was your MIL aware of your FILs stupid behaviour?

levanna - can completely understand your fears. About 6 months ago my DS (27months) was bitten by a labrador puppy in a park. Fortunately it wasn't too bad but it could have been ALOT worse. The dog was just young and over excited and as soon as I saw it running over and moved to pick DS up but too late. It bit him on the face Owners were straight away "oh it didn't bite him, it's just overexcited" but then they saw the blood and went very pale.

So if a fairly placid (albeit young) dog can do that I would be very concerned about your situation. Just spell it out that you will not accept it. I think it can be difficult with in-laws as they can have the tendancy to do the "oh she just being over protective, she forgets we've brought up children too" and then completely ignore what you say. I think secur's approach is a good one.

Hi, thanks for your support and advice. I ought to bring you up to date on what I've tried so far to get this sorted out! My MIL asked me not so long ago what they should do about the dog. I suggested taking her to training classes (when she was younger I even offered to take her myself, but I also thought it would defeat the object of the dog learning who's 'boss' in her own family IYKWIM?) I also suggested they excercise her more (a lot more, her mother was a working sheepdog, and this dog is obviously not meant to be a 'city' dog, with little excercise). I've pointed out that soon enough, my DD will be able to open all the doors in their house (she already can at home, but their handles are slightly higher) and that keeping the two apart will become practically impossible. They wont leave her out while we are there, as she's a real barker. I've pointed out the possible repurcussions of if the dog does actually injure anyone (including my DD, myself and my DH). The possibility of the dog being removed from them, put down, or of them being sued.
Please don't get me wrong, I love dogs, and I have let my DD 'play' (under strict supervision!) with a friends dog whom I've known for years, and has an impeccable record with young children. It's just that I know a dodgy dog when I see one! I will again try to speak with my IL's, I have got my DH's absolute support and agreement that Dog can't be allowed near DD. An added difficulty (not an unusual one I should imagine!) is that though we get on extremely well with PIL, MIL is volatile herself at the best of times and tends to take any 'suggestions' as a slight on herself as a person. I completely agree that (as Secur said) I'd rather upset them, than risk my DD. It's just that I really feel now that I have maybe one chance left of sorting this out effectively. As I write, I'm realising that bringing my DH in to do something like speak with HIS parents, rather than 'sitting on the fence' could be the most effective route. It just seems to be an unwritten law within his family, that his parents are never questioned, about anything. But, his priority is definitely DD, so hopefully he wont find it too hard!

Message withdrawn

Sounds just like just the sort of thing my FIL would do (if they had a dog) No advice just much sympathy. I have spent too many hours shaking with rage due to things my FIL has done, hence we just don't visit them anymore

Levanna, stick by your guns. The potential consequences are far too serious. My stepdaughter had her face ripped open when she was a toddler by a dog that the owners had assured my dh was "ok with children." She was toddling along tripped and fell towards the dog. It leapt at her and bit her face and ripped her nose and mouth. All of this happened right in front of my dh. She had to have plastic surgery and now at 15 still has a scar. I won't trust any dog near a toddler....regardless of what the owners say.

My dd was almost bitten by my brothers dog The dog had been in our family for about 6 yrs and shortly after dd was born my brother was holding her and the dog just flew across the room at her, jelous I think but so scary at the time, my brother knocked the dog to the ground using a push but later that day the dog was neutered and never allowed in the house when dd's there.

If anyone had said to us that the dog would attack we'd have laughed but it's suprising even when you know a dog realy well you never know exactly what they're going to do.

I'd be angry and demand that they sort the dog out or I'd refuse to visit them at home and make them come to me minus the dog.

HTH

levanna, my dd (who is 12) was bitten by a dog last year (and the dog had no history of being aggressive, in fact we are pretty sure it was just over-excited rather than trying to attack, and dd wasn't winding the dog up either!) - like sofiaames' stepdaughter, dd had to have plastic surgery (the dog had bitten a chunk out of the middle of her top lip) and she will always have a scar there. It was a horrible, horrible experience for everyone.

You are definitely right to be extremely concerned about the dog - get DH to have stern words with the in-laws! Good luck x

It's looking up! I'd intended to leave DH to sort this out, but, my MIL called me one evening, and I really felt I ought to talk with her about it. Somehow, I kept my cool, while she went on to blame her dogs behaviour on others (namely, me?!), I didn't rise to it, reiterated my feelings, and said that I wouldn't be visiting with my DD, 'till something was sorted out. I made it clear that I considered it a shame as both DD and I really enjoy visiting (apart from the dog!) and that they are welcome to visit us at our house anytime. But, that I'm not prepared to risk going there, as far as the dog's concerned.
I let her think about it for a few days before contacting her again (meanwhile, mentioning my concerns to one or two other family members ) and the next time I called her, she told me that they'd be putting up a gate to keep the dog in a seperate part of the house. I've picked her up a couple of times to bring her down to our house, and I'm really happy that we've managed to compromise, and that my DD will be safe from dog .
So the gate's up now, they were as good as their word. I'm looking forward to bringing my DD up there to visit again soon.
Thanks for your help in all of this . I'm over the moon that the dog situation is sorted out, and I'm amazed that MIL and myself have at last managed to resolve something together!!

Definitely the right thing to do. My niece was attacked yb a dog she had known for years, and also had no history of aggressiveness. It grabbed her whole face in its jaws, another half centimetre, and it would have bitten her jugular. She had to have plastic surgery too. The dog was destroyed.

Message withdrawn