How do I put a nervous hostess at her ease?

[Miaou]

I am going to stay with my db and his wife (my SIL) next week, for a week (no mumsnet!!! how will I cope????? ) - and I have heard via the grapevine that she is a bit nervous about it. She is a lot younger than me (about 10 years), and they have never had overnight guests before. Plus they have a six month old baby and she doesn't know me very well.

Anyhow, I am not the most tactful at the best of times, and I am going down for what is going to be a harrowing funeral (my aunty who died of cancer), so emotions will be running high ... what can I do to put her at her ease do you think?

what is she nervous about do you know?

I guess be yourself, but I would say after you get there, either sit down soon in the living room and sit very calm and relaxed, with occasional compliment to her/the house, or say that you're totally knacked and would she mind if you had a lie down - then she can get used to you being in the house without having to do anything for you?

Also maybe suggest going out for at least one meal?

mmm, I think she's just generally nervous - you know, will she like the food, how do I keep her entertained (or not), what is she going to do all day, etc etc ... just guessing really. All the things I would worry about myself.

I think the "lie down" thing is prob. not a bad idea - I am taking ds with me and suspect he may need quite a bit of "settling" - will certainly occupy quite a bit of attention anyway.

Eating out is a bit tricky as I really can't afford it - however where I am going I have 1001 relatives and friends (I grew up in the area then moved away) so I will probably take myself out a lot.

I wondered about arriving with some flowers/wine for her - will ask db what she likes.

Flowers is a great idea I reckon

Deffo take a gift.
Take something like sewing/reading/paperwork so that she knows you dont expect constant entertaining.
Also ensure that you all have some private time everyday,whether you are going for a lie down or out for a drive/walk.

Offer to do dinner one night.
Also offer to babysit so that they can go out.
Fuss the baby a lot.People love anyone who is nice with their children.

ooooh yes I shall take my knitting

Thanks chaps, all good ideas!

if you're staying for a week - and esp as they have a baby, I'd phone up before hand and say taht you'd like to cook, at least one night. Plus I'd offer to baby-sit - even if it's just for a couple of hours in the day time

moondog beat me to it

We are obviously excellent guests,woman!

I am sure you will anyway because you care enough to come on here and post about it

hat, I want them to live.

So no, I don't think I'll offer to cook

aw, thanks overdraft [warm feeling]

Buy a takeaway then Miaou.

I would phone up in advance and try to get her chatting, ask if you can bring anything, she will probably politly sa no its Ok so have a few suggestions, perhaps let her know about what the kids might not eat etc.

My usual when visiting is to park myself in the kitchen and help as much as I can, some times I don't if I get the vib they would rather you didn't see behind the scenes, as the desperatly try to save ruined dinners while screaming at their partners.

Keep an eye on the other threads perhaps she is furiously typing away about how worried she is about having her SIL to stay .

skribble at your last statement!!

takeaway is a deffo possibility - I always forget about that as I live in the back of beyond where takeaways are OOTQ! Lots of good ideas, thanks guys

I resisted the temptation to say "horrible, evil SIL and her brats to stay" .