advice for condolence letter

[silvers]

Hi there. Some advice wanted please.
I got some sad news today that the sister of someone I used to work with was murdered at the weekend.
I know him , but only to say hi to etc however I would like to send a letter to him to say how sorry I was when I heard the news.
I'm not sure what is appropriate to say though? I didn't know her and only vaguely know him - also because of the sensitive nature surrounding her death I am not sure how to word it.
Also, letter or card? And as it only happened at the weekend is it too soon?
Any advice, etiquette or help offered is greatly apprecaited.

A letter is always better than a card - at least you know people have taken the time. But, if you don't know him too well, perhaps a card along the lines of 'thinking about you' might be more appropriate.

Thanks fairyjay - then i was thinking of the problems of choosing a card! with what on the front? what a palarva - only want to do the right thing, not sure why I'm thinking about it so much

I agree with fairyjay - card best if you don't know him that well but DO send somthing. My Dad was killed in car accident last October, which may have been suicide, and so similar shocking, violent situation. Sudden death is a nightmare to deal with. But what really, really made a difference is the thought that so many people cared about me - people were so good and said so many nice things about me and about my Dad if they knew him. Prior to my own experience, I would have felt awkward writing what I might have considered to be "trite" stuff or a bit "cheesy" - but it really takes on another feeling when its you receiving letters/cards/comments in such circumstances. I guess when you lose someone close you are desperate to know that there are other people in the world that care for you too. And send it sooner rather than later - I must admit that after a while I took my cards down and put it all away - you need to start moving on and then I almost started resenting seeing any new ones arrive.

thanks hearts - sorry to hear about your Dad. i think with all these things the the shock - especially when a life is taken away in such a tragic manner.

it will be hard to personalise it as I didnt know her, but think it is more to do with the act of sending something.

SO sorry to read about your dad, hearts.

Agree with the card idea. As for design, when i have sent these I always go for blank inside and some plainish flowers or something on the outside. I think your thoughts are more important than the actual design.

HTH.

So sorry silvers - I remember that when my mom died I was really touched that people wrote or made some sort of effort - can honestly say that I don't remember what the card or letter looked like. it was really the thought that made the difference for me. It just reminded me of all the people whose lives she had touched somehow or somewhere and that made a huge difference for me - HTH

I think that as you didn't know here, a card would be better, and just say something along the lines. Sorry for your loss, thinking of you, and if there is anything I can do for you please let me know.

I am sure he will appreciate it.

Forgot to say, that when my mum died, I got a lot of cards from my friends who had never met her, but it still meant something, as I knew that they were thinking about me etc.

Forgot to say, that when my mum died, I got a lot of cards from my friends who had never met her, but it still meant something, as I knew that they were thinking about me etc.