INTROVERTS THREAD ...shhhh, we're over here

[NorksAreMessy]

Hello fellow introverts. I hope the last thread exploded due to time since it was started, and not because it was controversial. :o

I started the original thread after reading the wonderful book quiet and realizing that I was not alone.

Lots of people were kind enough to share their thoughts and experiences, and it was a good support for those of us who like being alone; hate parties, especially hen nights; love reading, crafting, walking, painting, creating; enjoy solitude; need some recovery time after being in a crowd; prefer thought to action.

We are not necessarily shy, we can be confident and even outspoken, but we are at our happiest having a bit of a think on our own, thanks all the same

It's a bit odd to have a group of introverts, but I prefer to think of us as a collective. Separate but together.

As Christmas approaches, I thought we might need a thread to help us through it all

How is everyone? Did you enjoy Easter? We are visiting relatives next week and going to York with the DC for the first time. Has anyone got any entertainment suggestions?

Has anyone else seen the "are you an INTJ thread that is kicking about"? Apparently female INTJ's are the worst personality types

In more cheerful news, in spite of the random snow showers the birds are very busy around here. Free food every day brings them out in hordes My DP's spotted a garden warbler, which is apparently unusual in South Wales at this time of the year. Goes to look at RSPB website...

I can't tell you how glad I am to have found this thread. Have longed for a rant on MN for ages but have always feared a proper flaming.

I've always been an introvert - I was an only child and I think that has a lot to do with it, having to entertain myself/make my own fun etc. I look back very fondly on my childhood (am now 30) although I did strangely envy people with siblings! I suppose the bustle of a busy house was attractive because it was so different to my quiet home life, but I could always break away from it.

Trouble is, I seem to have a knack of attracting quite clingy people who seem to value quantity over quality - i.e. to be a Good Friend you have to be in touch several times a week, and meet up at least once in that time. I wish I was like that, and believe me I've tried, but being an introvert (and a SAHM) I don't feel I have anything particularly interesting to say and really struggle with the regular small talk. I'm also conscious of not wanting to bore people. One friend in particular gets quite defensive and I always come away feeling drained and a bit worse about life because I've spent a large part of the time together apologising for myself and justifying (or not!) why I can't be at her beck and call.

I do have a set of lovely friends from school, plus my oldest friend from v early childhood, and I see most of them three or four times a year. They're all perfect because we get together and talk nonsense, laugh and share comfortable silences, and it's like we saw each other yesterday. No awkwardness, no hard feelings or note-keeping on who last made contact.

Sorry this has turned into a horrible rant (and I do wonder sometimes how I have any friends at all!)

I had people over yesterday and it did my head in. Can't keep hiding in the loo when you are the host really.

Ah, I hide in the kitchen when I'm the host! Although then someone will take it upon themselves to "keep me company" so not only have I got to make small talk but I've got to do it while I'm trying to cook!
I have a meeting this week away from the office which entails a two hour car journey each way with just me and a colleague. And it's a colleague who likes to chat. No escape . DH says just put the radio on and say you want some peace and quiet. If only I had the courage (audacity!) to do that, my life would be much easier.

Another introvert here; haven't read "Quiet", but I read the reviews when it came out and made a note I ought to read it.
Just to blast apart the youngest child theory, I am a middle one, with an extrovert either side and was permanently being moaned at as a child as I kept escaping to my room to read a book.
Dh is also an introvert and we make space for one another, as well as time together. Ds1, despite being mr confident ,is also an introvert and retreats to his own space to play by himself regularly.
For greenhill, if I'm not too late and you've already been to York, we returned today. Dc favourite places were the museum gardens, railway museum (in repeated short doses, very busy) and Dig, the archaeological museum.

Does anyone else with an extrovert OH worry that the DC prefer being with him? One DC is an extrovert and the other an introvert but both adore their Dad because he is always taking them out places as he can't sit still or be alone!

Just popping back t see if mandragora has made it over here yet. She is worrying about the school run.
I used to manage quite well when I had DS in a pushchair, or a dog on a lead, as it was something else to focus on, but I really enjoyed the walk back home completely alone, and the front door shutting behind me when I got in was blissful :)

How did you get on seagulls?

Morning all, finally reading Susan Cain's Quiet. Finding it really inspiring. Anyone else reading it at the moment?

Really struck a chord with the points about introverts really finding the Internet a great way to communicate.

Wishing you all a very peaceful day with little interruption

oopla isn't it just brilliant? like somebody telling you a wonderful secret :)

Thanks for the suggestions wearymum we enjoyed the National Railway Museum, but didn't get a chance to go to Dig. Will remember it for another time though .

The DC loved The Wheel of York, but I had to grin and bear it as I'm not great with heights. I'm trying not to pass on my fear though.

Does anyone else pretend they aren't scared of heights, snakes, barking dogs etc so that their DC won't have an irrational fear of them?

norks I am exactly the same once I've dropped my DC off at school and Playgroup. It is such a relief to not be talked at continuously I'm only on my own for a few hours a week, but I find the silence energising.

It worked out ok in the end, Norks, thanks. My colleague went separately so I ended up travelling with my boss, which is still infinitely harder than travelling alone but at least we just talked about work all the way. He doesn't do small talk either and in fact is quite happy to just listen to the radio for a while too so it was bearable.
I've realised since the DC went back to school / nursery after Easter how much more draining I find school days, where their energy and noise is concentrated into 2 hours before school and 3 hours afterwards, compared to school holidays where it's a steady onslaught of general noise all day, which somehow seems more bearable. Does that make any sense?

seagulls I know what you mean about school holidays being less draining. It is easier to get DC out of the door for a fun activity when there isn't a set time for leaving the house. A 'steady onslaught' of noise sums up my house too

I'm glad the car journey was bearable too.

Have just ordered "Quiet".... Only 388 posts later! You can tell I don't rush into things, can't you?

seagulls steady now :)

Can I join? I can't even cope with 2 people having a conversation with me. It freaks me out. I also loathe and hate noise.

In fact I think I want to live in a sensory deprivation tank thing

oranges pull up a cosy chair in the book nook and we will leave you alone for a little while in peace :)

I have had a blissful day gardening with our lovely nearly deaf and introverted gardener.

We chat about important things like mulch and how to stop the sheep getting into the garden, but then we happily work on our own projects at opposite ends of the garden.

I saw my first swift of the year today...always makes me insanely happy...and planted twelve tiny box bushes and chopped great lumps out of the creeper that climbs over the pergola.

When I got undressed I had a sort of bra on under my clothes made of dirt that had found its way down my cleavage :)

A day that ends with me covered in dirt, paint, varnish, glue, wallpaper paste, flour, thread, oil or seawater is ALWAYS a good day

Ok, I have a question:

A number of people on here (me included) have only just discovered "what we are", i.e, not boring or weird or miserable or anti-social, just introverted. We mustn't have been told as we were growing up that this is ok, or normal, otherwise we wouldn't all be so relieved to find this thread. I never had a conversation even close to covering anything like this with my parents. A lot of us must have grown up believing that it was a negative aspect of our personality.

So, how do we stop the same thing happening to our introvert DC? How and when do we tell them that it's ok to be like this, bearing in mind there is always the risk of making them feel it is a negative when actually they'd never even considered it was!!

That day sounds blissful, by the way, Norks. My garden looks like a war zone because of the wind. I daren't go in it for risk of being clobbered by random flying debris

Well, for a start, your Dc are lucky enough to have you as a parent. :)
So when they just want to read all day, or don't want to talk because they are thinking, or would rather not go to a party...you will be sympathetic.

It is, as with so many aspects of parenting, all about finding out who they are and helping them to become who they are meant to be.

I am lucky in that my DH and both DC are fairly introverted, so this has never been a problem. I do sometimes wonder how I would have coped with an extrovert child. How would I have supported her? How would I have stopped myself from criticizing her?

Well, that's really kind of you, Norks, though I suspect the DC would disagree with you

DS1 is clearly an introvert and I do feel guilty about situations I have put him in in the past (when I thought he was just being anti-social) which will probably have been horrible for him. Now I know that it is safer to refuse a party invitation if he doesn't want to go than to take him and make him and probably everyone else miserable. I also know that if we have a lot of family over to our house at the same time, he will invariably disappear at some point. Mind you, so will I

DS2 is only 3 but is looking already like he is going to be much more extroverted. He is totally at ease in social situations and just wants to talk... And talk... And talk... I half admire and envy him and half just wish he'd have a quiet moment every now and then!

Seagulls- re your point about not passing on negative images. One been thinking about this too. The first thing I'm going to do is stop using the word 'shy'. I do it all the time when ds doesn't want to talk or greet new people. I thought I was doing him a favour by pointing out that he's not being rude but that's more about my feelings.

Hi there - do you think it's possible to be an anti-social extrovert..? I'm definitely an extrovert (I know - I'll leave the thread, honest...) and always come out as such on Myers-Briggs, but I love a lot of the things talked about on this thread. For instance, dp has gone away this weekend so I've arranged for my Mum to have ds's overnight tonight and I CAN'T WAIT... . Am not going out - have got takeaway and trashy telly planned. I love being by myself and will regularly take days off work one own just to potter in the house.

Maybe I just have a split personality - or becoming more I as I'm getting older!

Ds1 is the only introvert amongst me, dp and our extremely extroverted ds2 and my heart breaks sometimes for ds1 who I can see sometimes genuinely struggling with all the noise and general chaos around him. As he's getting older he's finding ways to take himself off and read somewhere quiet and he loves his headphones that I suspect aren't even playing music most of the time...!

Can I join in please? I'm rubbish at maintaining friendships & always thought it was too much effort. Social gatherings seem like a major ordeal & when I book a spa day on my own ( bliss!) people always look stunned & offer to come with (no thanks). I have to be confident in my job & talk to people all day but honestly can't be bothered with it in my personal life. It's good to know that I'm not alone by wanting to be a loner, IYSWIM !