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Original poster

Do your children go to their grandparents for sleepovers?

20 replies

sparkler1 · 22/04/2006 16:47

My children have been to my mum's to stay the night but things have happened that have made me stop sending them.

I used to have a huge problem with the fact that my mum smoked. Her choice I know, she does what she wants in her own home, but I had numerous discussions with her that I wasn't happy that she smoked around my daughters. She would tell me that she would go outside and smoke when they were there but I knew for a fact that she wasn't doing what she said she would. I could smell it on the girls' hair and clothes when they came home. She no longer smokes in the house now anyway because my step-dad has to use oxygen daily so she always goes outside.
There is now a new problem. Mum has got herself a puppy and I am not happy to leave the children alone when I am there, let alone when I am not. He is very playful and jumps up on people a lot when they visit. I know he is only a pup but I just cannot trust him with my children. When he jumps up he does a playful nip. When he does jump he is just at the height of my dd2's face and I am worried that he will go too far.
I feel so sad that my kids can't go to sleepover anymore. They love to go there. Mum loves to have them. Dh and I don't get the chance to go out on our own very often and now that chance has almost well and truely gone.

Do I sound over protective?

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 22/04/2006 16:48

no. my ILs don't look after the dd's at all on their own - they are both in poor health.

my parents have a flat here, but it's a one-bedroom retirement one.

when they come here, however, they often stay in our flat and DH and I stay in theirs so we get peace AND a lie-in! :)

lucy5 · 22/04/2006 16:49

The smoking thing i can completely understand, the puppy isn't something I would have thought aboutto be honest unless it was a dog that gets lots of bad publicity. Don't know what to suggest really.

lucy5 · 22/04/2006 16:50

oh forgot about me, dd goes to stay with my mum and dad and my sister. Not that often though.

Greensleeves · 22/04/2006 16:53

I wouldn't assume it's OK for your children to stay overnight with them just because they are their grandparents, if the environment they provide isn't suitable for your kids. FWIW I wouldn't let any of my children's grandparents have them overnight, for various reasons. In fact in my mother's case I would rather send them to spend the night in the A-wing at Broadmoor then let them alone with her (and she chain-smokes and has an ill-disciplined dog )

Don't feel guilty - be firm - you are entitled to make stipulations about your children's welfare and what is/isn't good enough for them. If your mother really takes her relationship with her grandchildren seriously she will have to find a way of training/restraining the dog.

Original poster

sparkler1 · 22/04/2006 17:02

Just makes me feel fed up - all over a poxy bloody dog. Grrrrr!

OP posts:

twokids · 22/04/2006 17:26

I do know how you feel We used to advoid visiting my parents when they had a dog. to begin with dd was scared of dogs then I wasn't keen on all the hair as she crawls(has sn) on top of that I didn;t trust the dog as it was so big and picked things up in its mouth. I always had visions of it picking her up

Caligula · 22/04/2006 17:51

You don't sound at all over-protective, you sound sane.

Stick to your guns

fairyjay · 22/04/2006 17:57

We had an issue with PIL's dogs when the children were small, and as they live 200 miles away from us, it was a problem.

So we visit, and stay in a hotel!

MIL won't travel to see us - she worries about leaving her dog more than she wants to see her grandchildren

geogteach · 22/04/2006 18:54

I have 3 kids my MIL will happily have the eldest (all the time if I let her). However she won't have the other 2 and is currently desperate to take the eldest to her flat in Spain. I think he is too young (5) and he can't speak on the phone cos he is deaf, I also think it is unfair on the other 2 as they not only miss out on going they miss their brother when he is away.
My parents will have the older 2 and I think if I pushed it would take the youngest (18 months).

Sparklemagic · 22/04/2006 19:05

sparkler, you don't sound overprotective at all. I would have thought and done the same, so keep strong!

I know what you mean about time on your own though - my DS is three and a half, and we've never had him sleep with his grandparents. When he was a baby I didn't want him to get distressed waking up in the middle of the night without me there. As he gor older we were just waiting for the request to come from him - and he's just this week asked to stay for a sleepover with his granny!

It's a bit awkward in our family though as my In Laws have ALWAYS had my SIL's kids, at least once a week since birth - so I think their noses are out of joint about us keeping DS away from them and if they find out he has slept at his gran's they'll be

But when HE wants to go there, he can. I'd love the nights out, I just want it to be something he wants to do, as your DD's obviously did, sparkle.
Would your mum come and sleep over at your occasionally so you could still have a nice night out?

JonesTheSteam · 22/04/2006 19:08

My MIL has had DD and DS overnight. Have no issues with it at all. They have stayed with her twice. And she has stayed here twice.

My parents have never offered.

JonesTheSteam · 22/04/2006 19:09

And no, don't think you're overprotective. The smoking in the house would worry me as well. And the puppy for that matter (Am actually quite scared of dogs myself!!!!)

Original poster

sparkler1 · 22/04/2006 19:39

I could ask mum to come to ours to babysit but I know her nose would be put right out of joint - especially as I have allowed dds to stay there before.
Ho hum - families eh?

OP posts:

Flamesparrow · 22/04/2006 19:58

Mine goes to stay with my mum, she's not close enough to my dad to (and I'm not sure I'd trust him - he can't look after himself!). My mum has a dog, but she is even mroe paranoid about leaving him alone with the children than I am, so I know I don't have to worry about that. My mum is always much more safe than I am - she says its down to the fact that when it is your children you are more relaxed with them, but she would never forgive herself if anything happened if she was in charge - says she's read too many stories in the papers where children have been serious hurt because Gran wasn't looking after them properly.

If you don't trust you mum, don't send them, its as simple as that - mother's instinct and all that. It doesn't matter if you feel over protective or irrational, if it feels wrong to you, then you need to stick with it.

With your mum coming to you - tell her that they are more settled in their own beds maybe?

mistressmiggins · 22/04/2006 20:04

yes but not often cos live in same town

My children usually stay at my parents on New Years Eve and I pick them up 9am

They are staying next week cos Im off to TAKE THAT [scream icon]

we see my parents nearly every day (my poor dad) so kids absolutely at ease at my parents

I am v v lucky

Flamesparrow · 22/04/2006 20:05

That is like with my mum MM

bourneville · 22/04/2006 20:13

It's a tough one. me & dd have both stayed over nearly once a week since she was - well, we lived there for the 1st 2 months and then were there once a week since then! :) This means grandma's house is like a second home to her, she loves it there, her travel cot is permanently up. (sparklemagic, don't know how much room there is at your parents' but do you ever do that/consider it if you're concerned about leaving your ds alone? if i go for a night out & they babysit, dd is at theirs & i go back to sleep there, unless they want to have her the next morning as well in which case i go home very happy ! )
however back to sparkler1, i don't know what i'd do if there were big concerns I had. I think with the puppy, it's probably fine for you to be completely honest, if you are going to stop your dcs going there. How would your mum react? It's not like you're saying anything about her care of them, rather about the puppy itself. She might be able to find a solution like keep the puppy shut in a separate room when she's unable to watch it properly with the kids.

Sparklemagic · 22/04/2006 20:20

bourneville, thanks, that's a really good idea! I would like to be there the first time I think, as he's never slept out of the house before (granny hasn't even put him to bed at ours!) so me being there as well for the morning would be a nice introduction to staying away from home I think.

Thanks for the thought!

bourneville · 22/04/2006 20:26

It's scary taking them out of routine/safe place isn't it? We have also stayed at my grandad's twice and also in a rented cottage on holiday once - oh and at a friends house for another holiday too (wow! didn't realise how much!) she is 2.8.
I think it really helped that i stuck very solidly to the bedtime routine - bath, story, bed etc - though of course when we started staying away she was in a travel cot so couldn't keep getting out of bed! . oh, might also help to bring his own bedding from home, my dd used to cry before going to sleep every night at my mum's at first until i realised the blanket there was a different make to the one at home- and it worked ! talking here about a lot younger than 3 1/2 though of course.

Passionflower · 22/04/2006 21:26

Mum usually stays at ours (her house is too small for all three and if she didn't have them all the left out ones would riot) to look after the DD's for us and will happily have them for long weekends if we ask. We are very lucky to have my mum.

No I dont think you're eing over-protective. I wouldn't let my DD's sleepover unless I was 100% happy about the environment they'd be staying in.

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