Conflict with parent at school gates - i feel like a child again (sorrry long)

[elliedragon]

My husband has been doing some consultative work for a family whose child is in the same class as ds1. They are the sort of people who drive flash cars and have a big house but want something for nothing. They have questioned my husband's last invoice (£150)and have been talking about us behind our back (no proof but just know - if you can understand that)and I queried her this morning. Just saying that if she had a problem with my husband that she should speak to him and not avoid me as it has nothing to do with me. Now I feel like i am back at school again and have that sick feeling about having to go there. She has older children within the school so there is a circle of people within the reception class that already know each other and I am a newbee. Can you reassure me please that I am just being sensitive!

FWIW a genuine person would acept it as a matter between themselves and the contractor - deeply unprofessional to spread gossip around school gates!
How is she being to your face - any chance your dh can get the matter sorted, you all have a drink together, shake hands and forget about it?

Feel for you elliedragon. It's hard to say - sorry no can't do work for classmates in case - but at the same time why should you have to. Some adults make my blood boil and to think that they are allowed to raise children who will have some of their same attitudes keeps this kind of attitude rolling along. You are not "just being sensitive" and I admire you for speaking up so well. Hope it is all sorted nicely soon.

Thanks. The wife is being slimy if you know what i mean, I know she is not telling the truth about avoiding me. I bet she is hot on the phone today saying how could I question her like that. My husband has spoken to them but they just only hear the bits they want to hear. What gets me is that i cannot put me husbands point over so people are only hearing one side of the story.

Perhaps the others already have an inkling of what she and her husband are like and won't believe the lies.

Thank you lionhearted. I think you may be right, lets hope so. I'm sure I will feel better after todays pickup is over.

I think you're imagining things and worrying yourself needlessly

how would she possibly deny it without seeming slimy? seems impossible .. could you try taking it at face value .. don't imagine any telephone conversations to which you are not party

really there's bugger all you can do about it except act as though its all settled .. there's nothing wrong .. keep smiling and be friendly

really really stop worrying .. really really stop imagining .. really really .. you'll drive yourself totally mad

its a storm in a teacup

as my mother would say .. get a grip girl

Twiglett. I have given myself a kick up the bum and you are right, just get on with it. I will be at the school gates smiling with the best of them as if nothing has happened! the only way to go!

elliedragon, I feel for you but don't let yourself be intimidated by this. It's not worth it :)

I had a thread not too long ago because one of the mother's at nursery totally went off the rail because my nanny accidentially took her dd's lunchbox. nanny did call her as soon as she realised mistake, apologies and that other mum came round to very disgruntedly pick up the lunchbox just after. Since then that mum has been completely blanking both of us... ah well... not our problem iykwim. We make a point to look at her, smile & nod and if she doesn't want to respond that just show's she's the one with the problem :)

Can also sympathise with the being a newbie... a lot of the mums at nursery atm have older kids in school so have known each other for yonks... gawd how I hate cliques... also I work so am not 'available' for coffee mornings and the like. Sometimes I feel like I'm a real paria!

I had a similar problem. One of my neighbours children was, along with another child from our street annoying my ds2 constantly, especially at school. I went to the school and complained. next day i was met at school, (while all the children were lined up) by child X's 21 year old mother. Child X was 7, and two years older than my ds. She had a right go at me, asking what gave me the right to go to the school about her child, her child was a wee angel and my son was - and i quote her here-
"A Fking little st who need a fking good kick up the are, and he had better watch himslef". We live in the military community, and she then started on about my DH, and his job and then on about me, calling me all the fing things under the sun. This, as i say, took place in front of all the children,parents and teachers. However, i didn't answer her back, i just stood there and let people see her true colours.

I think what i'm trying to say is, carry on as normal, it is difficult, especially if there is a disput over a bill (been there, done that) and you think she is slagging off your DH. Try not toworry, rise above it and try and carry on as normal. We did with our horrible neighbour, to the point of always shouting "hello" whenever we saw them

How horrible for you saltire. How was it the next time you saw her?

mum 21 kid 7 ??? erhem... doesn't that make her a rather young mother? Obviously she never went to charm school by the sounds of her language!

Don't worry about being a newbie mum. You are a mum of a child in that school. You have just as much right to be there as anyone else, regardless of how long they've been there/how many kids they have there. And just as much right not to be talked about.

Surely if this woman is that way inclined there will be lots of other mums there who feel the same as you. She's bound to have gossipped before.

Later that day she sent her hubby round to the house,and he started havign a go at me, for upsetting her at school! He was getting quite abusive, and my DH was away, however once i had threatened to call the police he backed oof. Their younger son continued to play with my DS2, and they got on fine, but she was one of those kind who was quite content for her kids to play in everyone esles garden all summer, or in anyone elses house but no one was allowed in their garden. Her son often used to just turn up at our house in his swim trunks and expect to play in the pool. In answer to your question though, she blanked me contiually, when she saw me again, and i just ingored her, to be honest, if she had said what she had anywhere other than the school i would probably have answered back. At the end of the day though, she was the one with the problem.