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Original poster

Talking to a woman on the bus today....

60 replies

charliecat · 21/04/2006 12:14

...she was saying that she puts her dd on a bus at her house for her to get off a couple of stops later and then ride to her grans on her scooter. She 6.
She said the worlds no worse than it was when she was running about and it gives her dd confidence.
Couldnt do it myself.
Could you?
She said when do you then?
I said I thought when dd1, whos 8 was heading off to highschool, and that hopefully will be with friends.
Wonder how our kids will turn out, one so carefree and the other paranoid parent !!!

OP posts:
Pollyanna · 21/04/2006 13:36

statistically the world isn't more dangerous than 30 years ago. I used to walk to primary school on my own. I wouldn't let my 7 yo ds though, he would get run over I'm sure. He has the option of getting the school bus on his own when he is 8, I'm not even sure I will let him do that.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 21/04/2006 13:48

There's a lot more traffic though than there was 30 years ago. I walked to school at 7 but didn't allow my own to until 10.

edam · 21/04/2006 13:54

I used to walk to Infant's school on my own. We lived in a village so everyone knew each other and I didn't have to cross any main roads. Don't think I'll be willing to let ds do the same at such a young age.

Very sad that children have so little freedom now - all the kids in my road used to play out together, go down to the woods, play in the stream, disappear off for hours. If anything had gone wrong, someone would have run to the nearest house and asked a grown-up for help. Can't imagine that happening now.

I'll teach him my mother's rule though, in case he gets separated from me when we are out and about. That's to ask a mummy – someone who has children with her – to help, or go into a shop and ask the assistant.

wilbur · 21/04/2006 14:05

I went on the train to school on my own from the age if just turned 7. I was chaperoned, but not formally, by older girls at same school who would have been about 12. There was about a 8 minute walk at the other end to the Junior school which I did on my own. At the time it was fine, and it would be nice to think that ds1 could take himself to school in 3 years time, but there aren't many other kids on the train to his school and I worry more about the traffic tbh. A bit of freedom is definitely in order at that age though, dh and I have already discussed when we would let ds1 go across to our corner shop to buy something on his own.

FairyMum · 21/04/2006 14:21

Greensleeves, yes, but then being home alone and using the oven is no more dangeorus than 30 years ago either. The only things which has changed is that people are more paranoid and bring up children less able to look after themselves because they are never given any freedom. I am also over-protective when it comes to certain things BTW. Sometimes even hysterically so.....

expatinscotland · 21/04/2006 14:31

FM,
You do understand that a parent can be charged w/abandonment for leaving a child under 14 home alone in many places in the UK, tho, right?

SaintGeorge · 21/04/2006 14:39

I try to give DS1(8) as much freedom as I can but yes, I am stricter than my mother was. Mainly because of traffic and enviroment.

DS1 goes half way to school on his own, with one very small road to cross. However, I am 3 minutes behind him with DS2 so if he encounters traffic he stops and waits for me. At his age I was crossing 2 main roads to the bus stop and then another at the other end of my journey.

Caligula · 21/04/2006 14:53

So what is the legal position on allowing children out unchaperoned? It seems the position on them being in the house is pretty clear - it's not illegal, but if they do hurt themselves you could be up on a charge - but what about outside the home? Does anyone know?

Kathy - yes I think you're probably right!

crunchie · 21/04/2006 15:12

I think it depends on a number of factors, the area you live, the sensibilness of the child and the attitude you have.

At 9 I was going on the bus from London to Hatfeild - 30 miles, when someone dropped me at the bus stop in London and being picked up the other end. Mum recalls a time I wasn't on the bus though as i decided I was hungry and went to get something to eat. I missed the bus and had 1hrs wait. When I finally got home (walked the last mile) Mum was a bit pissed off!!

My 7 year old is very sensible so I am looking forward to the time she can go to the shop on her own - 1/4 mile walk, across one road. I think in the next year she should be fine.

FrannyandZooey · 21/04/2006 18:21

Our local library state that children under the age of 7 should not be left on their own there. That seems pretty sensible to me; not sure if I would leave a seven year old in there myself, but an 8 or 9 year old, yes.

Original poster
charliecat · 21/04/2006 21:31

\link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?rn=28340&topicid=9&threadid=166349&redir=28340\this got me thinking today about why im paranoid}

OP posts:
cheesecake · 21/04/2006 22:58

I dont think she wants to give her children freedom I think she is too lazy to take them to school herself IMO

Clary · 22/04/2006 00:27

Hmm I think 6 is too young for this.
But I do think we need to let children have some freedom sometime.
Some of the posts on the "leaving kids in the car" thread made me gasp. People don't like to leave them in the car while they put the trolley away at Asda?????
Today I let 6yo DS1 cycle up the street (very quiet residential street) and back, because he wanted to show off to us a bit. I was watching from outside our house with a friend and her DSs. He actually cycled out of sight (beyond some parked cars) but of course we knew he was there. And nobody jumped from behind a bush to grab him. Well shoot me now but I thought that was fine. Gosh he was on his own for a few minutes with no-one holding his hand...
The walk to school alone thing is tricky. I would like it if DS1 could walk on his own (there's one busy road and one zebra) when he was about 8 but then he would have to take DD and DS2 (who would be 6 and 4) with him which I agree with Charliecat would be unacceptable. So he'll actually be a lot older than I would like, probably 11 or so, unless he goes independently of us with a friend maybe.

heymissymum · 22/04/2006 00:29

bugsy2 - you really went on bus journeys by your self at aged 4.5 did you live in a city or the countryside (UK) at the time - this makes a difference I think? but this still sounds very young to me? Smile not bring rude I hope, just interested to know more..

monkeytrousers · 22/04/2006 00:36

My mother did that with me at that age in the 70s and she also didn't like me much..I wouldn't do it with DS.

monkeytrousers · 22/04/2006 00:40

I think statistically children aren't at any more risk from paedophiles, that stat is very stable, but I j=have no idea about traffic or other local crime factors. It would very much depend on where you lived and how far you had to walk I'd imagine.

heymissymum · 22/04/2006 00:49

monkeytrousers - sounds very much like a seventies things (says I born in the seventies) - I used to go to school and back on the bus but think I must have been more like 8 /9/ 10 - how things have changed!!

ghosty · 22/04/2006 02:49

Well, I was nearly abducted at the age of 7 walking home from school so I do have a problem with the idea of letting DS walk to school on his own (he is now 6 and a half and many Year 1 and 2 kids in NZ walk alone ... he would love to but I can't face it).

heymissymum · 22/04/2006 03:32

take him and pick him up ghosty - this is what I plan to do with afterschool or beforeschool help when dd gets to that age

heymissymum · 22/04/2006 03:34

and shocking what happened to you!!

fairyjay · 22/04/2006 03:43

My kids don't do what I was allowed to at their ages, although we are trying to encourage them to be more independent.

Trouble is, we'll protect them until 18, and then say 'off you go and get on with it', and they won't have a clue!!

threebob · 22/04/2006 07:34

It's funny isn't it Ghosty that here in NZ you can't leave a child alone in the house until they are 14, but it's okay for them to walk down the street to school by themselves. Does that mean we can leave our 13 year olds in the garden and not get in trouble?

ghosty · 22/04/2006 07:48

I know 3bob ... and also isn't it funny that there is no law in the UK for what age they can be left home alone but most people in England walk or drive short distances to pick up their kids?

DS and I have made a deal. Next term I am going to wait for him outside the school gates ... then the following term I told him I might wait up the road a bit and then every term I will wait a bit further away ... so that way, by the time he is in Year 12 he may be able to make it all the way home on his own Grin

sixtwosix · 22/04/2006 08:25

i think six is far far too young to travel on the bus alone. i agreetwith the poster who says the mom is probly just lazy.
however, i would allow my 9 year old to go ddown the rooad to his friends house on his own, as long as i was on the phone to the mom so i know he has arrived safely.
i also leave him alone at home when i pick my sis up from the train statiioon, im gone for a toatl of about ten to fifteen minutes. aand tbh, if i didnt tell him i was going, he probly wouldnt even notice i had gone. but i wouldnt leave him in charge of his younger siblings. i dont think a 9 year old shouold be put into a postion of responsiblity they are not mature enough for.

Riddo · 22/04/2006 08:52

I don't let my six year old ds go anywhere without an adult. He has little road sense and is too short to see past parked carsd etc. I am paranoid about roads as 1st was killed on a zebra crossing (in London). I let dd go to school on her own when she was 10 but was following anyway with ds. We have to cross a main busy road. There is a pelican crossing but drivers often go straight through it as they are looking ahead to the traffic lights at the junction.

As a child I went to school on my own from 8 but it was a five minutes walk on very minor roads and my mum watched us cross the only road involved.

My concern with the 6 year old on the bus would be - could I forgive myself if anything happened?

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