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Original poster

If you are screwed up by your childhood are you aware of it?

19 replies

charliecat · 09/03/2006 19:58

I had a screwed up childhood, my mum says it has affected me.
I dont know if it has....should I know, or is that part of it???!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

WigWamBam · 09/03/2006 19:59

If you don't feel it has then surely it's not a problem, so doesn't matter? Don't let you mum make you worry about something that hasn't bothered you before.

Mine screwed me up, and I'm perfectly aware of the fact.

Rhubarb · 09/03/2006 20:00

If you don't know about it, count yourself lucky.

Forget about it and get on with your life.

starlover · 09/03/2006 20:00

everyone is "affected" by their childhood... being screwed up is different!

I don't know... yeah I guess some of the problems I have had in later life have been because of my childhood... but who knows?

Pruni · 09/03/2006 20:00

Hard one...
Who's to say you're really screwed up? She might be playing games with you (if she's that sort).
My parents were crap but I think I'm ok, only mildly screwed-up.
Are there things you can't do that you'd like to be able to do? If not, does it matter?

Original poster

charliecat · 09/03/2006 20:05

Your aware of it WWB...how? If you dont mind saying?
She not playing games, she said it once, years ago and its stuck in my mind.
I cant talk about domestic violence without crying and ambulances make my eyes prick with tears, other than that life goes on..

OP posts:

colditz · 09/03/2006 20:05

I had a mildly screwed up childhood, and am mildly screwed up. I think I have a tendency to blame my childhood for what might simply be personality flaws

SenoraPostrophe · 09/03/2006 20:11

I think colditz's point is very pertinent. a screwed up childhood does affect you, but doesn't actually have to screw up your life. I do think that some people and some therapists place way too much emphasis on it and end up creating problems that weren't there, or that needen't have been there in the first place.

cc: your mum is probably saying that because she feels so guilty about it. it may not have affected you imo.

Thirtysix · 09/03/2006 20:50

I had a screwed up childhood and yes it has screwed me up-however,I think it has certainly made me a better parent for it-I will NEVER put my DD through waht I went through.
One can only blame ones childhood so much,as adults we have to take responsibility for our actions and try as best we can to move on.
It surely affects us on some level for ever (and we are all entiltled to our "moments") but life is too short to dwell int he past permanently

WigWamBam · 09/03/2006 22:06

I'm aware of it in that it has killed my self-esteem, I have difficulty relating to people, I have depression and eating disorders, and it has affected my sister too in that she is now an alcoholic - which she (and her therapist) blame on her/our childhood. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with things that happened to me as a child, and I am certainly aware of how not to treat my own dd.

I agree that as adults we have to take responsibility for our own actions, but it's difficult when what is affected is the mind as well.

Thirtysix · 09/03/2006 22:20

Feel I should add,like WWB-it has taken me years and years to get to this "place" and have done it on my own...my choice.
Am far from sorted but hey,why should life be crap for ever?

TwoIfBySea · 09/03/2006 23:14

Yes but only when you realise why you do or think a certain way about certain things.

Is that ambiguous enough?

jampots · 09/03/2006 23:19

I had real issues a few years ago when my dd was about to take the 11+ exam for King Edwards. I sat the exam but my parents said I couldnt go if I did pass because my twin wasnt as clever as me. They maintained at the time they didnt hear from the school and so I went to the local comp and was devastated. As my parents have been dead since 1991 and 1997 I didnt have anyone to ask. I desperately needed to know. As it happens dd missed entry to our preferred KE (Camp Hill) by 6 points so I made sure she knew she did well but didnt make it. Would still love to know if I did pass or fail but not such a burning issue now we've been through it

Original poster

charliecat · 11/03/2006 16:11

I think I may be mildly affected, spent all of friday feeling a bit rattly about even asking this question

OP posts:

foundintranslation · 11/03/2006 16:24

Agree with TwoIfbySea on the whole.
Every now and then (e.g. this week :( ) I see very negative aspects of my mother, which I suffered a lot from, bursting out of me and am absolutely horrified. Am trying very hard to take responsibility for it and move on as I do NOT want to be like my mother.
Some somewhat scewed-up aspects of me I'm not sure about - whether they are down to my home situation, having had a crap time at school or personality 'failures' (ikwym colditz).

Nemo1977 · 11/03/2006 16:27

am another with a screwed up childhood that I didnt realise had affected me until 2 years ago.

blueshoes · 11/03/2006 17:06

I had an emotionally and physically absent father and a mildly depressed and emotionally deficient mother. My 2 siblings and I all lack confidence to different degrees. Wonder if there is a connection.

spacecadet · 11/03/2006 17:10

i was beaten and abused by my father, but although yes it seriously affected me and i did have counselling, i would like to think that it hadnt screwed me up. i wont allow it to.

BonyM · 11/03/2006 17:16

I didn't have a screwed up childhood - pretty happy actually, BUT my father would never trust me to do anything - was never allowed to touch his stereo etc. in case I broke it.

I'm pretty sure this led me to have low self esteem, which I've largely overcome now.

My father is actually a lovely man and is much more laid back these days - lets my two dd's do whatever they like!

nutcracker · 11/03/2006 17:21

I think you would know.

My parents divorce screwed me up a bit even if my mum does deny it.

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