Should I stop him being individual?

[DBoobs]

I have a 7 year old son who has never been "mr popular" at school, he has one proper friend and the rest of the kids either take the mick out of him, exclude him or use him when their own friends are not around.

Thing is I know why he isnt popular, he's different to the others...he doesnt care about football, he doesnt wear the clothes that the others wear (he wouldnt be seen dead in tracksuit bottoms!) and he often writes songs and takes them into school and sings them to the class... through all the laughter and piss-taking, it doesnt bother him!

So, he's a proper "individual" but since this is causing him a lack of real friendships should I stop him taking songs into school etc or just let him do what he wants?

Not at all, i would just try and get to the route of the problem and get his teachers involved. See who the ring leaders are. My 7 old son doesn't like football or tracksuits fwiw. But he has found a common ground in other areas.

Not at all - I'd rather my DS wasn't a sheep. Football isn't the be-all-and-end-all. My DH can't stand it (yay!) John Lennon probably wrote & performed songs at school

root

Your son sounds like he's great! Pleeease don't persuade him to wear tracksuit bottoms or like football (yuk!)in an attempt to resolve this - I was bullied a bit like this when I was at school and it's not really about clothes, this is just a 'something else' they find to pick at, once they spot a not-incredibly-confident peer, or an ever-so-slightly-different one. If the class laugh and piss take while he sings then the teacher should be stopping them.

If your ds is happy...don't worry. He may well make more friends as time goes on and as more people break away from the footie clique or when he starts a band and all the girls swarm around him...

If you're worried about his socialisation skills, how about joining him up to after school activities where he can meet a selection of children away from the tribal environment of the school playground? Music lessons, trampolining, swimming, cubs etc? At one of these things he's bound to meet up with other children or even some of the same children outside the school environment, where he can relate to them differently.

DBoobs,he sounds like a star!
I second Cal's suggestion.
My 5 year old is a real loner (by choice) but she goes horseriding and gets on well with the gang there.
We also do a lot of stuff together,esp. swimming.

He sounds like a joy, so refreshing to see children who dont bow down to peer preassure. Agree with caliguila he wil meet more like minded individuals outside schoolvia clubs and hobbies and he is likely to gain real friendships this way.

Once again he sounds lovely and he will probably be a very successful person if his individuality is nurtured

good luck

yep, caligula is right, get them out of the established tribes, it works.
From experience, when we had to go on Third Year Camp I was expecting a fairly miserable time as I was on the same week as a fair number of the charming creatures who used to tease me...but, stuck in a field in wales together, they were actually civil!

I think he sounds lovely, DBoobs, as others have said, nice to see someone not bowing to peer pressure.
But I'd also agree that discussing the fact that he continues to take his songs in, even when the other children laugh, with his class-teacher.
How does the teacher respond, for example, when the other children are so rude? Is the nastiness happening at playtime later, or at the time?

More agreement from me. The world needs more little boys like yours, DBoobs, but i do appreciate that you don't want him to be islolated because of it.

I agree with marina, and also wonder if you can encourage him to add some 'acceptable' actvity that he DOES enjoy, rather than discouraging stuff that he does.

Have you invited other kids over to play with him?

Thanks for your kind words :)

I am very proud of him and am glad he doesnt follow the others blindly...he's very funny too, you kmow that comedy sketch with the giant mobile phone that rings the nokia tune and the bloke answers it with something like "HELLO!! YES iM IN THE LIBRARY...I HAVE TO BE QUIET!!" and makes everyone jump with his shouting? well my son thought it might be a good idea to do this in assembly at school for a laugh and asked if I minded if the school phoned me!!! (I told him it probably wouldnt be such a good idea but I must admit, I would've found in hilarious if he had!).

I have spoken to the teacher before and she just says that my son chooses to act differently and seems to enjoy the others laughing at him! which he does but to be fair he doesnt realise they're laughing AT him, not with him. This morning for instance they excluded him from a game of football giving him the "red card" as soon as he started playing.

He wants to start guitar lessons so I will enquire about that, not sure if I will be able to afford it though :( he does Judo on a saturday morning and "badgers" on a wednesday night though.

I invited one of the 'not so nice' kids back for tea once and he was even horrible to my son here telling him he couldnt play on the playstation with him forgetting who's playstation he was on!

Ds, who is also a bit of a character, is very popular with girls at school too. He does have male chums, and join in to the best of his ability with footy etc, but he's the only boy in his class (Yr 2) who willingly also includes girls in adventure games and stuff

Your son sounds just like my dh! He had a rough time at school but was able to detach himself enough to rise above it. He got interested in sailing, joined the Sea Scouts and made a lot of friends there (including my brother, another rugged individualist).

Do you have anything like Stagecoach or a junior branch of the local AmDram or Operatic Society in your area?

Limit any bullying or nastiness any way you can (this is for the school to deal with anyway) but please don't try to change him. He sounds great.

(And one 'proper' friend is enough imo anyway).