a question for you all??

[betrayedandupset]

If your dp/dh was accused of stealing from the till in work and it was proved or he admitted it would you stand by him or tell him to get lost??

If you love him, find out why he did it

Money troubles obviously, so work it out and then try to stand by him

depends how much he nicked

seriously, wouldnt imagine you could generalise as a lot would depend upon it. If for instance he nicked several hundred to spend on hookers or gambling/drink then definitely kick him out, if he took some money to pay for emergency work or operation or similar then explore why he did it without discussing the problem.

agree with the others, warrants further discussion.

I think it would depend if that was the main problem in the relationship, or if there were other issues, and of course the reason for stealing the money.

It depends entirely on circs

Depends on the reason/reasons

B&U - My dh has betrayed me during the last year so I know how it feels. For me it would depend how much he stole, the reasons why and whether or not you truly love him.

Is this incident a one off or has he stolen before?

Well go and find out the reasons then

sorry its took a while to get back, been talking to dp.
We do have money worries and he took about hundred pounds. no excuses i know

He is very down and depressed anyway and can't explain fully why he did it.

whats worse he only works round the corner and now everyone will know

he hasn't done it before (i don't think anyway)

shit shit shit i can't believe this.. it feels like a bad dram

anybody there

poor you.. if he's feeling down he won't be thinking rationally.. maybe a cry for help???

How did you find out about it? Did he confess to you or did you find out through his work?

Dh has been accused of stealing much much more from work. I do not believe he did it so circumstances are slightly different but I can feel for you. When we first found out i was in shock and did not know what to believe. BUT i love him and we have 2 fantastic kids together. Your heart will tell you what you want. Listen to it. If you want to talk more cat me.

Feel free to cat me too if you like B&U - I found out only two weeks ago that DH is betraying me AGAIN. And yet I still love him (weird i know) because I think the stuff he does is because of his depression. He refuses to accept he is depressed or slightly loopy though!

Hope you sort this problem out soon

Poor you. I must admit I'd stand by him, if I loved him.

I've ben there.

My XP stole huge amounts of money because of a gambling addiction. I stood by him for a long time, but in the end i had to put myself and DD first and get him to move out.

I think what you should do though, depends very much on the circumstances.

Thanks for your replies, they have given me a lot of comfort.

He did eventually admit to me that he'd done but not at firstHe's been suspended on full pay but he's been caught on cctv so he will have the sack for sure. I think it was a cry for help, he's very depressed over certain things that he will need help for i think.

i will cat you both busybusybe and puddytats although I probably won't be able to reply much tonight, i'm exhausted and very drained and very very sick at heart.

aimsmum how long did you put up with your exp behaviour for?

lot of it about but im with aimmsmum,circumstances can be so different

My dh is a gambler,we have now divorced

I've got to wait until my £5 cat subscription has been accepted by mumsnet before I can cat you both!

After a lot of talk last night and tears he willingly agreed to go to the doctors this morning. His gp was fantastic and has made an immediate referral to the hospitals psychiatric department. He has got a lot of unresolved and deepseated issues that I can't go into on a public forum but the stealing thing is part of the severe depression he thinks he might be suffering from.

Still feel very down myself though

busybusybee just CAT you.

puddytats just tried to do the same and it's come as 'can't find your username?'

I'll try again later

Sorry, i missed your question last night!

I probably put up with my XP's problem for too long in hindsight, about 2 yrs, but I didn't always realise how bad it was. He did have a very, very bad addiction though.

It sounds like your DP has a really good dr and i hope he gets some help.

If there is anything i can do, or if you need to chat, just let me know as I know what a horrible feeling it is.