Dilemma: Vile, vile neighbour who shouts "Shut up" and "Sort your baby out" when she cries at night, well...

[Tinker]

...my eldest daughter plays with his partner's daughter. In the street I can cope with but I'm right to put my foot down at her playing in their house aren't I? Aren't I?

Oh God no I wouldn't let my dd go to their house.

Savages.

Oh Tinker :( agree totally that your daughter should not set foot in this man's house.
Still think you should consider dobbing the woman in to Ofsted if she condones this sort of attitude to small children in her home. I would not want my child minded in a home containing this man if there was even the slightest chance he was around at the same time :(

Agree with ks to a degree.

Also, he may be vile, but ime, it is hard for anyone to persist in being vile if you are being very nice to them, so maybe it is worth going to see him, being very apologetic and explaining that you are doing all you can to soothe your baby etc. It may stick in your craw to do this, but might make him think twice about shouting and banging again.

Thank you all again. Yes, sorry, I know I keep going on about it but it's grinding me down. Dreading evenings since on edge that a) she'll wake etc (which she will!) and that b) he'll start. He's doen it 3 times with this baby and did it twice when I had my first. Was on my own with my first and he often had loud male drunken friends round so the thought of talking to him then never crossed my mind and think I've nevr forgiven him for that. Pretty intimidating situation and I can be quite confrontational when I have to be.

All those who mention sleep-deprivation form car alarms, burglar alarms, karaoke (form next door, ironically) - yes, completely agree, turn me into this as well. But they are controllable.

If I thought for one minute he was doing it because he believed the baby was being neglected may sympathise but he's not. As someone said on my last moan about this, he does it because he's a bloke who needs his sleep and teh woman should be "Sorting it out".

We're sleep deprived and have to go out to work all day as well (not having a go at you ks for pointing that out, just ranting in exasparation at no-one)

Baby is still breastfed and I was trying to stop this at night and just cuddle her. Can't even begin to do this seriously now with areshole next door.

I know the grown-up thing would be to talk to him but don't think I've ever had what could be called a conversation with him in 13 years here. His partner is normal (and a childminder, as I stated last time) but I can't forgive her either for not stopping him, feel she's complicit.

Hate teh whole situation. Sorry to bore on about it, know there is no real solution except to move but am finding this has become teh main topic of conversation in this house and I hate that. Can't get persepective or a sense of humour about it at all.

Sorry for repeating all this.

Anyway, thank you. No, my eldest can't play in their house, glad you all agree with me. (Am sure I'm making taht stand to make a point with next door as well, see if they notice)

tbh I think it's harassment if he keeps doing it. Can't you ring your Environmental Health Officer and get some information from them?

so sorry to hear this, tinker. do you think you could have a word with the partner instead? our neighbours came round once to complain (politely) when dd was a few weeks old and i have not forgiven them. i really sympathise.

or how about going on the offensive and say that you find his comments/behaviour threatening/intimidating and if the problem doesn't stop you will phone the police?

so sorry to hear this, tinker. do you think you could have a word with the partner instead? our neighbours came round once to complain (politely) when dd was a few weeks old and i have not forgiven them. i really sympathise.

or how about going on the offensive and say that you find his comments/behaviour threatening/intimidating and if the problem doesn't stop you will phone the police?

Or the other thing is to ring the NSPCC and get them to send the wanker some info about crying babies etc.!

Tinker, I'm sorry this is still going on. No, I wouldn't let my child go in his house either. He's quite clearly just a lout - I can't understand his wife though - I would kill dh if he ever did something like this.

It's just the sheer stupidity of the man - does he really think you like being awake at night with a crying baby and that you let her cry for your own amusement? Idiot

Actually yeah I think BK is right. It is deliberately intimidating behaviour and it might not be OTT to inform the police.

I really think OFSTED should know as well, if his partner doesn't respond positively.

I think Tink is worried about making it official as this will have to be declared in house sale documentation when they move?
Dobbing her in to Ofsted won't though...and I really think, as you say, she is complicit in his behaviour.

Need to sell the house soon, just don't want to risk having any kind of dispute I need to declare. But, yes, it is harrassment.

Have wondered about asking my HV (and I do have wise nice ones) to intervene. Could ring on teh pretext (know I don't need a pretext but...) of asking advice about sleep problems (which I do need)and mentioning next door.

His partner is a childminder which makes their behaviour seem even less acceptable somehow.

bk - lol at still not forgiving them despite mentioning it politely.

yeah, tinks, i glare at her now if we pass in the street - cow .

think i would have gone round in murderous hormonal rage if they had starting banging on the wall and shouting abuse at me though. it must be awful for you.

I do feel murderous. My partner shouted P off, dhead last time. Oh god, can see a downward spiral. Typically though, the baby stopped crying as soon as he shouted. Hey, that's what we're doing wrong. Snarl and shout "Shut up" in a baby's face and they do!

Hey BK, just wait till they have kids. You can go round and simper at them and say "I know how it is, because I've been through all this too, but if you wouldn't mind keeping the noise down, like I always tried to..."

Ha.

If you are selling the house soon I would just let it go - apart from having to declare disputes, antagonistic neighbours can make it very difficult for you to sell your house if they so choose. Wait 'til you're driving off behind the removal van and then tell him what you think of him.

Tinker, how incredibly annoying and horrible of him. He sounds vile.

Boot was on the other foot when DS3 was a baby - we had a new next door neighbour who had lots of all night parties - eventually I cracked at about 3 a.m. one morning and rang her on her mobile and asked her if she could cut the noise out. I was shaking like a leaf, but so desperate for sleep I had to do it.

Agree mm. Don't think we'll have a board outside. And I will email Ofsted when we've gone.

Can you sell up sooner rather than later? I so sympathise with the horrible feeling of waiting for it to start...
and do try and sell to some noisy 20 somethings...

Kitchen on track to be finished this month. Sort out bathroom - lick of paint, clean adn tidy up and then we will.

Thank you batters.