We have no friends...

[dejags]

I think me & DH must be the saddest couple in the world. Pre-DS we had quite a lot of friends (most bordering on the acquaintance side of things).

Since he was born things have just gone downhill. We simply don't have any mates - when we lived in SA we were always popping in to see people and vice versa and now we are lucky if we see anybody once a month. I think the problem stems from the fact that we have not lived in one place for any length of time since 1994.

I don't think we are awful people - both of us love to socialise and meet people. We are just so busy that by the time weekends come along we just don't have the energy to go out and "find" friends. Not that it's possible to do that in London in any event.

How do we go about establishing a social circle at the grand old age of 30 and 31 respectively? We are due baby no 2 in September and I really would love to have more than one person at my baby shower.

Any advice greatly received.
TIA

do you go to a mother and toddler group - this is often a good place to meet others

London is not an easy place to make brand new friends I agree
Where abouts are you?
I'm in North London

Can you manage to get on to an NCT refresher course, Dejags? Opinions vary on the demographics of the NCT (knit your own yogurt is a view held by some) but as well as getting some helpful tips on dealing with second-time birth, you will meet some local couples in the same situation.
Other ways to meet people - through church or other religious meeting places. We've made good friends that way and they're not that holy if you're concerned about being brainwashed or whatever ; through mother and toddler groups; and don't laugh - I've made several good friends whom I see socially just through Mumsnet! Sorry. some of these are a bit obvious...
I do sympathise. You've travelled further than many, but in general UK society is fragmented and a lot of us gradually lose touch with former friends from university, even if we haven't moved country etc. About 18 months after ds was born, I felt just like you do now. I even posted about it on here.
Plucking up the emotional courage (and the energy) to go out and deliberately look for friends wasn't easy but through a combination of the above I did meet some new, lovely people.
Errr, aren't we all supposed to be organising ourselves for a meal somewhere in SE London/N Kent...

Sorry that post must sound as if I really feel sorry for myself and that I am a really sad lonely soul - it's not so much that but just wanting interaction with somebody besides DH & DS

Unfortunately I work full time so M&T groups are out until I start maternity leave in August.

I was thinking about joining NCT for this pregnancy - we didn't bother when I was pg with DS. It seems that a lot of people have made really good friends through NCT... but I am not sure if we are eligible as this is our second baby - any ideas anyone?

do you and you dh work, are there any work colleagues you would like to socialise with, invite round for dinner. How old is your ds? as FD said mother and toddler groups? Are there any ante natal groups you could go to so you could meet people due at the same time as you? Rotary Club/Lions?

Message withdrawn

Thanks Marina - our posts crossed..

I will resurrect the Kent/SE London thread - it would be lovely to meet some mumsnetters...

I will also try the NCT. I think we have always relied heavily on our families as a social network - at least when we lived in South Africa we did. Here we don't have that and I have to confess I feel lost - social complexity in London seems that much more complicated than in sleepy simple Cape Town

p.s you're not sad people just haven't discovered your friendship potential Mumsnetters meet up?

ROFLMAO Twinkie....

see resurrected SE London/Kent thread in about an hour...

PS: I like to think I am not a complete cow.. (not all the time at any rate )

Of course you're eligible Go to here where you can find contact details for your nearest branch and also find out about antenatal classes.

you don't have to be a member to benefit from the NCT although it is nice if you do. If you do join, you can get involved in helping with your local branch activities and meet more people that way. I've met loads of people helping my local branch - some I'll keep for ever, some I wish I'd never met!

I think we're in a similar position, with the added complication that the sort of people I get on with are not the sort of peole Dh gets on with and vice cersa. We have a few sets of good friends but all live a few hundred miles away (at least). Since moving (nearly 12 months ago) I've met one person I seem to get on with, but she is a f/t mum and i work f/t so it's hard to get together. I feel awkward about suggesting w/e get togethers because for many people that's "family time".

Will your DD be in nursery whilst your on mat.leave? If so many hospitals do post-natal exercise groups etc. and i met loads of people that way (who now all live 350 miles away!)

I think it's much harder if you work f/t tbh. Find some baby activities - there's a Saturday morning baby music group near us in SE London which none of the children like very much but we all go because there's a group of cool parents (in our opinion, obviously!). Definitely do the NCT thing. Made some great friends through the tea group thing post natally (never did classes as always knew would have to have c-section) - it's great, you go round to people's houses and have tea. And through them I've met other people. And now ds is at nursery, we know even more. My childless friends are jealous! Also know a couple of great Mumsnetters with kids of similar age to ds.

Hi Dejags
I moved city between having my first and second children and was in a similar position to you. I didn't join the NCT, but did phone them once my daughter was born and helped set up a local tea group - it was great and gave me a chance to meet other women in the area with babies of a similar age. I'm back at work now, but still in touch with them all. BTW, two of the women were second-time mothers like me (and you!)

Thanks everybody - I have contacted the NCT and revived the Mumsnetter meet up thread for my area...

My belated new years resolution is to have some friends to celebrate next new year with ...

I'd agree it's definately harder if you work full time - especially if you don't work close to home and/or your colleagues don't have young children anyway. And even the "nursery door" thing doesn't really work too well as everyone tends to be in a rush to get to work in the mornings, whereas (at least at our nursery) pick-up times are staggered so you don't meet everyone anyway. Had you thought of seeing if you could organise a mums/parents night (just a meal somewhere) through your nursery? I bet you're not the only one in this position and plenty of others would jump at the chance.

The lack of out-of-work-hours baby/toddler/mum(!) activities is a real bugbear. There are actually quite a lot of opportunities if you happen to be at home and available mid-week, mid-day, but very little outside of work hours. Unfortunately mumsnet meetups tend to fall into this trap a bit too (have yet to make one despite several attempts as the majority always seems to favour the daytime midweek option).

Hi Dejags...congratulations on your pregnancy. Just to agree the NCT/MN thing. I met some really nice Mums at our Tea group who with their partners are now friends of both DP and I, AND have now had partners involved in a friendship that was originally a MN meet-up, so it isn't just a 'Mums' thing. Remember that when people go to tea groups, they are actually looking for friends with children their own children's age, so it's not just you being Billie No-mates.