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Original poster

Not spoken to either of dss' godparents for about 5 years, now he has inoperable cancer

21 replies

lilibet · 07/03/2006 18:34

oh dear me. Sad

He is a very lovely man, I had a row with her, and now I find out he has cancer. To make things more complicated she and I work together in an office of 19 people, it's just generally accepted that we don't speak.

My options:-

  1. Say nothing
  2. E mail her at work
  3. Ring her at home
  4. Speak to her at work

I have spoken to another couple of people in the office, neither of whom would like to hazard a guess as to how she will react, she is a pretty unpredictable woman who has had problems with depression in the past but so far she seems to be handling all this incredibly well. I hate scenes, so don't wnat to speak to her about it at work, am very nervous of phoning her, think that e mailing may be a little strange seeing as we sit about 12 feet apart but do wnat to say something. What shoud I do, and what should I say??

OP posts:
bundle · 07/03/2006 18:36

how awful. I'd tend to go for the ring at home or drop at handwritten note to home saying you're sorry you fell out and would like to try and put that behind you..but if she doesn't want to then that's fine, ie you don't want to make things harder for them at this difficult time. you could also drop him a note, separately.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 07/03/2006 18:39

Would write her a letter - that way you avoid a scene and/or putting her on the spot. She can respond to you then if she wishes and in her own time.

Twiglett · 07/03/2006 18:44

actually I'd walk over to her desk, in front of other people if its public knowledge and say something along the lines of

"I'm truly sorry to hear about xxxx, I am sorry too that our relationship has got to this point. If there is anythign I can do to help or support you I just wanted to let you know that I am here for you"

and then I'd send him a card to his house

.. life is too short for petty grudges (assuming it was something or nothing)

champs · 07/03/2006 18:46

like twigletts suggestion. was gonna suggest a card aswell.

Freckle · 07/03/2006 18:47

I suspect she is not handling it well, simply suppressing her feelings for fear of losing it in public. Can you offer the olive branch and offer to be there as a friend as this is going to be an incredibly difficult time for her? Whatever happened in the past, it is but a grain of sand compared to what she is going through now and later.

Original poster
lilibet · 07/03/2006 18:47

Wish I was brave enough Twiglett, because that could go one of two ways, either hysterical sobs or a "f$%k off"

but they may be good words for a letter

OP posts:
lalaa · 07/03/2006 19:09

i think if you did it twiglett's way, the woman might feel under pressure to say something positive when she may not wish to. i think twiglett's sentiments are spot on but i'd go with the handwritten note so that she has an option to do whatever she wants to. i actually wrote a letter like this when i was diagnosed with cancer to a close relative I wasn't speaking to at the time, and he rang me as a direct result.

Piffle · 07/03/2006 19:12

I think I'd send a card, explaining that you've heard their awful news and that you're concerned and thinking of them. And if their is anything you could do as someone who knows them, then you'd be more than willing to help out..

Waswondering · 07/03/2006 19:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twiglett · 07/03/2006 19:44

why did you fall out anyway??

welshmum · 07/03/2006 19:47

I'm with Twiglett and waswondering - some kind of gentle personal approach.

yomellamoHelly · 07/03/2006 19:51

Would probably write or send a card to her. Serious illness makes you reasses where you stand with lots of things, and who knows this may be one of those things.

WideWebWitch · 07/03/2006 19:58

Can you email her from home one night? Although, having read other posts, sending a handwritten note to her house would probably be better. It gives her a night to sleep on it having read it and you could say 'I understand if you don't want to talk to me but I'm here if you do want to.' I want to know too, what happened? That must be v awkward if you work together and aren't speaking and used to be close.

Original poster
lilibet · 07/03/2006 20:09

I don't know her home e mail address, only her work one

I don't really wnat to go into why we fell out, she lied to me about something that she had done, but she was in a bit of a no win situation really. That's just made you allthe more curious tho' hasn't it!?

No one for ringing her at home then?

I do have to do something soon, as if I leave it too long it will just be impossible

OP posts:
Waswondering · 07/03/2006 20:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twiglett · 09/03/2006 08:25

So? have you approached her/them

Original poster
lilibet · 09/03/2006 12:06

Sort of..........

I did something which shocked other people in the office, I joined in with a conversation thta she had started about a car crash at the end of her street. Which may not sound a lot but considering that not a word has passed between us for 5 years it was a major thing - jaws dropped all around me!!. But she just carried on the conversation as if it was perfectly natural, and we had quit e a chat My thinking was that it would break the ice and then when I do get round to asking how he is I will better be able to judge the reaction.

OP posts:
Waswondering · 09/03/2006 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shimmy21 · 09/03/2006 12:54

You've made the first move. Now, what about leaving a card on her desk when noone is around saying something along the lines of Twiglett's wording? Then the ball's in her court if she wants to repond or not...

pashmina · 09/03/2006 13:01

go on - leave a card on her desk, she probably needs some support, and wouldn't it make the atmosphere better at work? good luck

Twiglett · 09/03/2006 13:50

good for you Smile

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