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MN JURY - should she delay TTC until house is big enough?

27 replies

MrsBadger · 05/04/2006 12:08

A colleague has just asked me this and I though I'd open it to the floor:

Two years ago they bought a house and did it up for young-couple type living:

  • knocked through the two smallest bedrooms to make luxurious master bedroom
  • knocked through downstairs to make funky open-plan living/entertaining space
  • made remaining bedroom into study/home office for the DH, who works from home one day a week.

Now they're considering TTC, but are loathe to give up the well-located house they've worked so hard on.
However, they're aware that open-plan living may not be ideal with small child, and that they'll need to re-divide the master bedroom (and maybe the downstairs), so will lose the sense of space that made the house so lovely.
She's also worried that her being home with a baby would disturb the DH when he's working.

They can't extend into the loft as there's not the roof height.
They can't extend into the garden as it's tiny.
They can't afford to buy a bigger house in the area so would need to move further out of town into what she referred to as 'the suburban ghetto' - get the feeling this does not appeal.

So, should they
a) move to the ghetto
b) bankrupt themselves to get a bigger house in the same location
c) wait to TTC till they can afford a bigger house in the same location
d) stick with the current layout and hope open-plan works
or
e) adapt the current house and quit whining about losing the 'spacious feel'?

Discuss...

OP posts:
desperateSCOUSEwife · 05/04/2006 12:11

like many others
either make do or adapt to fit with lifestyle

CountessDracula · 05/04/2006 12:11

I knocked all our downstairs into one and it works fine. TBH with a baby it really doesn't make any difference. And with a toddler/young child it is nice to have the space for them to run about.

they could always

f) move to another more suitable but similarly priced house in the same area

Can't the dh work at work if it bothers him so much the noise?

TBH they should get on with it it could take them years!

frogs · 05/04/2006 12:12

First rule of happy child-rearing is to disabuse yourself of the notion that you can control everything. It is possible to overanalyse things.

If they want a child they should go ahead and have one. Plan B (and C and D if required) can be sorted out once they've done part A.

compo · 05/04/2006 12:12

I would go with d) and if it doesn't work out change to e)

serenity · 05/04/2006 12:14

They don't really sound like they want a baby tbh, more like that's what they think they should be doing.......

I'd go for d to start with and keep options a or e open, play it by ear.

wwwnotreallyhere · 05/04/2006 12:14

stick with current house, definitely, but forget about 'not disturbing' the dh, ha ha ha ha! A baby won't be affected by open plan, a toddler you can teach/limit the damage by stairgates/whatever and a child only needs a small room for ages and ages.

wwwnotreallyhere · 05/04/2006 12:15

And if you wrote down all the practical pros and cons of children it might not tell you what you want but having children isn't a logical decision, it's an emotional one imo. They should get on trying to get pregnant.

yomellamoHelly · 05/04/2006 12:21

Would wait 'til pg, then redivide bedroom before db arrives and retain open plan downstairs (nifty storage 'll sort that issue).
Would not delay ttc - you don't know how long it could take.
Would not move as loose flexibility work-wise once baby arrives - huge mortgage 'd mean she has to return to work.
3 bed worth more than 2 no matter how good the 2 are. Once db becoming a toddler reconsider moving to the sticks or upgrading and f-t work. I think you can under-estimate how your views change once db arrive and the sticks may seem more attractive.

MrsBadger · 05/04/2006 12:39

Should add that she does really seem to want a baby, but they're a bit perfectionist (should have seen what they went through buying/doing up their house...) and are really anxious to Get It Right.

Also think her DH may be slightly less keen and using this as a delaying tactic...

OP posts:
wwwnotreallyhere · 05/04/2006 12:40

They're in for a rocky ride then because being a parent isn't like that (as you know MrsB!)

cece · 05/04/2006 12:43

if they want a baby then go for it.

If they don't want one stop making excuses and don't have one.

Otherwise d and agree they might want to move to suburbs once db is here!

peachygirl · 05/04/2006 12:51

This is quite interesting as I had a similar disscussion/ row with Dh about this yesterday - details on the (april chat thread if you are feeling very nosy)
I am ready to start a family and really so is DH ( and we are TTC) but our house is small 2 beds, one curently used as an office as DH works several days from home and you also have to go through this room to get to the upstairs bathroom. our area is ok, but would like to go to a sightly better one. I am very much of the opinion that we would manage if a baby came along but I do feel Dh would really rather wait. Plus there is the issue of the mortgage in that to get a good sized one (we live in S London) we would need my full income too, which at the moment is slightly larger than Dh's .. and I would like to take a bit of time out to care for children.. don't know how this answers the initial question it's just nice to know others are out there thinking like this

GDG · 05/04/2006 12:56

Depends how much they want a baby - I'd have compromised whatever because I wanted children no matter what.

I'd just go ahead with ttc cos who knows how long that will take? Then you've got 9m of pregnancy and then it's another year or thereabouts before the child is walking and things really become an issue. Soooo much time to think about what to do re housing. The open plan element might not be such an issue with one child so might be even longer before they have to consider changes or moving.

Mountain out of molehill?

GDG · 05/04/2006 12:57

I think if you really want kids just get on with and adapt as and when you have to.

peachygirl · 05/04/2006 12:59

what good advice GDG This pretty much the way I'm thinking, but it's Dh I have to reassure.

GDG · 05/04/2006 13:06

Oh, hope it wasn't too harsh - sometimes I think you just can't plan because you don't know what the issues will be until you try it. Then once you have the baby, things don't always seem like the big issue you thought they might have been and even if they are, you are more willing to compromise things than you thought you might have been before having children.

It's like a lot of things - I always swore blind, 100% I'd return to work full time after having ds1 - even when I was pg, even when he was first born and it was only when it came to going back and I put him in nursery that I realised I couldn't do it...but some people can - you just cannot plan that way with children - if you want them, just go for it and you'll always find a way to make it work Smile

peachygirl · 05/04/2006 13:08

Thanks Smile

MadamePlatypus · 05/04/2006 13:15

Agree with frogs - you just don't have that much control over your life. They seem to be healthy and not poverty stricken, so they are in about as good a position as anybody to have a baby. Just go for it and try to handle what life throws at you would be my advice. Also, there are plenty of families of 4 living in Ikea catalogues coping with much less space. :)

Piffle · 05/04/2006 13:18

TTC, then everything else will just work itself out...

bobblehead · 05/04/2006 15:53

I think that too, but only cos I'm ttcGrin.

Used to babysit for a lady with 2 kids and small top floor flat who had loft space sort of converted- it was too low for a room but made great playroom for the kids, who kept their guinea pigs there. Adults had to walk bent over though!

MrsBadger · 05/04/2006 16:27

I think the plan had been to put the DH's office in the loft if possible, but he's 6'3"!

OP posts:
skerriesmum · 05/04/2006 16:45

Once baby arrives the guy will be back in the office full time anyway; who can work with a newborn around!

lahdeedah · 05/04/2006 16:54

Agree with GDG.

I have a DD just turned 1 and I am currently living in 2 bed first-floor flat (no garden) and we are fine. Actually I think it has been easier to deal with a first baby cos everything is on one level and fewer rooms means less cleaning!! Also our mortgage is smaller so it has made adjusting to life on one salary a bit easier.

We are going to put the flat on the market in the next few weeks and hopefully move to a three-bed house in a new area (in "the suburban ghetto" LOL). I am glad we waited, because it is only now we have a baby that we really know where we want to move to and what we will need.

Also I think the open-plan thing downstairs will actually be good with a small child - the main problem I have in our flat is that the kitchen is a small room at the other end of the flat from the main living/dining area, and I can't have DD in with me when preparing meals, so I end up parking her in her playpen in front of the TV. One of the main criteria I have for our new house is a big "family room" - kitchen/dining area - so while I am cooking I can see the kids playing (with judicious use of stairgates of course so they can't get under my feet.)

I don't know if the husband's office will be a problem - and I don't think they can know until a baby comes along - either it works or it doesn't, in which case he'll just have to work at work. I have a friend whose DH works at home quite often, and has done since their baby was newborn, and it's not a problem for them. He just puts music on and locks himself in so their little boy can't keep running in and out!

If they want a baby they should just get on with it. Smile

Katemum · 05/04/2006 17:04

d

foundintranslation · 05/04/2006 17:11

broken my mn silence for this.
crikey, some people don't know they're born (am referring to the OP's friends here). We have 10 month old ds in a 1 bed flat. Largeish living room, medium-sized bedroom, smallish kitchen, bathroom, small entrance hall, balcony - that's it. A lot of my work is from home and dh is doing a phd. Our desk (we have one between us) is in the living room. ds plays with the other while one is worling. And we manage.