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Original poster

Found what i think is a suicide note.

19 replies

astounded · 17/03/2006 14:28

I was just looking for something through the family documents etc and found an envelope I couldn't remember seeing,looked inside and found what i think is a suicide note from mum.

It was over 25+ years ago when it was written, and though she is now dead she did die of pneumonia.

the opening lines are:

Dear

I don't know if this will work but I hope to god it does...........................

I'm sat here quite shocked.

OP posts:
donnie · 17/03/2006 14:29

what else does it say? I ask becuase that line in itself is no indication of anything in particular? do you have reasons to think maybe she was suicidal?

pooka · 17/03/2006 14:30

Oh poor you, astounded. I bet you are. :(
Had you been born when the note was written - have you been able to work out with the dating whether it can be tied with a particular time in your mum's life (PND?).
What a sad thing to come across. I wonder why it was kept.

Pruni · 17/03/2006 14:31

My goodness. Sorry about the shock.

So you're not assuming this note and her death are related? I ask because a friend of mine's father got ill and let himself die rather than be cared for so it looked like bad luck (he was young) when in fact he just took an opportunity opened to him.

Pruni · 17/03/2006 14:32

Sorry just reread your post - i am dumb.
Are you absolutely sure it's her writing?

Original poster
Astounded · 17/03/2006 14:38

I've just had another look and mums old address is on there and i don't know the dates, but i know my sister and i never lived there so it is more like over 40 years old. Ir mentioned her mum so it was way before i was born.

Donnie, makes it sound like it is because it also says, straight after the 1st sentence 'it's more for your sake than anyone'. 'I'm weary of not being the wife and mother i should', 'no doubt someone will soon fill my place',

OP posts:
Original poster
Astounded · 17/03/2006 14:38

Yes pruni it is mums writing, she had a very very unique style of writing and she also signed her name at the end.

OP posts:
Chloe55 · 17/03/2006 14:43

Gosh it must be a shock to find that, however, she has written it before you were born, maybe her situation changed and having a family changed her life for the better and she felt fulfilled and much happier. I know it must be sad to read that at one time your mum was so unhappy but you have to take comfort in the fact that something must have happened to alter her way of thinking.

Marina · 17/03/2006 14:45

What an absolutely awful shock astounded. Is there a relative who is still alive (maybe not your dad) who might be able to tell you about what was happening then?

Pruni · 17/03/2006 14:45

Sorry astounded, just wondered what with the shock of seeing it and all...
My mum attempted suicide at one point and got over it to have a reasonably happy life (I think she'd say) so maybe it really is a chapter of history and a sad one.

Aero · 17/03/2006 14:46

You poor thing. I found my sister's note after she took and overdose lastsummer and it was very, very upsetting. Thankfully her attempt to end her life failed and atm she is recovering and doing ok.
From what I gather your Mum may have written this before you were even born, so clearly she managed to carry on with her life until she died of natural causes Sad, and it wasn't depression which took her life. I hope you can take some comfort from that. You have my sympathy though - to read that someone you love is/was so sad is very distressing.

meggmoo · 17/03/2006 14:52

Gosh astounded really [shocked] for you too. Nothing to add that hasn't been said by anyone else already. I wonder why it was kept though, perhaps as a reminder of how much her life changed?

Original poster
Astounded · 17/03/2006 15:00

I don't know why it was kept and will never know. I am estranged from my siblings and none of them ever had a good word to say about her to be honest, so even if I could I wouldn't ask them.

OP posts:
meggmoo · 17/03/2006 15:17

Is there nobody else you could ask?

Original poster
Astounded · 17/03/2006 15:22

I don't know who there is who i could ask.

OP posts:
joelalie · 17/03/2006 15:48

Oh that is So sad. Awful that she felt so unhappy at one point...and that she's not here to ask. Don't know what I can say. So sorry Sad

Aero · 17/03/2006 15:55

I have kept a copy of the note my sis left - I don't really know why tbh - I guess it just reminds me of how desperate she was feeling at the time it was written but also to help me look out for signs of those feelings possibly re-occuring in the future so I can hopefully be more aware of them.

Orlando · 17/03/2006 16:08

Can totally understand your shock, Astounded.

A similarish thing happened to me when I discovered some documents that I knew nothing about (relating to some births/deaths) It all happened before I was born but the absurdly upsetting thing about it was that I felt absolutely as if it had just happened. It totally altered the way I felt about everything, and undermined my confidence in things I thought were familiar.

Hope you can make sense of this in your own mind. The mother you remember and knew isn't altered by what you have just discovered.

alsosad · 17/03/2006 19:16

So sorry Astounded. I had a similar experience a few years ago where I found an old diary of my mum's which included details of a baby she had and gave up for adoption before meeting my dad Sad.

drosophila · 17/03/2006 19:27

Astounded were you aware that she was unhappy?

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