Trying to conceive

[Tia]

I don't know whether there is some unwritten rule about not discussing TTC on Mumsnet, but this is absolutely my favourite discussion board,and I would far prefer to talk here, rather than on some of the other sites (unless someone has a good recommendation?) I am 37 years old with a nearly 2year old and have been trying to conceive my second for about 8 months. I have all sorts of nightmares about my eggs withering away and entering early menopause, and would love to hear of other experiences - particularly success stories. Any one else want to chat?

Tia, I'm having a bit of a mare too, I stopped taking my pill 30th Nov, and still haven't had a normal bleed. Probably way to early to panic, but I do kind of like to have something to worry about. Last time, I went instantly back to 28 day cycle. I wonder why I haven't this time? Anyone know anything about it?

Paula1 - any chance that you could already be pregnant? You could theoretically conceive during your first post-pill cycle and therefore not have a period. If not, it can take up to 3 months for ovulation to re-establish after stopping the pill so I wouldn't panic yet.

Dear Tia, I am sorry to hear of your problems. What can you do, are there any options to try and enable you to get pregnant?

Best wishes.

I know it's not the same as here but babycentre.co.uk is the trying to conceive and other baby thing place as far as I can work out.

It might not be to your taste but if you don't try you will never know. I think there are a fair few opinions and pieces of knowledge out there.

All the best

Tia, 8 months is not a long time, and definately not long enough for you to be worrying.
I wish you the very best of luck.

Tia we have been trying for the last three months with nothing yet. With ds i stopped taking the pill half way through a month a was pregnant by the end of it and was sure it would be the same this time. Though with a 15 month baby (who at the moment is being a very bad sleeper) we are not getting the same opportunities to get down to it as we did first time round. Good luck and fingers crossed.

Tia and Joe1, dont worry it is still early days for both of you.

I suffered from secondary infertility (never even knew it existed before I had it) but learnt alot from it. For example did you know we dont even ovulate every month.

If you are desparately worried, you could buy an ovulation tester kit.

I'd say go with the flow, Drs dont investigate until about 16-18 months. They'll say it just takes time.

Hi Tia, Joe1, Paula1, not a success story yet I'm afraid but a commiseration. I'm 38 and have been trying for a second child for six months. Just to say you are not alone in allowing your imaginations to run riot about whether you will ever get pregnant again. My new year's resolution is some much-needed weight loss and exercise after reading Wendym's informative comments about PCOS and weight on another thread. I'm actually scared to go the GPs as I know they will say you must lose weight, so its 2 stone off before I set foot in the place.
All my NCT group who wanted another baby have produced them over the past three months and while you are very glad for them, it's hard to keep smiling and parcelling up those tiny gifts sometimes isn't it.

Thanks for all the sympathy - know exactly how you feel about the rest of your NCT group showing off their bumps! Paula1, it took me ages too to have my first period after coming off the pill, I was convinced I was pregnant (it happened first time with no1) and I was doing tests every second day until I got my period. I have been testing for ovulation with an OPC for the last 6 months - all the signs are good, but despite dh's best efforts, nothing! My periods are irregular too, whereas they used to be like clockwork. Needless to say, the GP is not interested, despite the national fertility guidelines advising that women over 36 should be investigated after 6 months of trying. I will try babycentre too, thanks for the tip.

Tia, how long is ages? Months or days? Because it happened so easily with me last time, I thought I was timing this one down to a tee so that I could pack up work in time for ds to start school in September!! All my friends have had their second too, and every single one of them has managed to have a nice even 'one of each', they have already been nagging me for 2 years to have my second.

Cheers everyone, I feel a bit better now. Its funny about the everyone else is pregnant bit. We have just found out about some people we know and a relative, all expecting and all by accident. Nobody knows we are trying so expect someone will throw the comment jut because they are we did.

No advice, just commiserations! It took me yonks to conceive ds, I remember how it feels, time moves so slowly and GPs are so dismissive. Try to relax ( I know it's easier said than done ), the worry and stress can't help. I read somewhere that it takes 9 months on average to conceive.
Marina - good luck with the diet, I'm now quite convinced that controlling my insulin levels by diet enabled me to conceive.

Hi everyone, can I commisserate with you all too. We've been trying for no 2 since end Aug. I never even bothered going back on the pill after ds was born in March 2000 as it took me 2 years to fall with him - I ended up having a lap and dye and whaddya know, next month - bingo! So I didn't want to 'mess' up my system and we were just 'careful' (most of the time we were both too knackered for anything anyway).
I think we have only been half-heartedly trying up to now, and coming up to 35 this month need to put a bit more effort in, so will get some ovulation kits, even though I'm pretty sure when my fertile days are (BTW, are you all aware that ovulation occurs 14 days BEFORE your next period, not 14 days AFTER your period starts?)

Tia - really know how you feel, but as someone else said, just try to relax and stop 'trying' (if you know what I mean!). I got pregnant with ds (now just 2) almost immediately so assumed the same thing would happen 2nd time around. I 'decided' (! ha!) that I'd like no.2 in April 2002 so had planned last year to start trying in June. However things were really screwed up in May by the fact I suddenly had some unexplained gynae problems which left me very aneamic and being investigated for fibroids/ early menopause (I'm only 35!) etc. I was devastated as I thought that I might end up never having another child. Anyway the good news is that after being given the 'all clear' (they never did find anything) I ended up conceiving in October, so am now 13 weeks pg!
I'm very sensitive to the comments here about other friends all seeming to be sporting their 'bumps' - I felt like that myself for a while. We are going to have to start telling people soon. Is there any easy way to break the news do you think? I've only told one ('trying for a 2nd' ) friend so far, as we are going on holiday with them soon, and I felt I'd have to explain (no alcohol, morning grogginess etc) but I have to confess being a little hurt when all she said was 'oh!' but not even congratulations. It's very difficult for both parties really.
Sorry - I hope I haven't upset everyone still trying - I guess I was trying to say that these things never seem to happen as planned!
Incidently, I know it's had a lot of bad press recently on the contraceptive front, but I still attribute the fact that i've used Persona as a key factor in my pgs, as it tells me exactly when I'm ovulating.

Good luck all!

Hi, I remember another thread which dicussed all sorts of ways to tell if you were ovulationg - I seem to remember a lot of people discussing persona so perhaps if you search for that....

I've also heard all sorts of things about men's diet too - make sure your other half is eating well or invest in vitamin & mineral supps for him too. (Also don't let him in the sauna at the gym if he has the energy to go that is as sperm don't like to be hot)

I have to say I got pregnant with ds after stopping trying (typical) and haven't tried for no 2 yet so I'll watch this space with interest.

Motherofone, well done, v. pleased for you - and pleased to hear you used the Persona for that purpose as I dusted mine off a few weeks ago, and have kept my fingers crossed and my legs uncrossed ever since. It did work for us last time.
I fully take your point about it not being easy for anyone re telling people when you've been successful. My oldest friend, who has been trying for no 2 for longer than me, is on the waiting list now for egg donation. If we do succeed before she gets to the top of the list, that's one phone call I am dreading making. But how could I not tell her...
I'm sure your friends are glad for you, truly. Stay well!

I know I have banged on about nutrition a couple of times on this site - but here I really feel it can be sooooooo important. I know a number of people who were having trouble conceving who got pregnant after seeing a nutritionist. Not only that, but even if there are no infertility problems per se, will bring to to optimum health for pre-conceptual care and pregnancy etc. So it doesn't need to be a last resort - it is worth anyone who is trying to get pregnant to think about it.

There are a number of nutrients in the body that are absolutely essential for conception - and a huge number of both men and women are deficient. For example zinc is vital for sperm formation and health.

There is a pre-conceptual care/ infertility charity called Foresight who have loads of information on this, and also have contact numbers for nutritionists all over the country. Not sure of their exact website, but a search engine will find it for you.

not sure if you have tried the (very expensive) ovulation kits - basiclly sticks you wee on to tell you the best time of month to conceive. Worked for me three times (turned to them after 2 miscarriages) but ironically after I miscarried a third time after daughter was born
I got pregnant the next month 'without trying'. Believe me I know how hard it is but it is best to relax and try not to think about it. By the way, expecting number 2 any day, due on my 40th so at 37 you have time for several more!

Coincedentally when i did finally conceive it was after I had joined Weightwatchers, and was eating really good healthy food, (no ready meals and take aways etc!) and eating loads more fish.

I think the change, the getting fit and healthy outlook really did help.

MotherofOne, however hard it is to tell others who are still trying for a baby, think how much worse for them if they lose a friend because you avoid them! Friends of ours were trying for baby no. 2 when I fell unexpectedly and unwantedly pregnant with my first - hard to tell them when they wanted a baby so much and I didn't. Even harder when I fell pregnant with no. 2 bang on schedule and they were still trying. However, although I know she went away and cried over it, we are still very good friends (we go on holiday together).

Azzie, have they had their second baby now? I know what that feels like: sil and everyone else (so it seemed) were already getting pregnant with no 2 when I was trying so hard for my first. It was so painful going into places like Mothercare, surrounded by pregnant women, buying new baby gifts, I would come out in tears, but I never let it show to them and would never let it spoil our friendship.

Sorry to add another sad story to the previous messages, but when I saw the topic of this discussion I could not resist.

My first and only son is now almost 4 years old and we have been trying to conceive for the last year and a half.

I was so relaxed about number two because I got pregnant with no.1 after only one month of trying.
Well, in the last year and a half I have had two miscarriages and the last one has been particularly devastating, both from a physical and a psychological point of view.

I am almost 37 years old and I too feel that time is running out for me. I have tried everything (Persona, ovulation kits, homeopathy, acupuncture, chinese medicine). We went to a nutritionist who has also written a book about "Natural solutions to infertility", Marian Glenville. That was last April, after the second miscarriage. We took the really expensive supplements that she recommended for months, to no avail. I have had some tests done at the hospital, but no cause to the miscarriages has been found.

So far it has been impossible for me to relax about this issue. I have been literally obsessing about it for the last year, getting more and more depressed each month. My health has also been very bad in the last year, with recurrent bouts of cystitis (I had never suffered before).

I am sure it is all linked and probably lots of it is all in the mind.

To end with a positive note, I now have a new job (from mid-January). Up until a couple of months ago I was not even job hunting because I was determined to have another maternity leave at the place where I was working. Now I don't feel that I can get pregnant in the first year that I have started my new job. So we have decided to stop trying for a little while, maybe for the next six months. I feel that the new job and the need to stop trying has been the best thing that has happened to me in the last months.

Please, I would really like to read some success stories. Go on, give us hope!

Sorry to add another sad story to the previous messages, but when I saw the topic of this discussion I could not resist.

My first and only son is now almost 4 years old and we have been trying to conceive for the last year and a half.

I was so relaxed about number two because I got pregnant with no.1 after only one month of trying.
Well, in the last year and a half I have had two miscarriages and the last one has been particularly devastating, both from a physical and a psychological point of view.

I am almost 37 years old and I too feel that time is running out for me. I have tried everything (Persona, ovulation kits, homeopathy, acupuncture, chinese medicine). We went to a nutritionist who has also written a book about "Natural solutions to infertility", Marian Glenville. That was last April, after the second miscarriage. We took the really expensive supplements that she recommended for months, to no avail. I have had some tests done at the hospital, but no cause to the miscarriages has been found.

So far it has been impossible for me to relax about this issue. I have been literally obsessing about it for the last year, getting more and more depressed each month. My health has also been very bad in the last year, with recurrent bouts of cystitis (I had never suffered before).

I am sure it is all linked and probably lots of it is all in the mind.

To end with a positive note, I now have a new job (from mid-January). Up until a couple of months ago I was not even job hunting because I was determined to have another maternity leave at the place where I was working. Now I don't feel that I can get pregnant in the first year that I have started my new job. So we have decided to stop trying for a little while, maybe for the next six months. I feel that the new job and the need to stop trying has been the best thing that has happened to me in the last months.

Please, I would really like to read some success stories. Go on, give us hope!

Chiba, sorry to hear your story. It never goes away does it, month after month.

I just couldnt understand why it wasnt happening, especially after having had one baby.

I had lots of test, and no one could see why, so then I got all the 'it will happen in time', 'it will happen when you stop worrying about it' (!?) 'what will be will be'.

I did have to keep telling myself that things in life happen for a reason, when my other 3 best NCT friends were having their second babies all at the same time, and all those other times.

I as forever having the 21 day blood test, and I was ovulating, I had the 'morning-after' smear test. Then as a final last resort in a December I had a hysteroscopy and laparoscopy. I'd decided to be completely checked over (I worried in case a tube was blocked or that something wasnt right in there after birth 1). Then I thought we could start the new year afresh. (good for you getting the job, good idea).

It all came back clear, hubby and I went on holiday, a stress that was in my life disappeared, I got fit and joined WW and in the March I was pregnant!

Maybe the timing was right, maybe that is what was meant to be. We definitely wont be going through it all again to have a 3rd!

So dont give up, make sure your life is full of other things, and enjoy doing things with your other child that you really couldnt do if you were very pregnant or had a small baby in tow. We had so many great adventures and experiences, that I know we wouldnt have had if I'd have had my baby 2 then.

This isn't about a 2nd baby but about trying for our only child so might not be relevant to people trying for no 2but here goes anyway.
After coming off the pill, I didn't have a period for 13 months.I desperately wanted a baby but of course nothing was happening.GP sent me for a scan to check I didn't have pcos, did blood tests etc and couldn't find anything.Then my periods kicked in in the October..regular as clockwork but still nothing.Poor Dh was being summoned home from work at lunchtime when I was ovulating,made to take zinc supplements,not allowed to drink etc.I was being so healthy too and taking folic acid etc.Then in the following May we were going to a wedding in a distant part of the country and staying in a nice hotel etc, so we decided to stop trying.The folic acid was left at home and we got absolutely rotten drunk.The rest of the month was the same...just so much more relaxed.and guess what? Yep.. I was pregnant that month!!! I firmly believe that relaxing was the answer.Its easier said than done but if you can forget about it for a while it does help.