So the PIL came to the town where we live yesterday, but didn't even bother to pop in. (yes another MIL rant.. sorry)

[mumatuks]

I don't know where to start.. I'm angry and a bit upset (offended!)
Anyhow, as the PIL's wanted to go to B&Q, they came to the one in our town as it is one of the super mega ones. We knew nothing of it until we rang them last night and they mentioned it. As MIL was on speaker phone I heard MIL say she'd been down here. (only 20 mins from their house) I called out "did you call us to see if we were in?" but I was ignored. Afterward I asked DH why and he said he hadn't thought to ask. If it had been up to me he would've rung back, but he hates confrontation and won't.
Is it just me or would you have thought they'd have at least rung and asked if we were in, so they could pop in for a cup of tea etc.
I know it's not exactly riveting stuff but I don't have one to rant it out to. I also know that many of you are in the same situation as to not getting along with your inlaws, esp MIL.
Thanks for reading. x

depends if they had any spare time - if they just had time to do B&Q then I would not have been offended if they didn't call to see if we were in.

Is there a history of not getting on with your PIL?

Just asking because my MIL came down to a shop near me about a month ago, but didn't call in / ring to see if we were in. She mentioned it when she phoned later in the week, but she was pressed for time and had to get back home (about an hour's drive away from here).

TBH, it didn't bother me - I get on really well with my MIL, and wouldn't take it as a slight at all.

They'd have been welcome! I don't bite or smell or anything else bad!
Glad I'm not the only one Fio.
I must admit though it's got me quite steamed. I think I'm going to get DH to ring them tonight and ask them why. Even if they don't want to see me, its the boys, their grandsons they could've seen for an hour or two!

Throcken - that thought crossed my mind about time. But they are both retired and seriously do nothing. They think it's exciting and different to come to our house on a Sunday. They live in Essex and the furthest they have ever been is Kent, which apprently used to take them 4 hours to get to as they won't use Motorways.

JTS - They are very kind, If we asked them for money today we would have it by tomorrow. They buy oodles of crap. I think we get along ok. We've had a couple of hiccups, but they have been sorted out and never mentioned again.

Maybe they thought they would be imposing? I'm still sure they could've rung though to ask if they could just pop in for 30mins?? Maybe it's me. I'm used to friendly folk!

I bet they did think they'd be imposing - if they like coming round when invited, I'm sure it's not a slight.

Is a bit bonkers though - couldn't they have called beforehand to see if you would be in?

prob worth letting them know you don't mind them popping in if nearby.

Mumatuks... to make you feel better, I live in Switzerland, MY mother in the UK. She flew to Zurich (where I live) and took a train to the mountains for skiing. I asked her if she would like to spend a night with us on her way home, she said 'No, I don't want to lose out on any skiing'! She hasn't visited us for over a year now and only wants to come if she can go skiing or swimming in the lake (no mention wanting to see us, her grandson or our new house)!

Maybe they didn't have time to visit you on this occassion. I wouldn't be offended especially if you generally have a good relationship with them.

I think I'm too thin skinned. I 've come to the conclusion they just don't think to do it.
I find it hard as my family would be in all the time if they could be, but they are very far away and i'm terribly homesick! (can you be homesick for 5 yrs? and when you're in the same country?) I think it's resentment as they have the chance to see their Grandsons grow up, my parents don't, and yet they waste their chance IYSWIM!

Anyway, thanks all. I'm just going to put it down to it being "one of those things"
BTW I went to Switzerland once, stayed with friends somewhere called Gummligen (SP?) It was very nice.

I think it is a habit thing - if you are used to calling on the off cahnce then you will, if you aren't you will probably not - assuming the person on question is busy and it would be imposing on them.

Why not just mention to them that they are welcome to give you a ring and call in if they are in the area.

And retired people may appear to do nothing all day - but they probably have their day mapped out and have a good reason (to them) to get home again - even if it is something seemingly trivial to you

or maybe the excitement of a trip to B&Q is tiring enough - dealing with boisterous excited grandchildren on top may have been too daunting (I'm sure my ILs and mum feel that sometimes)

mumatuks that is
how rude and ignorant

mumatuks it is absolutely not worth a confrontation and not worth being offended about.

If they live only 20 minutes from you and they see you all regularly, I personally wouldn't have expected then to drop in when on a shopping trip. If they lived hours away and rarely see you then that's a different matter. (But I probably am the sort of person who wouldn't want relatives popping in unannounced.)

I am always a bit sad when I hear a friend from back home has been in London for a weekend and they haven't contacted me (I don't live in London but can get in very easily) but then when I go home for a visit (another country) I have to admit I don't always have time to catch up with everyone either.

Perhaps "Murder she wrote" or "Diagnosis Murder" or "columbo" was on at a certain time and they wanted to get home for it? This is sooo my granny!! lol

Or, maybe they did call and you weren't in? My Mother would do this a lot, and then be offended if I wasn't in, even though I didn't know she was calling in the first place!