Homework Hell

[SorenLorensen]

Ds1 is in Year 4. Homework is becoming an epic struggle and I am at a loss as to how to deal with it. He's bright and perfectly able, but he makes such a fuss about doing it. I don't mean he refuses to do it - but we have lots of deep sighs and faffing about before he'll start. Tonight he had a long multiplication sheet to do and we had sobbing and "I can't do it" and "it's too hard!" And it was hard but he could do it - and did, but not before I had nearly throttled him out of sheer frustration.

I have tried

a) sympathetic encouragement (I'm not very good at this - I grit my teeth a lot)
b) well, do it or don't do it - not my problem, you can explain to Mrs J
c) I have had enough! ranting...and then back to...
d) sympathetic encouragement again

It doesn't matter what the homework is - it can be literacy, which he doesn't struggle with at all - getting him to actually put pen to paper is like getting blood out of a stone.

Btw, he is a model pupil in school - it's just me that cops the tears and tantrums.

Any ideas on the best way to tackle this? I dread the day when he gets to secondary school and finds out how hard homework can really be...

offer him marbles.

one for no fuss, one for neatness etcx...

worked for my ds

Is he a second child? Because you could be describing DS2! We have this every time he has homework (he's in Y5). His teacher tells me that he is very quiet and studious in class and, when I described to her the performance we have at home wrt homework, she was very surprised.

I have concluded that it is his way of ensuring he gets individual attention. My way of dealing with it is to sympathise with his feelings but just let him get on with it. He has a habit of shouting at me demanding help and I usually just ignore this. The other day he was in the midst of a general shouty rant demanding help, which I was ignoring. Eventually he calmed down a bit and said "please". Then, just as I was asking what help he needed, he turned to me and shouted "Oh, it doesn't matter now. I've worked it out!" and stormed out of the room - at which point dh and I collapsed laughing.

I think you just have to accept that this is how he is. Keeping calm and responding quietly when needed is the best course of action. I'm hoping that matters will improve before we get to secondary school [desperate emoticon].

That's my boy, Freckle! He's first-born though.

Beety, I'm doing the blimmin' marbles (well, I'm using pasta - haven't found any marbles). Good idea, I'll offer up front for fuss-free homework.

I have resorted at times to offering extra pocket money for fuss-free homework. My lot are quite mercenary, so it does work. Not something I want to be doing all the time though.

This is exactly how my son was in year 4, SorenL. Weirdly enough, homeworkwise, year 4 has been the toughest year so far.

Ds is now in year 7 at a grammar school with a reputation for piling on the homework. He has less now than he did at primary school! In fact this morning I have just written a note to his teacher querying his unusually light homework load over the past two weeks. He has had just one or two bits since monday and none at all last weekend.

Anyway, back to year 4. He had a teacher who was fond of giving projects as homework or long essays. Getting him to do enough at home and use his initiative was a total nightmare. When he went into year 5, he had a new teacher and the homework demands were easier. But then he had extra work part of his 11+ coaching outside school.

I don't know how it's happened (as goodness knows, my son is not naturally diligent at school or at home) but he does homework now with hardly any fuss. BUT I think what he's now doing is just the minimum - that's why he doesn't want to draw too much attention to himself or have me reading things over his shoulder. It has become a private affair, done when I am not around to check. Don't know if this is better or worse than the screams for attention. Life's easier for me, but am waiting to find out from his teacher if ds is really fulfilling his homework commitment properly.

My son did say that one of the problems he had with homework when he was younger was that it apparently physically hurt him to write a lot. (even the few paragraphs that was a typical amount required) but he does maintian that he this was a reason for his reluctance.

I used to get to angry with him and my favourite ultimatum was to say (or shout) 'NOTHING happens till you have finished - no TV, no supper, no going out'. This helped even if it was not met with immediate obedience. I also used to give him warnings and reminders - discusing with him in advance when would be the best time for him to do his homework at weekends or in the evening, agreeing on a timetable in advance and arranging other things round it. I still do the agreeing in advance and reminding thing with him as that helps him and me to organise ourselves.

Thanks for that, tigermoth - gives me hope that he will improve. He always does his homework but it's such a battle and I feel wrung out by the end of it. Year 4 has been the hardest for us so far too. I'm going to start giving him a kitchen timer again, that's helped in the pat - seems to clarify his thoughts if he's working to a deadline and I'm going to try offering bribes (in the shape of pasta ) up front for fuss-free homework.

Thanks all.

helped in the past

My dd is like this, we have had many ruined weekends over it.
Shes so capable put acts as if shes thick as S*.
If it requires the slightest bit of brain activity on her part it can be a 2 hour nightmare :(
Might offer stickers for neatness, etc.

Dd1 is exactly like this, mainly with Maths homework.

She doesn't get much homework infact i think she should get more because next year she will be in for a shock. She is in yr3 and at the mo only gets a maths sheet every now and again. She is so used to not having any now that when she gets some all hell breaks loose.

Dd automatically assumes she cannot do it. She reads the question and then without fail she'll say 'i can't do it, it's too hard'.

I usually help her answer the first one just so I know she can actually do it and she can do it, she is in the top set so I don't know what the problem is.

I have resorted to saying fine don't do it, but you'll have to tell the teacher why it hasn't been done.

My dd is also like this. Shes in Y6 and bright, finds maths harder than literacy and maths homework often ends up with tears and me getting impatient. Yet all her teachers have said she is able and doenst get worked up about it at school.

I can sort of remember the same feeling about maths though. Just a kind of panic that it is inpenetrable, although I did perfectly well at it too.

I'm a bit worried how she will get on with it at sec school.

I'm not at this stage yet, but my thought was that I might try setting some kind of timer for a period of time to cover both the homework and some fun time when the homework is completed - e.g. computer game or tv, or whatever. That way there is an incentive to get the homework done in good time so as not to lose precious fun time.

As I type that, I realise it may be a recipe for disaster, or at least slapdash homework...

See, I said I was inexperienced.