Who have you "left" your kids to in your will?

[CountessDracula]

DH and I are making new wills as going away soon together without dd. We have a BIG prob.

We have to say who we would like dd to go to if we both die. Don't want grandparents as they are old and though they love her to bits obv how would it be for her being brought up by people who are so old and my die at any moment (god forbid)

Then we have aunts and uncles. My brother and one sil are childless so would not be fair. Other sil would be perfect but is recovering alcoholic - not had drink for 4 years - is superb, adores dd, has own dd of 16 and would be very very up for it I'm sure, but I was there when she was drinking and bringing up her dd and it was no picnic for her dd to put it mildly. I have no other reservations about her, she is gay and in stable relationship, she is wonderful woman etc. BUT what if she falls off the wagon and her parents/us aren't there to bail her out as has happened before for years and years?

Otherwise it is one ofs dd's godparents and his dw, they are wonderful and I would have no qualms but they are swiss, living here at the moment, 2 kids of their own, adore dd etc and I know they would say yes, but if they move back to Switzerland as I am pretty sure they will within next 5 to 10 years what about her grandparents, aunts, uncle etc and her relationship with them?

What has anyone else done about this? And any opinions on the choices we have?

My sister and my DH's brother would be joint guardians. They both know that we don't expect either of them to necessaryily take our 3 on, but to look at the general situation and see who is in the best position (and willing) to have them. Our only provisos are that they don't get split up, they still see all their family and my MIL doesn't have them I trust them to make sure they are happy.

we have appointed my sister - they have 2 sons of their own (6 and 10)and were really honoured that we had asked them. The boys adore dd and I think it would work. My other siblings don't have children yet though plan on it. This is my oldest sister - it just works. God forbid it should ever have to though.

Remember when Paula Yates died and little Tiger was fought over by family here there and everywhere. In the end, Bob Geldof, who was not related by blood in any way, got custody which was the right decision IMO. Also his daughters were her half sisters.

Wonder if PY had made a will stipulating a guardian for Tiger?

Beety, have not asked brother and sil, but they are not a couple, bro is mine and sil is dh's sister. His other sister has been dry for 4 years, I know it's fantastic, she has done so well and tbh I can't see her going back to drinking as her life was so awful then, but you never know and I really don't want dd living with her if there is a possibility of that happening and people not realising or dd having to move again to someone else and suffer more upheaval. She and her girlfriend would def be up for it I know but I just can't take that risk with my little girl.

One thought I had, would it be possible to appoint 3 guardians eg both our Mothers and also the godfather. Then he could step in and be sensible if any family crap got in the way. He is fantastic, very level headed and responsible and he and his dw have 2 kids who dote on dd. I know he would do the best for her, as would my family.

PPH thanks for the advice, I thought you had to specify who they were living with but the guardianship thing sounds very sensible. Presumably you can specify wishes eg don't want her to go to boarding school (unless she really wants to), don't want her to inherit large sums of money young etc?

this scenario actually became real life for someone i know.Her friend was a single parent,boys dad died andno real contact with hisfamily(overseas)sowhen she became terminally ill decided to make my friend legal guardian.Sadly she died,and so friend and husband became the newparents,they had no children of their own at the time.seven years on and they now have 4 children as two biological ones have come along.they really are a big very happy family,will also add that eldest ds(not bio)has quite severe SN so this added to her decision to ask friend to be new mum as she knew absolutely that she would cope.

we've had to thik through this one, as we live and work abroad, and don't exactly live the normal expat lifestyle. We have a dilemma that my dh is dutch, so if ds is brought up by people in the UK, they will loose their dutch language, but if brought up in Holland, mysil and bil are both childless, and dh's dad is not an option (his mum is dead) Also just to make it more complicated, we have quite strong Christian beliefs, and we would like to share those with our ds, and my family áre all atheists.

In the end we decided to appoint guardians, my parents and my sil jointly, and we decided they would have to decide at the time what is going to be the best. We trust both of those to make good decisions for ds based on the circumstances, and by having both families invloved, there won't be a bias.

It is a very hard decision isn't it?

yoko, although tragic, I am glad the orphaned children got to live in such a happy and caring family