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Original poster

I'm a SAHM .. think I might want to go back to work .. talk to me

34 replies

Twiglett · 05/05/2006 17:24

I've loved being a SAHM .. gave up work in 2002 .. DS now 5, DD is 2 .. always swore I'd be SAH till at least youngest was through reception (2010 ...eeek)

today I'm thinking I should go back to work ... its the ennui, or lack of patience that sometimes takes hold .. maybe I'd be a better mummy if I wasn't with them all the time

we don't especially need the money .. though it would be nice of course

its against everythign I've ever wanted since I first gave up .. but maybe I pine for pure adult company, business objectives and a life away from the home / school / coffee with local friends?

sometime life just seems to have shrunk to the size of a pea

OP posts:
PinkKerPlink · 05/05/2006 17:25

hello:) I can totally relate tbh

apart fromt hat i dont know what to say

PinkKerPlink · 05/05/2006 17:26

mind you, you soon get sick of the bitchy women at work even when you are part time

you start speaking to them like children, its horrid

Original poster
Twiglett · 05/05/2006 17:28

what like "get out of my sight or I'll smack your bottom"? Grin

OP posts:
emkana · 05/05/2006 17:30

oh twiglett what hope is there for the rest of us then? I always noticed how you seemed to be so 100% behind SAHMdom.

I've been a SAHM since 2001 now and I feel the way that you do at times. What's stopping me is just the anxiety about deciding where to work, what to work as, how much to work, what childcare to have...

just too bl*dy knackering to figure out.

Would you find it easy to get back to work?

PinkKerPlink · 05/05/2006 17:31

:o

"do you want me to ring your Father?"Angry

oh it iss sooo annoying though

Ona practical front though twiglett if you feel it would do you and the kids good to get out of the house for a few hours a week at work do it. After a fewmonths you will still work but you will moan about work aswellWink

Original poster
Twiglett · 05/05/2006 17:34

emkana .. don't know what I'd do .. don't want to do the same thing I used to do

.. I suppose I'm just in one of those phases ... totally understand the confusion over what to do, when to do it, what to do with kids .. and what happens when the school's are shut for holidays or unexpectedly? ... it just seems so difficult to envisage doesn't it?

in fact it just doesn't seem practical to return to life outside sahm-dom

ho-hum

OP posts:
motherinferior · 05/05/2006 17:38

Twiglett, the logistics of childcare are negotiable - believe me. But think about what you want and whether work will fill that, and if it needs to be paid work, and if so how much and what work...I speak as an enthusiastic working mother, but I know you enough, I think, to realise how different your perspectives and priorities are from mine Grin

I personally am yearning slightly for a proper office, you know, where you have to wear proper clothes and people take you seriously and nobody expects you to take the next door neighbour's *ing deliveries and you can say blithely to your partner you have two evening things next week so is that OK, fine darling, I'll just bog off and have drinkies while you put the kids to bed Angry

PandaG · 05/05/2006 17:39

I am feeling like this too. I have been SAHM since end 1999, and have done childminding p/t since 2001. I used to go to, and then run, a lot of toddler groups, and get lots of adult interaction there, but now none of the mindees I have are with me for long enough to go to groups. DD starts school next Jan, and I am on the lookout for something else to do. But what - needs to be flexible, term time only if poss., and only during the school day. Or I could stay at home for longer, and do more at school. No real thought Twiglett, just to say you are not on your own.Smile

niceglasses · 05/05/2006 17:40

Talk to me !!! Talk to me!!! I've been at home for almost 3 years and am Mrs McBored of Boredom....

QE · 05/05/2006 17:42

Twiglett I know where you're coming from. Sometimes the mind numbing sameness of every day does my head in. I have been known to go round in a strop muttering under my breath about going out to full time work when it really pisses me off in a big way.

Thing is, I have just applied for a part time job but thinking about actually going out to work makes me hanker after being at home again full time and not having to worry about going out to work.

Would it help and would you ever get the opportunity to have a day or half a day a week on your own doing only things you want to do? Or are you thinking that working is the only answer to getting some stimulating adult company?

Original poster
Twiglett · 05/05/2006 17:43

to be fair its your final paragraph that appeals to me MI Grin

OP posts:
beansontoast · 05/05/2006 17:43

you could study?

very short post cos thats waht im SUPPOSED to be doing.very satisfying.

QE · 05/05/2006 17:44

Oh and I've been a SAHM fince 1992!! (well, fostered for 11 years but still that's at home).

motherinferior · 05/05/2006 17:44

In that case I can warn you against too much flexibility Grin.

beansontoast · 05/05/2006 17:45

...just remembered you are a grammar punctuation sticker type...Blush

beansontoast · 05/05/2006 17:45

and im clearly not Blush Blush

niceglasses · 05/05/2006 18:09

I can echo a lot of what youre saying Twiglett. I left in 2003 to have my third and really have the best part of 2 yrs to go before I could think about going back. But I think I have come to recognize I am quite bored and this can lead me not to be the best mother at times - short tempered, short on inspiration too. Maybe am just crap mother, dunno. Have made a pledge to put youngest into some sort of childcare half a day a week and might do summat...don't know what. I think I might be doing something very part time in the next year or so as I feel its putting a strain on things. Sometimes I really resent my hub and his life outside the home which is bad I think.
Have been doing OU course which helps a bit but get no EXTRA time if you know what I mean...have to squeeze it into eves (when am knackered and want to watch dross)

It struck me the other weekend when I went on a hen night what a boring old cow I was when surrounded by these quite thrusting confident types......not that I want to be like that, but just that I might be starting to need something else. Ennui is a good word for it. Sometimes the thought of the day ahead etc...........

birdsnest · 05/05/2006 18:53

Just remember that the hair shirt is optional.Smile Being A SAHM doesnt have to be dowdy and boring.Its perfectly ok to buy, and wear,sassy clothes.Do your makeup,go out,leave the housework.Invite other people for lunch and outings,dont wait to be asked.

morningpaper · 05/05/2006 19:05

Twiglett ... I work at home two days a week when the kiddies are at nursery

I LOVE IT SO MUCH

I skip from the nursery (where they are happy, learn a lot and socialise) and mix with intelligent, witty adults sharing the same goals as me. I wear nice clothes and people make me coffee and we talk about the news and everything.

I have to say though, sometimes I think it makes me a worse mummy because I am often in a foul mood when I have to pick the children up from nursery because at 4pm they have curtailed my very lovely adult life. :)

drosophila · 05/05/2006 19:06

I've just returned to work after 14mths. I'd say try it you can always jack it in if it doesn't work out.

niceglasses · 05/05/2006 19:22

ooo I always leave the housework. Seriously I get your point Birdsnest and I like to think I still wear halfway trendy clothes but the inviting other pple etc is harder. Most pple stopped at 2 and I went on to have 3 which means a lot are back at work now plus I have 2 under school age so don't feel like I can impose on pple too much. Sorry don't mean to hijack Twigletts thread with my woe is me bit, just it has struck me lately 'n all. Maybe I need to make more of an effort, I just don't know.

hoxtonchick · 05/05/2006 19:27

working 2 days a week definitely makes me a better mummy. and although i was dreading going back after my 2nd maternity leave, things are working out really well (i've been back since february. ds is 4 & dd is 10 months).

the kids adore nursery (dd has taken a little time to settle in but is fine now), i get to think & drink coffee in peace & shop in my lunch hour. i find the work fascinating, & only doing 2 days a week certainly concentrates the mind. i'm lucky to have very flexible employers & a lot of part-time colleagues so the culture is in my favour. and it's so nice to get home to the children after a day at work.

Filyjonk · 05/05/2006 19:28

hi twiglett, I've been at home now with my two for a year, and I can relate to how you're feeling.

For me, its not actually that is boring-plenty of jobs are boring-its that its thankless. And garners no respect. And it is really properly full time, as in all day, much of the night, and the few hours you sleep you're on call.

My solution has been to start retraining for a job I'd like to do in several years. Its going to take ages, but means that a. I get adult conversation at OU tutorials b. I get respect for combining studying with SAHM-ness c.I have something to focus on, ie the short term objectives etc.

I think what I really miss about working is that "Thank f, I've done a days work, now I can relax and watch dross with a clear conscience" feeling. I just never feel I've worked hard enough but am constantly shattered.

InigoMontoya · 05/05/2006 22:19

Don't know if your previous career was something that you'll be able to step back into relatively easily when the time comes, but as mine wasn't, I started volunteering one day a week at the CAB when my two were 5 and 2.
DD enjoyed nursery, I felt I was starting to retrain my mushy brain, and it stood me in good stead for getting a paid job eventually. It was just an extra dimension, and gave me concentrated adult time and a confidence boost. I'm really glad I did it, and can't see any down side to it IMO.

Skribble · 05/05/2006 22:24

Part-time work was pretty much essential for me and helped a lot with surviving PND.

Youngest is now 6.5 years and I am now applying for full time stuff, much to my surprise as I hardly cope with the p-t stuff.