My Life is going to shit, please help.

[Janos]

I don't know where to start, but everything seems to be going wrong at the moment.

Financially, things are terrible, as I've had to sign a Protected Trust Deed but I'm actually seeing this as a way out of the mire I'm in. Solictors Letters and CCJs are piling up as we speak.

I'm a single mum, and my Ex is being an arse about access. He won't agree to a more formal arrangement so that I can plan ahead and at least have something resembling a social life.

Finally, work are basically on the verge of giving me the boot, basically saying my work is not up to standard and I am upsetting people in the office with my attitude.

I do not know what the hell I'm going to do. I've got no family nearby and no friends in a similar situation - all happily coupled up with children.

Can anyone offer any words of comfort or advice? Please? This is only the tip of the iceberg.

Ohh janos, it is all happening at once isn't it?
really does sound like you are going through a tough time. sympathy and hugs ((()))
Can you confide a bit in anybody at work to try to keep them off your back and get an ally if things get more problematic there? What's the reason for the problems at work - is it just the stress from everything else?

I don't understand what a protected trust deed is or what it does, but if you have mega debt problems there are some organisations that can help. Citizens advice bureau are very helpful. have you seen the posts under 'legal/money' issues on MN?

you could take your ex to court over access or try to make him take part in mediation about it.

but where do you think is the best place to start with trying to get things sorted out? if your home is under threat for debt problems, I would say start with that and get your security.

Good luck with everything. I have to go now but hopefully someone else will be along soon. You are not alone, and even friends coupled up might be able to help out - can someone's partner b/s both children while you go out with a friend just to relax for a bit?

Hi Janos, dont know much re the legalities etc as I live in Ireland, just wanted to send you some virtual support [[hugs]]

poor janos, i was up to my eyes in debt for the last year or so too but nowhere near as bad as you i think.

you can come out the other side sweetie, don't let it panic you too much or you won't be able to think straight. sit down and be completely ruthless when making out a budget that allows you to put as much money as possible towards debts each month, then call a debt consolodation agency and arrange a deal with them to sort your debts using the majority of this money, but remember to keep some back for new bills and expences. be tough, a few years of frugal living are worth it to come out the other side.

as for work, why not beat them to it and find yourself another job? if your still employed by them the new company can't ring them for a referance and find out you've been in trouble there, you're obviously not happy there so leave.

good luck

Hi Janos, sorry things are so hard for you right now. My dh came with lots of debts that we took care of with protected trust deed, which we have just now finished paying. We managed to take a years break from it as we moved to another country and incurred alot of expense and found them very reasonable and understanding. Sorry I can give no advice, but things will get better even if they seem to get worse first! Along will come a better job, your ex will decide if he wants any quality time with his kids he will need to make it formal and it sounds as though you already have the debt thing under control.

Maybe you could speak to your GP and see if any support is available/sick line for work?

Thanks everyone :)

I'm feeling a bit better now, have had lots of messages of support, plus some offers of practical help.

Anyway, just wanted to say thank you.

hi, there I too have major debt problems, and at the moment am trying to fend off my debtors. I finally decided at christmas to sell the house rather than go through the stress of being made bankrupt. All my friends seem financially secure and are in relationships whereas I am single and trying to bring up my dd age 6. Just wanted you to know you are not on your own. :)

janos, me too adding a message of sympathy. Would it help if you could be ruthless and simplify your life for now?

As cheltnahamgal said, could you consider selling your house? would you have enough to buy somewhere cheaper elsewhere? would you consider renting, with a view to getting on the property ladder later. If you are a single mother with children, you should stand a chance of getting rehoused by a housing association eventually. Any good talking to some now, to see what they could offer you at some point(shared ownership perhaps?).

Also, your job - if you leave it, would it be that bad? not working for a while might help you - or finding another job.

In desperate times, when I am really worried, I try to imagine the worst that can happen and then imagine how I'd cope. I imagine what my emergency plan would be. It really helps me to visualise what I would do (in your case it might mean moving back to your parents, perhaps and starting again). Then I can then see that life will go on, somewhere, somehow.

Hope things look better for you soon.