Going back to University?No confidence.

[Peony]

Hi there! I'd love to hear from anyone who has returned to university after having children as I'm really not sure whether to or not! I completed 1 and a half years of my degree 5 years ago and now I would like to think I could finish it but to be totally honest I'm scared stiff.I've got 2 children under 4 and have had very bad post natal depression (still got!) and my self confidence/esteem has plumeted-I'm even having palpatations as I type but I know Its all self perpetuating this don't-do-anything-cos -i'm-scared-feel-worse cycle thingy. The gulit thing cripples me too-I feel SO frustrated/angry with myself and feel like a total loser. I feel like a prisoner of my anxiety.I am taking prozac and am seeing a councellor who is lovely but says kinda unhelpful things like 'these are precious years-make the most of them..' This, I have told myself a million times before and would dearly love to be different in my approach to life.Sorry-I've strayed from the point and rambled! Thanks for listening anyway!

Peony - be proud of yourself. You've got 2 beautiful kids, and having 2 under 4 is hard work, yet you're doing it. You did 1 and a half years of a degree course so you've proved that you have the ability to do it. I think that perhaps going back to Uni and finishing it could be just the confidence boost that you need. I don't think I had anything as severe as PND after the birth of my kids, but I do know the feelings of depair, being swamped and loneliness that you get when you are at home with children all day. Also, I stopped working just before the birth of my 1st about 5 and a half years ago, and the thought of going back to work frightens me, as I'm not sure how I would cope out there in the real 'adult' world. I will, of course, one day when the kids are older, confront my demons and get a job. So I do understand why you are feeling scared.

But, I really do think you should go for it. I did my degree straight after school, but we did have some mature (sorry, don't want to make you feel old!) students and they were a great, nobody saw them as any different from anyone else in the group. also, they were are great help to us all, as they had many life experiences which we hadn't and so could teach us a thing or two. Generally, student life is pretty relaxed and flexible, so it could be just the start you need to help rebuild your confidence. If you don't already have child care sorted, many universitys now have creches onsite (not sure about cost though, but hope that they would be quite reasonable). Coursework will be difficult on top of looking after the kids, but I'm sure you will quickly find a routine that works for you. I'm sure that other Mumsnetters who have been, or still are, in your situation, will have some useful tips for you. Also, university is a great place to make new friends and you will probably meet someone in the same position as you and may beable to help each other out.

Finally, I have to say that old cliche, if you don't try then you'll never know! I really wish you well. Remember to come back to Mumsnet for support. Good Luck!

Every day look in the mirror and say - You're a Mum - of course you can do it!! Thats what I keep telling myself and it works. Just take small steps and surround yourself with positive things. Mumsnet is a wonderful start and we run a really great support net work - dont we?!!!

Why not try something you like first, rather than something new? Just to get back in the swing of things. The first thing is that everyone is scared stiff when they go back - they're just better at hiding it. I'm just starting a new course too, and I'm finding my way around, and it's funny that I do actually seem to know quite a bit of stuff that I wasn't aware I knew, and i felt quite chuffed this afternoon on our group 'chat' when everyone was asking how they were getting on with their assignment - I've done mine and it's been in 2 weeks!! (Not that I've told them that of course, only you lot know!) I had the equivalent of verbal constipation when I first started (shut up you lot!!) but I've made up for it since (shut up, I'm getting better!!!).

Find a friend, talk to an OU tutor like Star says - that's what they're there for and they've also got ways to help you get started again. Go for it, you've nothing to loose and everything to gain - cliched or not, doesn't stop it being true!!!!!

Peony, have faith in yourself and give it a go - you have so much to gain from making this move that you seem to really know you want/need to make. And speaking from the other side of the fence, as a university lecturer, I would really urge you to believe that you have a lot to GIVE, as well as gain. I've taught a lot of mature students, most of them women with kids, and their time looking after children almost always means that they bring such a rich and different perspective, incredible skills in thinking all round an issue, multi-tasking, organisation, contributing to group discussion - everything studying for a degree involves. I am always delighted when mature women students turn up in my seminar groups, because it's almost a guarantee that group wil work well. Go for it!

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Peony, all I can say is GO FOR IT! I became a mature student at the ripe old age of 23 as a single Mum with a three year old. I loved the experience. It was brilliant. I made friends for life, developed a passion for education that I'd completely missed at school and went on to post graduate study! It was hard at times but one copes, I did much of my studying before my daughter was even awake as I am a morning person but everyone develops their own routine. As for confidence IMHO on the first day most undergraduates are feeling somewhat insecure and wondering if they can cope and I know several women (including myself) who despite grades spent the first year or so looking over their shoulder waiting to be found out (how could they/I possibly be at uni?). However, university boosts confidence. If it's what you want to do, do it... I met many women with children whilst at university an dmany said it had helped them be better parents as, despite the work load, they were doing something for themselves. Although ultimately if it means you get a job you love with a good salary - which I know is not always what happens - your children will benefit in the long term too. Good luck, Winnie

Peony, you can do it. As Bloss and Zoya say, workers in HE love and respect mature students (I'm a librarian and the mature students are always so rewarding to work with and support -they really appreciate what's involved). Every decent HE establishment in the UK will have support structures in place to help with your anxieties re returning to study. You may well find, for example, that the on-campus childcare is excellent - many universities have nurseries for staff and students. My son is at one and loves it.
I hope mumsnet regular Lizzer sees your post - she is doing a university access course right now. And there are many more here too. Good luck!

Take the plunge, Peony. I'm not quite in the same boat as you, but am returning to university, all be it with the OU in the next month. I packed in work about 6 months before dd was born because I simply couldn't stand my profession any more (town planning!). Since having dd 11 months ago I've decided that I want to be a mum first and foremost, but also want to take the opportunity to expand my career options for when I do decide to return to the crazy world of 9-5. I know what a big decision it can be - have the courage of your convictions and think of all the great opportunities completing your degree will give you and your family, as well as a wonderful sense of achievement. Good luck!