Unwanted/inconvenient visitors

[TwoToTango]

I hope this doesn't make me sound too mean, but my son who is 4 1/2 has made friends with an 8 year old boy at his school. the boy is nice and friendly but keeps turning up at our house having asked my son if it would be OK. I don't know his mother and feel that she should check whether or not it is OK for him to come round especially on a school night, as a couple of times he has turned up as just as we have been going out. I worry that if anything happened she would think he is at my house, I suppose I feel a bit responsible. Anyones opinions/experiences/suggestions would be welcome. I don't want to make an awkward situation as they have to work together at school sometimes.

Where we live there's loads of kids, all coming & going to each other's houses. We basically have a policy that the child checks with their own mother & ther friend's mother (or, rarely dad of course)

I alwasy make them check at home, so they know where they are & have no qualms, saying sorry they can't come if I'm cleaning/not in the mood/ about to go out.

Maybe you could do that too, or just give the mum a ring & let her know he's at your's & is she ok with that, & also arrange times when your ds goes to his!
Doesn't have to be a prob surely, unless you don't like the kid/family, then that's something else altogether. Maybe this is also a chance to get to know her?
Seems like a big age gap at this age!

If you are going out then on the times when he turns up just before take him back to his house and tell the mother that X just turned up, you didn't know he was coming but unfortunatley you are going out and that you would love him to come on X day at X time when you will be more available. You could also ake a point of souble checking she has your number so that he can save himself a trip and check that you are in before he sets off.

You have to tell your ds that he cannot say it is ok for this boy to come over. When this boys asks if he can come he needs to say he has to ask you first. I don't think that 4½ is too young to grasp this.
If the boy continues to come uninvited then I think you should tell him it isn't possible for him to come in otherwise it could carry on like this forever (well, not ^forever but ykwim!).
Invite him over on your terms. Can you find out who his mum is at the school?

I did think it was a bit of a big age gap. I was quite suprised that my ds had any toys that the older lad was interested in!

I have looked out for his mother/father but he walks to and from school on his own. I have seen the house he goes into so i may just pop round and have a quick word.