INTROVERTS THREAD ...shhhh, we're over here

[NorksAreMessy]

Hello fellow introverts. I hope the last thread exploded due to time since it was started, and not because it was controversial. :o

I started the original thread after reading the wonderful book quiet and realizing that I was not alone.

Lots of people were kind enough to share their thoughts and experiences, and it was a good support for those of us who like being alone; hate parties, especially hen nights; love reading, crafting, walking, painting, creating; enjoy solitude; need some recovery time after being in a crowd; prefer thought to action.

We are not necessarily shy, we can be confident and even outspoken, but we are at our happiest having a bit of a think on our own, thanks all the same

It's a bit odd to have a group of introverts, but I prefer to think of us as a collective. Separate but together.

As Christmas approaches, I thought we might need a thread to help us through it all

Norks you're absolutely right, and I get annoyed that I feel I have to defend her shyness. She's absolutely lovely with people she knows very well, but will take ages to be comfortable with new people. She has seen our neighbour at least once a week for the last year+, and is only just now brave enough to come out from behind my legs. She will play with strange kids, no problems at all.

What I don't want is for her to pick up on my defensiveness about her IYSWIM, and think that she is in the wrong. I def don't want to change her, she is fab.

Anyway Norks, echoing Mef and Peer, this is a great fred - a godsend - and you are awesome.

I have just been talking to someone about "discovering" I am an introvert - and they disagreed strongly with me. He told me introverts are withdrawn (whereas I can be very talkative) and often end up alone (and I am married) Is this just a stereotype?

After reading Quiet I figured I am definitely an introvert, quite strongly in fact. But I am not shy and am quite chatty with people I know well.

I don't know if my DD is introverted or extroverted but I aim to encourage her to be who she is, whatever that is.

And I agree that this thread is fantastic,and reading it has certainly helped me to understand why I have spent years with migraines when the office party comes around, and hiding in the toilets at "networking" events etc.

Smudge there do seem to be so many qualities that become associated with introversion, or that we as introverts get labelled as, incorrectly. I am not at all shy and will happily initiate conversations, although I can be quite overwhelmed sometimes (especially with shouty/screamy types as others have mentioned).

I used to get upset when people described me as aloof or that I seemed a bit snooty or arrogant (which couldn't be further from the truth). I just clam up when I feel like the only non-loud, in-your-face one among a group and maybe that appears as if I am being disapproving or judgemental. It is more that I feel very uncomfortable in these circumstances and I never know what to say.

I suppose I am quite eccentric too and my interests might seem a bit boring/odd so that makes me even less likely to speak up in loud groups. I'm probably not expressing this very well but here I feel I'm speaking to kindred spirits.

Wow, there's been a flurry of activity tonight!

Another one here who has a lot to thank this thread (and Norks, by association!) for... Quite honestly, I have spent my life feeling abnormal, feeling guilty, feeling like I would never fit in and this thread has made me feel that I have nothing to be ashamed of in not enjoying "fun" nights out, and provides a sanctuary full of people who understand. It is heart-warming to hear so many people saying the same. Thanks, Norks!

Hello everyone. I have re-found this thread by chance (all you talkative introverts moving it into active) so am marking my place to come back and read tomorrow.

This must have been shared here before, but I like it and will share in case anyone missed it: Dr Carmella's Guide to Understanding the Introverted

www.pinterest.com/pin/283234264035626623/

Aloof
Stuck up
loner
boring
shy
quiet
low self esteem
low confidence
withdrawn
rude
judgemental
socially inept (that one really pissed me off)
weird
strange
uptight

Yep. I've been called all of these and all because I don't want to go out and get drunk.

On the plus side...we now have "Introvert Bingo".

We can have sentances too as part of the game:

Need to drag you out of your shell
Show you a good time
let yourself go
relax a bit more

Does anyone else have more to add?

ffs sentences (I've just have to write that word in RL too)

"Once you get there, you'll be really glad you made the effort"
(No, I won't, I'll wish I'd trusted my instincts and stayed at home...)

Or my favourite, said in an attempt to drag me away from my lovely family on to some horrendous spa day / night out / weekend away: "you need to make some time for yourself!"

can I join?
I don't drink anymore (after being a wild child teen)
I'm a SAHM, recently separated & now learning to crochet in my empty evenings.
I avoid large social occasions as I can't stand drunk, loud, in your face people.

nice to meet you, I'm killpeppa

I am now counting the shifts until my uber-extrovert colleague goes on Maternity leave.

I'm paranoid that feeling that way reflects badly on me. I just can't wait for peace.

Of course, killpeppa, lovely to have you.

Secret Nutella Fix: I feel the paranoia (plus guilt) too but I know now that it's just how I am and there's not a whole load of point trying to change it

My MIL is in the UK at the moment and announced today she'll be staying for months, not the usual 2-4 weeks. She likes to come round every day.

I have snapped today and asked her not to come tomorrow, and told her it's not OK to come every day. There is a big back story here so it's not about needing some peace in my own home (and as a result of the back story DH absolutely agrees) but I'm now torn between feeling guilty and relieved that it has been said.

I cannot cope with constant visitors, that's not terrible is it? I'd say the same about my own parents but they wouldn't dream of it.

Not terrible at all. I couldn't bear that. Couldn't bear it from my own Mum let alone MIL.

While we're on the subject, is it an introvert thing to not like people calling round unannounced, do you think?

I would never dream of just calling on even my closest friends, even family actually, without phoning first yet for some people it seems completely normal to just drop in on people.

Maillot - I've had to have the same discussion with my mum after she invited herself around for a month - with 2 days notice.

I felt horrible but so relieved afterwards. She's not spoken to me properly since but like your's, there is a history which hasn't helped matters.

I HATE having visitors. HATE IT.

I don't like unannounced callers except for one good friend who I don't see often, who is also an introvert and very good at not staying too long. Other than that I'm not even keen on the postman knocking but that might just be me being odd.

Seagull, I don't know to be honest. It could be down to how you were brought up...For instance, I was brought up that it was rude to just turn up at someone's house (irony from my mother) and to always call first. On the other hand I know plenty of families who think it's ok and they have an open door policy.

I think it's more a personal thing than an introvert thing.

Farrow, I think you're probably right. I sometimes wish I was one of those people who had an open door policy, they always seems so relaxed and laid back, whereas I'm just plain irritated if people turn up unannounced.

I just can't get my head around people doing it - the people you're going to see could be doing ANYTHING!! My Mum makes me laugh, she'll travel half an hour to go and see a friend who she hasn't told she's coming then MOANS when her friend isn't in!

Farrow those words and phrases are all horribly familiar. I inwardly groan/weep whenever I hear "oh I will keep you company" or something alluding to the fact that I couldn't possibly be absolutely fine on my own with my book/ipod/thoughts but would clearly much rather have to make awkward conversation with someone else.

I know it is generally meant with the very best intentions and I don't mean to be uncharitable, but I just find it so intrusive. To me it highlights an essential introvert/extrovert mutual misunderstanding.

Just thinking about the extrovert/introvert difference regarding being alone in public e.g. in the pub, and I find this is one area that neatly demonstrates (for me at least) that introversion is not the same as lack of confidence.

I find that my extrovert friends are often reluctant to sit alone in a pub or restaurant if they are the first to arrive and prefer to meet outside. I find this a bit weird and would much rather take a seat inside on my own. I often deliberately turn up a bit early and it is often my favourite part of the evening.

I have been told to just relax a bit more and sooo wish I trusted my instincts not to go to the excruciating "mums night out" which has ensured I'm now labelled boring/quiet/not worth talking to. Luckilly there are lovely people around I can talk to (and get a word in edgeways with!).

Does anyone find that people talk at you? I know someone who does this, I find her very hard work and don't think I have ever managed to have a proper conversation with her. As soon as I see her (mum of one of DC's friends) she rattles off a big list of what they've been doing/who they've been seeing etc. It just exhausts me...

Having said all that, I feel very self conscious waiting for people inside the pub/cafe so always go a little late, or wait outside. Does that make me a bad introvert?

I am so relieved to find this place by the way

Just noticed this thread, can we talk NYE? I have always hated NYE, I spent my early teens and twenties hiding at midnight. I now stay in or have a quiet meal. I suspect I belong on this thread.