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Original poster

Give your children a hug.............

24 replies

Jollymum · 20/01/2004 19:35

Just a thought and I don't want to upset anyone but this is something that has really hit home to me today. I haven't changed my name for this so if anyone recognises me at school or anywhere, talk to me. Today was the funeral of a 14 year old boy (who died last Sunday) and his little brother is in my littlest son's Reception class. My little one has been full of questions about dying and life and it's hard as a Mum to keep it low key. The lad died of an asthma attack, was an avid rugby player and although I didn't know him personally, lots of my friends do and it's really made me think. What does it matter what state their room is in, have they cleaned their teeth, have I nagged at them for the millioneth time about homework, rugby boots, etc etc etc...

My Dh asked me last week when all this happened why it had affected me so much and I couldn't really answer him, but now I can...

Because I am a Mum, I love my children and I can't imagine losing one of them. I have tried so hard this week to be nicer, kinder and yet kids are hard work, they are difficult. I really have tried to listen to them this week, instead of saying like I usually do "I'm too busy"... and every night this week, I've peeked at them, even the 14 year old and thought that I am so lucky. I have four children, noisy, horrible at times, loud but they are here.

For anyone that's lost a child, I send you love. For everyone that's trying for a child, I wish you love and luck. For everyone that has a child, love them now, because they are such a gift and I just wanted to share my feelings. Every child is special and I have realised this week (and when I have read mumsnetters stories) that all that matters is that kiss/ hug that says "I love you".

OP posts:

Slink · 20/01/2004 19:53

Your message bought tears to my eyes but it is so true i grew up with my parents saying every day we love you and then dream of me and even now when i talk to my sisters or parents we always say dream of me. I always tell my dd i love her as does dh especially after we have told her of we explain why and then say but we love you thats why ...we don't want you to jump of the stairs etc.

It is so true you so sound like a fab mum, i have one dd but desperatley trying for another.

Those poor parents and any parents that has lost a child life is so precious.

I'm glad i read your message xx

Angeliz · 20/01/2004 20:05

Jollymum, it is a lovely message and i hope i do give dd all my love but i know it's hard 24/7 to not have the odd moan.
Your post hit home to me as i have an asthma inhaler that i have never used (for dd, "possible" asthma mentioned at aged one so i keep it just incase), i rang the doc's today for a repeat prescription as i just noticed the other one is out of date,(even though it's unopened).
Your post just made me so glad i looked the
other night and glad i've made an appointment for a new one. You can never be too careful

codswallop · 20/01/2004 20:07

My cousin died of an asthma ataack aged 21 about 2 years ago

Please take it seriuosly guys especially as they get older

suzywong · 20/01/2004 20:11

Ditto, tears to my eyes. I needed to be reminded of how precious children are this evening as I have been a right old cranky mare and yelled at toddler who was only doing toddler things (jumping on brother, climbing into kitchen cupboards, ordering meals and then asking for crisps, missed the potty with a poo, coming in to the bedroom and waking baby just as I got him off to sleep, then I got impatient with the over wrought tired baby).

I too kiss my kids while they sleep and cannot imagine anything more painful than losing a child.

Thank you for reminding us of what we have and love and heartfelt sympathy for the parents of the lost boy.

Dmum · 20/01/2004 20:18

This is a lovely reminder of how special our kids are. My parents weren't at all affectionate and I'm determined that I won't be like that with DS. Even at 9 months old, he has days where he's such hard work and I want to run away!! Still, it's good to remind ourselves that we're really blessed to have them.

Hulababy · 20/01/2004 20:22

We really are belssed to have them aren't we?

I have only been teaching a few years but in my first 3 years we had two teenagers die at the school - one from menengitus and the other knocked off his bike (no helmet on). This summer I also heard that one of my pupils from my last school had also died form menengitus too. And my friend's best friend from uni died of the adult form of cot death a few years back too.

It was pre DD for me but just thinking of it makes me realise how special our children are.

marthamoo · 20/01/2004 20:22

Thankyou Jollymum.

SHIREENSMOM · 20/01/2004 21:17

sorry to hear that jollymum, as soon as i read this it bought tears to my eyes then i went into dd,s playroom gave her a huge hug and kiss and sat and watched her play for hour and a half then she said i love you mommy (shes only 2 and not a big talker) i just thought id share that with you, i agree that we cant give our childeren attention 24 hours a day but we all do our best when you see them sleeping at night and it brings a lump to your throat and tears to your eyes we no that all ther sleepness nights and tantrums are well worth it xxxxx

Posey · 20/01/2004 21:20

Thanks for that jollymum.

Luckymum · 20/01/2004 21:39

Thanks jollymum, sometimes we need reminding just how short life can be. We should all tuck our kids in tonight and say a quiet prayer that they are safe and sound.

Hugs

nutcracker · 20/01/2004 22:25

Your thread nearly made me cry JOLLYMUM. My DD2 has asthma and when it was (eventually) diagnosed I wasn't that bothered really, thought it would just involve her taking an inhaler every now and then. I couldn't of been more wrong. She now has 3 inhalers and was hospitalised once with pneumonia. Every cold she gets is a nightmare and she usually ends up on steroids. Now it looks as though ds3 has it too, which upset me more than I thought. He hasn't been officially diagnosed yet but i know from dd that he has it.
I will make sure i give my 3 an extra big hug in the morning.

Chandra · 21/01/2004 00:15

OH I'm in tears again... I should print your last 2 paragraphs JM, I don't want to forget it

Chandra · 21/01/2004 00:17

nutcracker. many hugs

steppemum · 21/01/2004 15:42

Jollymum, your message really hit home, our kids are so precious aren't they? A few weeks ago I was watching my bright, happy little 1 year old play, and being amazed at how clever they are at such a young age and how he was beginning to communicate etc, and I was suddenly reminded of a family at our church, whose 1 year old daughter got menengitis a couple of years ago, and is now quite brain damaged. I just sat and watched my ds in a state of shock, trying to imagine what it would be like to see your precious little one suddenly change over night, or to loose them all together... My heart really goes out to those who have been through this.

jimmychoos · 21/01/2004 18:33

I've only just seen this and I'm in tears. Thanks jollymum for such a lovely post. I'm going home now to my two.

mears · 21/01/2004 19:14

I have been in this position too. Last year a boy who sat beside my eldest DS died during a school football match age 15yrs. Now DS's best friend has cancer and all the questions are to the fore. How can someone so young die? Might I die? It is heartbreaking if you think too long about it. I just can't imagine it happening to us and don't know how families cope. I also have 4 children and have really tried to listen to them more often than before. Such sadness is very sobering...

Skara · 21/01/2004 19:28

sniffle...thanks Jollymum. It's good to be reminded just how lucky we are once in a while.

kizzie · 21/01/2004 22:20

I've had a really difficult few days with my twins but you're right - Thank God they are both safely asleep next door. I also heard today that a colleagues wife's cancer is now terminal and they have a toddler who it now looks like will be left without a mummy. I just sat at my desk and cried for them when I heard. She absolutely adores that child.
My two might test the patience of a saint but it really does put things into perspective.
Kizziex

Clarinet60 · 21/01/2004 22:34

Yes, it really does make you think. My friend's youngest child died last year. It's spoilt my life, but it's ruined hers.

It puts sats and holidays in term-time into perspective, doesn't it? One of the things she said that really stuck in my mind was that when he had thrown a sickie from school (which wasn't often) she was so glad she'd kept him at home, because those were precious extra days.

tigermoth · 22/01/2004 08:09

someone here (CAM, I think it was you) calculated in days how long childhood lasts. It's nothing really when you see it like that. And then take away all the days they are not with you, at school or nursery, and those weekends and holidays - and sickies from school - are so precious. Someone very close to me lost a child and my heart goes out to them, and all the other parents who suffer this loss.

secur · 22/01/2004 10:15

Message withdrawn

suedonim · 22/01/2004 10:19

I had pause to think about this subject last night when I heard that a friend of ds2's has died after suffering from leukaemia for eight years. By a cruel coincidence, his dad's business partner lost his own son, in a road accident, just before Christmas. It must be unbearable for them, why does life have to be so cr*ppy for some people?

ThomCat · 22/01/2004 10:28

Can't bring myself to think about the losing a child part of this thread - just too much to get my head round, but it is good to be reminded about how precious children are.

This morning Lottie was being very strong willed and really making it hard for me to dress her becasue she wanted to play with her 'baby' and didn't want a jumper dragged over her head. I was in a rush as usual in the morning and felt myself go to get annoyed. Then I suddenly thought, you big horrible meanie, she's a baby and wants to play - it's not her fault I've got a job to rush off to. So I stopped dressing her, picked her up and danced round the room with her. She cracked up laughing which made me laugh and then she sat quietly, smiling at me while I finished dressing her. It's so much easier to be nice iykwim.

I tell her everyday that I love her and that she is beautiful and clever and I've nearly worn away my lips kissing her 100 times a day.

There is nothing more rewarding than using all your energy to love your child

Thanks for posting Jollymum

Angeliz · 22/01/2004 10:34

lovely Thomcat

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