Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

I am so scared of being old and alone..

24 replies

oldandalone · 09/04/2006 00:50

anyone else?

(name changer here)

It is starting to take over my life, the worry of being on my own when I am 80 (or so)

OP posts:
jampots · 09/04/2006 00:52

not sure about being old and alone but the thought of being alone now is wonderfu;l

dolally · 09/04/2006 00:53

not wishing to belittle your feelings oldandal, but I worry about not reaching 80, and about NEVER being alone!!

myturn · 09/04/2006 00:54

Are you alone just now?

Chandra · 09/04/2006 01:01

I'm already alone and getting old. It's not that bad really, have you sorted upn your pension? do you have a lovely relationship with your children to ensure they and their families will continue to visit lovely Oldanalone granny?

Original poster
oldandalone · 09/04/2006 10:55

i am not alone now, i am married and have great kids. But scared of being old. A whole new phase of life which frightens me

OP posts:
Original poster
oldandalone · 09/04/2006 10:56

scared of being old and alone. I don't mind the idea of being old if I am still with my dh

OP posts:
Dior · 09/04/2006 11:16

You are going to grow old whatever happens. You can't control whether your dh is there or not. Have you considered talking to a professional about how you are feeling? It is obviously affecting your enjoyment of life now, which is not a good thing...

Original poster
oldandalone · 09/04/2006 11:19

Dior, I have wondered if I should. I know it seems mad and my rational side tells me to stop being stupid. Then I worry and worry when I see an old lady in Tescos with her lonely trolley

OP posts:
collision · 09/04/2006 11:23

But you cant ruin the lovely life you have now with your children and DH by letting it take over.

We will grow old but some oldies have fab lives and still go abroad and eat out and do the things they want to do.

I think you should talk to someone about this as it will ruin what you have now.

My parents are only 59 and 55 and go on and on and on and on about how old they are and it really gets me down because they arent old. It depresses people they are around TBH.

Caligula · 09/04/2006 11:26

If you build strong relationships with your children and continue to network and open yourself to as many new experiences as possible, you won't necessarily be alone. The old people I've met (quite a few) who are alone, tend to be those who have gradually over the years shut their lives down to a few narrow experiences and increasingly narrow circle of people. If you determine that you will continue to get out and about and keep learning and doing things, you won't be lonely.

Original poster
oldandalone · 09/04/2006 17:33

you are both right. I have a very full and active life. and it is mad to worry about what might happen in the long and distance future.

OP posts:
JoolsToo · 09/04/2006 17:49

the thing is oao - is you don't just suddenly wake up one day and you're old! It's a journey and there are new and wonderful things to see along the way - and you see things with different eyes and you change - its fascinating!

I'm probably a lot older than you and I don't fancy getting decrepit myself (the thought does cross my mind now and again about being dependent but it's pointless worrying about things like that because none of know what's going to happen in the future! All you can do is keep active and interested in things and keep your friends and family around you.

welshmum · 09/04/2006 17:52

I ended up in hospital yesterday surrounded by old people who really were on their last legs. It made me think about doing 4 things.

  1. Really looking after myself
  2. Making the most of my current health and fitness
  3. Treasuring and building up relationships with me extended and close family.
  4. Being conciously nice to older people I know. (well the nice ones Smile)
It was a bit of a wake up call really.
Mercy · 09/04/2006 18:04

Absolutely Jools.

My mother is now in her mid/late 60s and was widowed at 45, made redundant from her job at 55 amd for the most part is as happy as Larry.

What keeps her going is her family, friends and her interests (crosswords, reading, book group, adult ed. classes). Of course it was hard at first, but you must retain some form of independence however young or old you are.

Your children and any grandchildren will keep you going however old and lonely you may feel without a dh. My friend's 97 year old grandmother is a classic case.

Mercy · 09/04/2006 18:06

welshmum - what happened? (sorry if I'm being nosey)

Sparklemagic · 09/04/2006 18:51

I think as well as some of the helpful suggestions on here, maybe re-think a little. We are all alone really, whether married or not - we are alone in our minds and bodies and go through our journey through life alone, nobody takes exactly the same journey or is with us 24 hrs a day.

Work on being happy in your own company, feeling strong and independent, then maybe some of the fears will go about being on your own. It's not the worst thing in the world, so long as you like your own company!

Tortington · 09/04/2006 18:52

yes i do. i am afraid that my husband will die and that my kids will fuck off to slovakia and never visit and that i will turn into my mother, a bitter penny pinching old bitch that no one would wan to visit anyway.

Blandmum · 09/04/2006 18:55

I worry about being like my mother, 80, in a psychiatric hospital, unable to do anything for herself, incontinent, unable to recgnise anyone, talk.....basically a living hell. She has been like this for the last 4 years, gradualy getting worse and worse. I used to worry about dying young......now I know there are worse things Sad

welshmum · 09/04/2006 18:58

Well Mercy....bit of a tale.
0620 - woke up with crushing pain in chest, got so bad I couldn't think.
0640 - phoned NHS direct
0645 - in ambulance Shock oxygen, gas and air, ecg etc
0650 - 2100 - in hospital, 3 different wards, 8 different docs being tested for cardiac conditions
2100 - all clear, thank the Lord...back on Monday to try to find out the cause...probably inflammation of the oesophagus.
Feeling great now, so grateful for family, life the universe and everything.

dejags · 09/04/2006 18:59

I just worry about not making it to 80 - so much so that I have been referred to a counsellor to sort it out.

I have been so busy with other things in my life lately that I have tried to tackle the problem by myself in a really philosophical way. It has helped for me to just give in to feeling afraid for a short time and then to get busy with something to take my mind off it.

Original poster
oldandalone · 09/04/2006 19:15

god, thank you so much.

Joolstoo, you are right, we get old slowly and we adjust.

Welshmum how awful. i hope you are feeling better

sparklemagic, it is weird but I am so much happier with my own company since having children and being married. I used to being alone. Now I relish it.

I guess, i feel so lucky with my life now, I have a wonderful happy life and great dh and fabulous kids. I am scared that if i outlive dh I will go back to being a miserable person like I used to be before I met him...

and yet I know I am a much better person now than I was in my twenties. Much more tolerant, less self obsessed.\

God I am scared of being like my mum!

I do need to get some self worth back...i have lost it a bit recently
you are so kind...

OP posts:
collision · 10/04/2006 23:10

How are you doing today OAA?

Original poster
oldandalone · 11/04/2006 08:09

Thanks for asking.

God how am I, apart from a slight hangover!

I spent a few hours doing some voluntary work with old people yesterday, they seemed very contented!

I am trying to take al you advice and enjoy the now. Not easy when my first child is beginning to want his independence and so that scares me even more.

OP posts:
FioFio · 11/04/2006 08:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted

New posts on this thread. Refresh page