Why DO babies exhaust their mums so much in those early months?

[TinyGang]

It seems a daft question I know, but why have babies not evolved to be less demanding?

Surely if their survival depends totally on one person, how is it to their advantage to often push that person to the limit in terms of sleep deprivation etc? Just wondered as I see so many threads from poor frazzled new mums desparate for a rest. I was one too once. Is it supposed to reinforce bonding in some way?

Just wondered.

Evolutionary speaking - cause we walk upright. A pelvis which was any larger would prevent us from doing so. Therefore, we expel our babies at the largest possible point. This makes for risky pregnancies and birth, but overall the rewards of walking upright, and freeing hands to do all the incredible stuff they do has been worth it. Then, when you think about it - this hardly developed feotus then DOES develop at an extraordinary rate. That rate of growth into a walking, talking, thinking creature is bound to be pretty exhausting.

Also in generations gone by - children were brought up in extended families.

Also - today's generation are conditioned to grow up and be selfish and have more leisure time than much of women hood throughout the centuries. When we give birth, and the change to selfless creature giving our all to a baby is a bit of a shock to say the least.

Add to that the incredible "knowledge" that we have about developing babies, and the pressure to "help development" and the guilt it adds, it doesn't make life easier. I sometimes wonder about those babies is poor, large families many moons ago, that were probably left to their own devices alot and still managed to grow up! And those babies strapped to mums, who by this connection were happier and more content than those babies these days which are screaming for attention all the time, because we cannot get our head around the idea of keeping them attached to us at all times...

Lots more to it than that, but a couple of thoughts...

Maybe it's so for the next few years we'll think they're easy

Hmm good points CatBert, thanks. Very true about it being more of a shock to most of us nowadays. It certainly was to me!

Catbert's right. Human babies are called 'neonates' because they are so vulnerable and therefore dependent. Judging by our closest relatives, the great apes, we should be pregnant for a year!

A year?!

TinyGang, being demanding is a survival skill for a baby. If a baby did not cry when hungry or scared because it was left alone, how would the mother know that this baby has unmet needs. The inability to settle to sleep easily is also a protection mechanism for a still developing respiratory system. Easily entering deep sleep and staying there puts infants at risk of SIDS(or so some experts believe) because they can "forget" to breathe. I guess it is more about survival than bonding in the initial period.

But the more you meet a babies' needs, I think the better you feel as a parent. Bonding will come with time. Modern parenting is too dependent on quick fixes and expecting babies to have adult-type sleep, eating habits too soon. Good babies are not allowed to have demands. That's not very realistic.

Some babies are more demanding than others. I know my dd pushed me to the absolute limit on all fronts. I have had to adjust my expectations and once I did, things became easier, not physically, but at least psychologically. Yes, extended families and communities help to relieve the pressure, which our nuclear family structure does not. I love my (demanding) dd so much it is not funny.

Yes, I come from a small family and don't think I'd even held any baby properly until I had my own. I was terrified and had had no experience whatsoever.

me too! The isolation of modern parenthood compounds things.

There is a theory that we should be having a fourth trimester instead of nine months we should have 12. Sounded good in places but not in others, i could imagine having over a stone of baby instead of 9lb.

Completely agree with blueshoes almost word for word.
Also with everyone who pointed out the large family unit a baby would normally be have been born into.
I can't stand my family but if I could have cooried down with the baby and had people cook/clean and bring me cups of tea I'd have been a better new mother, or at least a happier one.