INTROVERTS THREAD ...shhhh, we're over here

[NorksAreMessy]

Hello fellow introverts. I hope the last thread exploded due to time since it was started, and not because it was controversial. :o

I started the original thread after reading the wonderful book quiet and realizing that I was not alone.

Lots of people were kind enough to share their thoughts and experiences, and it was a good support for those of us who like being alone; hate parties, especially hen nights; love reading, crafting, walking, painting, creating; enjoy solitude; need some recovery time after being in a crowd; prefer thought to action.

We are not necessarily shy, we can be confident and even outspoken, but we are at our happiest having a bit of a think on our own, thanks all the same

It's a bit odd to have a group of introverts, but I prefer to think of us as a collective. Separate but together.

As Christmas approaches, I thought we might need a thread to help us through it all

Merry Christmas everyone! Did everyone cope with a chaotic day?

Marking my place because I'm so happy to have found this thread. Have read the first seven pages ... and was then inspired to go and find an online personality quiz.

Oh the irony of getting to the end and finding this strapline:
"Guess what? "Personality tests are more fun when you take them with friends! Post this quiz to Facebook and invite your friends to take it too."
(sigh)

Christmas has been remarkably peaceful, on account of DH and I (both confirmed introverts) hiding at home with our children. However, DD2 (the only extrovert in the family) is bouncing off the walls. Am tentatively looking forward to visiting grandparents this weekend, with the proviso that BIL and SIL will also be there. It will be crowded, but BIL is probably the only person in the world that is more introverted than DH, so maybe we'll be able to get away with lurking quietly in several corners while Grandma keeps the bouncy child entertained?

I had a lovely day, thanks, surrounded by the eight people I love most in the world, the cooking all worked out, everyone had a good time, and the best bit? This afternoon, after 48 hours of people underfoot, they all left again !
I even persuaded DH to take DS with him to return MiL home, so I had a whole 90mins of peaceful pottering, and now feel restored.

I hope everyone had a good Christmas and has some downtime set aside in the next couple of days.

Oh, and Norks, my DSis forced us all into Santa hats or reindeer antlers - I was cringing even having to wear them in my own dining room!

Hi everyone. I have been lurking on this thread for some time. I can't tell you how happy it makes me feel to know that I am not just an anti social sod.

I, like many other introverts, can be very confident and chatty when I want to be. I was certainly very confident at work. However, the thought of a large group of people or a party,fills me with horror.

I hate being the centre of attention and for this reason had a very quiet, secret wedding with only two friends as guests.

I go to a reading group that has about 15 members but usually only 7 or 8 at a time. However, the Xmas meeting everyone goes and we all do secret Santa. Everyone opens their present one at a time with everyone watching. I was last this year,and thought I was going to cry with the awfulness of it all,as my time got nearer.

I love my own company. I no longer work and could quite happily spend days at a time pottering around the house.

I think many people would be astounded if I told them that I am an introvert as I appear very outgoing.

Can I join?

Oh wow, I think I am home... Can I come in if I sit quietly in the corner?

So much on here that I recognise! Just did the test, INTJ, 89% introvert - and just getting DH to do it too.

I hate going out, cannot cope with loud social gatherings, particularly where the music is really loud and you are expected to chat.

I talk all day in work, 1-1's and meetings, fine with that, but need to recharge on my own in the quiet. Spend a lot of nights alone in hotel rooms, it is bliss!
Have lost contact with loads of people over the years, as I find it really difficult to initiate contact. To be honest it doesn't cross my mind to phone/text people, if they need me they know where I am - but they would need to keep in contact as I cannot be relied upon to do it.
Cannot cope with visitors at home, I do not answer the door, or the landline most of the time.

New Years Eve is coming, I am guessing others here find it difficult? DH and I made a decision a few years ago, we stay in and watch tv by ourselves. Why do people think that everyone has to go out and 'have fun'?? I just don't get it.

Welcome all newcomers to the sanctuary of calm and quiet where we believe that 'fun' things are boring and 'boring' things are really rather lovely.

This was my Christmas eve...log fire, comfy sofa, Christmas tree (lights on steady, no twinkling or flashing...too stressful :) ), mulled wine, movies, DH, DD, DS and me...all introverts but happy being introverted together. I think it was my favourite day of the whole year

Oh, and as for NYE...early night every year for as long as I can remember. I loathe NYE parties more than any other sort except for hen nights.

Shall we have a NYE non-party here?

NYE non party sounds great. I don't want to be kissed at NY thank you though, I'd rather sit in that corner over there with the good light and the comfy chair. I will bring my own book.

I had to go to IKEA today, DH insisted. When we got there he revealed that I get to choose my own sofa for the downstairs office, which he is giving to me as a reading room/study space so I can escape when I need to (it was designed for him to work from home but he doesnt use it and its a dumping ground now). Best Xmas present ever. He is an extrovert but very understanding of what I need to survive (both DC are pretty extrovert too).

IKEA was hell though .

PMSL at "lights on steady, no twinkling or flashing ..." Am having a silent battle with our bubbly DD2 on this one. Unforunately she's now old enough to have worked out which buttons to press to make them flash.

(At the moment they are off and she hasn't noticed. Bliss!)

Our neighbours have a NYE party. Not only that, but they have a fancy dress NYE party, with cocktails and the children are expected to come along and "sleep" upstairs when they get tired. After a few years of feeling obliged/guilty/sick at the prospect, we have now learned that it's perfectly OK for us to say "Thanks for inviting us, but it's really not our thing". And to be honest, I think they knew that, really. So now they don't invite us, and we go to bed at the normal time and have a lovely lunch on new year's day. All happy.

Hello! I've been reading these pages over the last few days, sometimes when hiding out from too much socialising on those occassions when taking a book would have made me too conspicuous! I've been really interested in what you all have to say and it's been useful for helping me find areas where I can renegociate what I've got wrong. I've ordered the two books recommended on here. Looking forward to reading them.

I'm a clinical psychologist so have never worried about introversion being a bad sign. But over the last ten years or so I think I've pushed myself so far out of my comfort zone with the whole "feel the fear" thing that I have begun to struggle, especially with confidence and social phobia. But I know that I am not socially phobic or suffer from low self esteem, I've just misplaced my ability to look after my own needs and preferences and have become anxious as a result. This is only a recent realisation so I'm looking forward to getting back to myself, to doing more of what I like and to push myself less into arenas that I can manage well enough, arenas I excell well enough in but just really do not enjoy.

I can turn down a party invitation faster than... um, really fast things, and am highly skilled at leaving social things. I have wonderful friends who know I will not do fancy dress or go to parties expect to make a brief appearance at a birthday or other special occassion. Once a lecture or meeting has finished I will not hang about to chat. My friends know I'm just looking for space and those who don't know me, if they think badly of me then that is their choice. It's mostly work I need to work on. I have lost that protective boundary, pushed myself into teaching and leadership roles I do not enjoy, into too many situations that require chatting, small talk, which I cannot do. I was recently told "Oh, hello, I've heard so much about you". I was stumped, I do not do, and therefore do not know, the routine responses to this kind of common statement and all I came up with was "Oh?" leaving first him and then me to blush.

Sorry for the long post, feel like I've got to know you guys over the last few days!

twentythirteen that is a tremendously helpful post. I think I have done exactly the same thing with regard to work. For the last five years I have been working in a very "public" role, running a children and families' programme for a church. It is a role that has developed from something low key that I did voluntarily (mainly for the benefit of my own kids, if I'm honest) into a rather high-profile part time job. I can do it - I have got very good at faking confidence and am now comfortable speaking to groups of people about something that I am passionate about. But it does take its toll.

Your phrase about losing that "protective boundary" is really insightful. I am still effective at the job, but I feel like I am spending an unreasonable amount of time recuperating after every "public" event. And that takes its toll on my family, as well as on me. I've taken the plunge and said that I want to step down when my current contract finishes this summer. Which gives me nine months to try and find something more personality-friendly!

I think this year I'd really like to learn to look after myself better.

Jacks I was just reading your post about your forthcoming op and I can empathise with your comments about time alone. I had a bad accident last year necessitating a couple of weeks in hospital and four months at home. It was painful and inconvenient and I'm still not fully recovered from the impact, but, oh, the peace and quiet, the time to read books and watch films, to daydream, that part was blissful.

:)
I'd rather not have to have the OP, but I'm looking forward to being fixed, and to the down time.

I'm sorry about your accident. :( That sounds awful.

Ah, thanks. It uncovered some underlying problems which I hope will be fixed soon by an op so it was a blessing in disguise. I think I am going to join you and look after myself better too. Good luck with the surgery.

Thanks and you too!

Thanks, chicken. Am on phone and it's super slow, but yes, personality friendly work would mean we would be spending much less time recuperating from the day., I like that you've set a reasonable time frame, I might see if I can do something similar. Good luck to us! And jacks , I too can sympathise. I recently had a medical issue that had me home for three weeks. Although the reason for it was awful I was also so grateful for the peace!

I was on one of the original threads, but am a bit flakey so feel off it.

I am totally an introvert, and so is DH. When he comes home from work at the end of the day he always needs time on his own to recharge and when he moved into his current job (in a very fast paced, social, noisy environment) it took him weeks to get used to it and calm down.

I have a challenge coming up next year as I'm up for promotion, and have been given a number of objectives which involve raising my profile (read: more meetings, going out and seeing more people and worst of all - PHONING people) which I'm dreading and will be a massive challenge. Ugh.

I've snuck out to work from home. Does anyone else work in an open plan office?

Hi Absy, how did your OH learn to manage his new working environment? Are you thinking about whether to take your promotion or have you decided?

i enjoyed christmas
we moved house into a new build on the 20th so interesting
so have christmas and new house to get used to
my mum had girls 4 AND 7 while we moved in and cat was in cattery
girls back xmas eve morning and got cat back yesterday
went to my mums xmas morning till 27th now back in new house chillaxing find it stressful with girls off for so long not back till 7th and 8th of jan!!
they have been bickering
really want to clean house difficult with them

I know what you mean Snowflake.
My family ( 3 DSs, 23,20 and18. Plus DH) are all off work/home from uni. My nice calm home is no more. I can't wait for them all to get back to normal so that I can clean and get rid of all the Xmas crap in peace.
I love having them home (particularly the one who is away at uni) but I would love just one day of respite.

They resume work on the 2nd and go back to uni on the 6th. No doubt I will want him home again once he's gone.

Hello everyone, I was thinking of you all over Christmas.

Yesterday we returned to our own home (after several days at my parent's house) and it was an oasis of calm. My DH and I visibly relaxed as soon as we got into the car and were on our way home.

No more blaring tv; no more lack of privacy due to glass doors throughout their house; no more DF walking into the bathroom (repeatedly) when the occupant has forgotten to put the fiddly chain on the frosted glass door etc. It is so tricky living in someone else's house even if only for a few days.

My lovely DH has taken the DC down and let me quietly read / MN in bed as he keeps them amused, I feel recharged and refreshed. The favour will be reciprocated later on too.

Aaargh! Frosted glass doors!
Almost as bad as open plan (have never been able to see the point of that...I like little private nooks and hidey holes

I will never understand why people have glass on doors upstairs. Downstairs, I can just about get my head around, but bedrooms and bathrooms?

Christmas in the Molehill has been lovely and quiet, it was made even better when the kids swimming lessons were cancelled because the teacher was "ill" so we had an extra day of pottering about.

I've suggested a bit of shopping but the kids faces of horror soon put paid to that, so we've been out for a few walks for some fresh air but that's been it. BOTH have declined playing out with the neighbourhood kids saying they "need space away from them" and anyone who knows me knows better than to ask me to go anywhere during the two weeks of Christmas - That's when I hide hibernate.

It's been brilliant. Come to think of it, the kids haven't even fought once, a tiny bit of bickering when one hasnt taken the cue to stop and leave alone but that's it. It's been bliss. They've even left me alone and done their own thing long enough for me to watch a film...a whole film!