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Original poster

I think I want an abortion, need info and advice please :(

56 replies

me23 · 11/05/2006 09:33

I found out I was pregnant last week, Mine and boyf stupid fault for taking risks.
I've been in 2 minds over what to do, up until now i thought id have to have it even though me and boyf dont really want it because I was scared I would feel too guilty about having an abortion . and that it would effect me emotiionally too much. However I've been thinking about the effect of having another baby (i already have 11 month old dd) would have on me emotionally and it wouldn't be good in fact i forsee it as a real sturuggle and one if i had the choice would not choose to embark on. Also me and boyf aren't too stable at the moment so I've had to think about having 2 babies as a singlemum and that is something I do not want and dont feel I could cope with.
the fact is if i could choose whether to be pregnant or not i wouldnt be, I recently just got a job, I'm suffering from PND, and this last year has been so hard coping with dd and still is most day but i was starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel as I had recently sought help for PND started ad's then applied for a job got it, and my confidence was slowly growing and i was beginning to get my life back.
I'm sorry this is so long I guess I would like advice or experiences from women who have had an abortion, how did you feel afterwards? how does it affect you now? did you like me although you agree with aborion never think you would be able to have one?
did you have medical or surgical?
I apologise for my grammar and spelling it is the last thing on my mind at the mo im all over the place Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
me23 · 11/05/2006 14:07

thanks amanda1, I'm going to see my boyf at wrk, and we are going to try to think of ways to get the money together. I have a couselling appointment at marie stopes (paid by nhs) on tuesday.
Thankyou rhubarb I dont want to offend but if your site is leaning towards pro-choice as plummymummy suggests I'd rather not risk looking at it.
I've already read one disturbing story by mistake, about a woman haunted by it and that is what i am scared of so its made things worse.

OP posts:
Amanda1 · 11/05/2006 14:41

Guys, Rhubarb has supported me through both a late term miscarriage when my then boyfriend was pressuring me to have an abortion and my recent termination. She is all about finding the facts before making your decision which is sensible. I knew I couldn't have terminated last year and didn't. Unfortunately, I lost my daughter.

When I got pregnant this time, I knew it wasn't right that I went through with the pregnancy for a number of reasons. She was supportive of me through that. I can't access the site from here but will have a look tonight.

Rhubarb · 11/05/2006 14:43

The site is mainly crammed full of info on all of the choices available to you when you have an unplanned pregnancy. There are other women's stories on there that have been told to me by members of Mumsnet and others. If you prefer not to read experiences of abortion then you simply don't click on that link. I'm sorry I don't have any positive stories of abortion on the site, no-one has ever submitted one.

bluejelly · 11/05/2006 14:50

I would be happy to submit one.

bluejelly · 11/05/2006 14:52

Not now though, am at work Smile

plummymummy · 11/05/2006 15:39

Rhubarb, just wanted to say that I wasn't having a dig at you - it's just that the website links to abortion seemed to lean toward the pro-life pov or were just scary in general. When I clicked on abortion clinics it had various STDs and nothing about abortion (either a mistake or a way of making a seedy link).

jabberwocky · 11/05/2006 16:37

me23, as I said on your other thread, I too had an abortion many years ago. It was absolutely the right thing for me at the time and I have never wavered in my belief about that. Yes, I was emotional about it and you will probably have some hormonal ups and downs afterwards. Try to be gentle and understanding with yourself. Feel free to CAT me anytime if you feel the need for a private chat. Immediately after the procedure you will find that a heating pad and a cup of hot, sugary tea will make you feel much more comfortable. Having your bf around to help out will be good too as you will want to rest up the next day.

Rhubarb · 11/05/2006 19:48

That's funny, I don't have any website links to abortion!!! Not yet anyway! I'll have to take a look at this!

Rhubarb · 11/05/2006 19:50

Nope \link{http://www.unplannedpregnancies.co.uk\look} I have British Pregnancy Advisory Service and Marie Stopes.

me23, I do think though that you should look at every possible angle. It's easy to turn down counselling thinking that you don't need it, but you do!!! If you are left with regrets then you need to know how to deal with them. You cannot blank this out of your mind, better to deal with it now than later.

bourneville · 11/05/2006 20:07

ah! rhubarb, i was confused too, but the first link you posted was for www.unplannedpregnancy.co.uk (not pregnancies)

Rhubarb · 11/05/2006 20:10

OMG!!!!!! I do apologise!!! That's what happens when you are working and trying to remember stuff! www.unplannedpregnancies.co.uk I saw that other site - deffo not mine!!!!!!!! Blush

rosebea · 11/05/2006 20:11

My auntie had an abortion a few years ago, she suffers with depression anyway and to be honest she's never been the same. She now has a loving partener and they have just had a baby boy and she still says that the abortion was the right thing for her at the time although she's now suffering from PND and feels immense guilt about the baby she aborted (it was a baby by the time she had her abortion as she was 24 weeks)I really agree with rhubarb about looking at it from all angles. Just know that we're all here for you if you need us. If you need to keep going over it then do, we'll all keep giving advice and support, it's what we do. Smile

plummymummy · 11/05/2006 21:11

Oh I see! Sorry Rhubarb, I thought the unplannedpregnancy one was yours as that was the link provided.

Original poster
me23 · 12/05/2006 10:01

Thanks rhubarb I had a look atyour site (the right one, this time) it was helpful.
I got your email bournville thankyou.
jabberwocky I can't cat you because I can't pay, my email is [email protected] if you would like to email me.
I do know that terminating the pregnancy will be better forme than continuing it.
I need to decide which method to use medicalor surgical,
bluejelly would you mind emailing me with your experience?
thankyou.

OP posts:
bluejelly · 12/05/2006 10:09

Hi ME23, will definitely email you but might not be until later today as am at work... hang in there I know it's tough but one day (very soon) you will be able to put it all behind you... take care

Original poster
me23 · 12/05/2006 10:41

ok thanks bluej, appreciate it, my boyf said he will find the money to go private so it can be done soon.
its hard to decide which method to go for? i know medical is deemed more 'natural' but it takes a while, and may be more traumatic than the surgical procedure which only takes 5 mins.
Any one had surgical? were you awake?

OP posts:
FirstNikki · 12/05/2006 10:58

Me23 glad you have made the decision that is right for you. You seem to be getting some good support on here and I wish you all the very best for the future. I also wish you a speedy recovery from PND, maybe some counselling will help with this too. Be strong and believe in yourself and you will be fine.

Take Good Care x

plummymummy · 12/05/2006 12:40

Glad you are getting it done privately, sooner the better. Awful being in limbo.

pucca · 12/05/2006 12:46

Me23...See my posts on this thread, tell you what happens with a surgical.Good luck, and if you need to ask anytihng else just give me a shout. xx

\link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=9&threadid=170563&stamp=060508160408\this}

pucca · 12/05/2006 12:58

Me23...I must add it is very hard emotionally afterwards, i had a nervous breakdown after my abortion mainly because i was always anti abortion but i ended up having one, and i still feel i did what was right..not just for me but for the baby too (was in a very abusive relationship and got pregnant on the pill)but it is still very very hard.

I have never got over it tbh, and it all came back when i had my dd (what i did, what could have been) and i don't think i could have a abortion if i had already had a child iykwim, up until the last minute before they put me to sleep to carry out the abortion i thought i would have jumped off the bed but i didnt, i went through the BPAS and they were really nice (paid privately) the only thing i would fault them on is the fact they did a scan 20 mins before i had the abortion ( it was thought i had a double uterus) and they gave me a pic Shock but it gave me something to grieve over iykwim.

If you need to talk or anything just shout me on here and i will give you my MSN or email address.

Sorry if this is rambily but it still quite difficult to talk about tbh.

xxx

WigWamBam · 12/05/2006 13:05

Me23, I've just had an email from secur asking me to post on her behalf.

From Secur;

Me23, I have recently left the forum for various reasons, none of which are related to you, however I have tried to keep an eye on you and wanted to come back to post this;

I am glad that you have been able to come to a decision which you feel will be the right one for you. I am sorry that you are faced with the position of waiting or paying, it is unfair, however in the end the time will pass.

I hope you can now look forward again to the future with your dd in a more positive way. I know this is hard but you have some wonderful times ahead of you - getting better, starting work, your little girl growing and learning.

Overall I just wanted you to know that I am out here and I am still thinking of you, if you ever want to contact me my email addy is [email protected].

Kindest regards

Secur xx

RnB · 12/05/2006 13:27

me23, I hope you are ok. I do sympathise and know what you are going through. If you want to chat I have just added you to my MSN list (I'm naomi, if you were wondering who on earth it was!).

Take Care x

bluejelly · 12/05/2006 13:56

Hi Me23 I emailed you from my hotmail account but not sure if it worked as it's not in my sent items?
Could you let me know if you got it
Thanksxx

Original poster
me23 · 12/05/2006 14:47

thankyou pucca, I'm so sorry to hear about what you went through afterwards. I really appreciate you sharing it with me.

wigwambam -thankyou -that was very kind of secur to think of me she has given me lots of good advice on my other thread, I have no idea why she left, I hope she is ok, I will email her soon.
r&b - just accepted you on my list, probbably speak to you soon.
bluejelly yes i got your email thankyou so much, i will email you back later on x

OP posts:
Original poster
me23 · 15/05/2006 12:10

thought id update, I phoned clinic to see if i could get earlier appoinment on Nhs they said june 8th id be nearly 12 weeks by then.
so i said i go private and its happening on wednesday I'm having the Ru486, I have my counseling appointment tomorrow.
I'm apprehensive to say the least wish this wasnt happening!

OP posts: