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Original poster

Let down by a friend - advice needed please!

25 replies

lars · 06/03/2006 13:05

I feel really let down by a friend. Have not seen her for a while and rang her last week to arrange a meet up, we agreed on friday lunch time. I went round to her house to find her out.

When I got home I rang her but there was no answer, I rang her later that evening and she said I hadn't arranged a time, but I had. She then went on to say that she had a parcel delivered that day and had to wait in and needed to go to the bank. Why didn't she ring me to let me know? She said she was sorry and would ring me today to arrange something, but she hasn't rang at all. Is she trying to give me the brush off, Not sure what to think. Do I not bother with her anymore?

We were really friendly but since the kids have changed school it doesn't seem to be the same. Advice needed please.[ sad] larsxx

OP posts:

Original poster

lars · 06/03/2006 13:07

larsxx

OP posts:

noddyholder · 06/03/2006 13:09

Give her the benefit of the doubt but if she doesn't ring sometime today there may be something in it.Have you had any disagreements or anything recently It does seem odd

amynnixmum · 06/03/2006 13:10

Its horrible when people treat you like this. I suppose you need to think about what you get from the relationship and work out if its worth making the effort. I have a friend who virtually never contacts me and if I don't make the effort to call her and go round months can go by without us talking. I was a bit hurt by this but in the end I decided that since i enjoyed spending time with her I would ignore how crap she was at making the effort and just enjoy her company when I went to see her. Mind you she has never just not turned up for something we have arranged or I might feel differently.

Original poster

lars · 06/03/2006 13:11

No, I've not had any row or anything like that.

I think she may have made another friend at a swimming class and not sure if she is giving me the brush off. Larsxx

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 06/03/2006 13:12

when this happens.

I would leave the ball in her court though, and if she doesnt get in contact just leave it at that.

cece · 06/03/2006 13:12

This hapened to me quite recently but in the end it turned out my friend had a really good reason for not bing in when I turned up at her house!

Was annoyed at the time but I understand why now. However, that was because she left a really sweet message on my phone to apologise.

This may be something different. I would wait to see if she phones and if she does what she says to you/and the way she says it too iyswim.

noddyholder · 06/03/2006 13:14

It shouldn't matter if shes made another friend we can all do with more than one friend.

milward · 06/03/2006 13:21

lars - I've been dumped by a friend who I've not seen for ages. Her kid is at a different school & I think that she doesn't think I'm important enough for her to be friends with! When my ds4 was born she came round with lovely gifts but had to leave after 5 mins as she had loads to do (why bother coming round - she could have visted another day).
I saw her the other week in the supermarket but I didn't go over to say hello - felt better to leave it.

Original poster

lars · 06/03/2006 13:23

noddyholder, you are right the more friends the better. I don't know what to think. She would often ring to go shopping, etc and I know she has been working recently but this as and when it suites her, she doesn't appeared too bothered to make arrangements.

Her husband said a strange thing when I phoned up on Friday, don't forget you have painting to do.
Whe I asked her had she done the painting she said no. Therefore I guess this was not as important as her DH was making out. larsxx

OP posts:

Original poster

lars · 06/03/2006 13:28

milward, how awful for you!

She was really supported with my ds and I'm just not sure why she has changed. I didn't think a change of schools would be such a big influence. She kind of knew I would change schools due to all the problems I was having. larsxx

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geissi · 06/03/2006 13:41

thats terible!
happened to me 2 years ago i was friends with this girl our kids got on great we spend a lot of time togeter she phoned me 3 or 4 times a day until she meet this new friend and startet to ignore me even when i was at her house and this other friend was there they both blanked me what an insult i havent said or done anything to her
anyway found out later that she has done this in the past some people can only have one friend at the time. maybe she wasnt such a good friend after all and you was just convenient at the time. step back and let her come to you and if she doesnt then you know where you stand

Original poster

lars · 06/03/2006 14:09

geissi, Yes that what I going to do. Just really surprised as she was a good friend that offered me alot of support with ds. Thanks everyone larsxx

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geissi · 06/03/2006 17:25

i know the feeling, i thought the sun was shining out of this friends a* until this happened.
i bumped into her the other day and she came up to me all chatty but i didnt get into a conversation with her just politely said "hello, how are you and see you later.

cod · 06/03/2006 17:26

maybe she i goign throguh matial difficluties
ro having a health porblem
or just really busy
ro lost your number
theres laods of reasons i dont kep up withf riends but not all sinister

Original poster

lars · 06/03/2006 18:49

thanks cod, but to be honest she lives round the corner. So i'm not far away to give a knock.
So far still no phone call!!!!

OP posts:

childern · 06/03/2006 19:47

Why do grown ups have to be so nasty, worse than the kids some times, like someone else said " some people can't be friends with more than 1 person at a time" SAD comes to mind.

Original poster

lars · 06/03/2006 21:37

Well, she hasn't bothered ringing, so I feel really fed up that I am treated like a non important friend. Second let down she said she would ring.

To be honest I am totally fed up with everything.
larsxx

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amynnixmum · 07/03/2006 11:30

Has she rung today lars?

Original poster

lars · 07/03/2006 16:43

amynnixmum thanks for asking, no she hasn't rang.
Really fed up with the broken promise. I felt really down at first about it then thought sod it. I am not wasting time on energy on her.

Just really surprised, didn't thnk she was like that. It just seems to be that she can't be bothered. Just feel I need to make friends that are more reliable, but it's not easy. Just feel a little isolated at the moment as not working and just miss friendly chats. Most people I know are working or live further away. larsxx

OP posts:

amynnixmum · 07/03/2006 16:47

What about some of the mums at your children's new school? I struggled a bit when I took my children out of the school round the corner from us and put them in a new one as the mums in the new one had already established friendships etc but gradually I've made friends at the new school and I still see a couple of the mums from the old school too.

Original poster

lars · 07/03/2006 16:58

amynnixmum, Yes same problem really. They are nice and say hello some don't of course. Sometimes I feel parents stay away due to your child IYKWIM. I find it easy to make friends, but it's finding the right kind of friends that I have something in common with.

I did find in his last school that it was harder to make friends due to my ds's behaviour at school. Sometimes I felt people avoided us, which I felt really sad as he didn't have a diagnoisis then. My daughter is was different it was far easier to meet new mums, but we all started at the beginning. larsxx

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amynnixmum · 07/03/2006 17:05

It was the same for us lars. I had no problems making friends with the mums when dd started school but with ds it was different. In fact thinking about it the 2 mums that I still see are mums that I met at preschool first and have now known for a few years. Persevere with the mums at the new school - I used to just keep smiling at the ones that looked friendly and then started saying hello and then built on that. Also don't dismiss mums just because you don't think you have much in common. There are only 2 mums that I think I could make a lasting friendship with - one in dds year and one in ds - but I still chat to the other mums and we've been for coffee etc. It helps me not feel so isolated and usually its actually quite fun.

Original poster

lars · 07/03/2006 17:12

amynnixmum, thanks for your support. I too have friends made from dd at pre school but the mums work now as dd is now at secondary school and the girls are all at different schools. One thing I learned that the mums might be friends but the girls have gone their own way.

I say hello to the mums and some seem really nice. There is one who always says hello and seems really nice. I feel I am a bit of an outsider at the moment. There are some they don't bother at all.

It's hard because ds finds it hard to make friends and threfore you don't get friendly with the mums. Larsxx

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amynnixmum · 07/03/2006 17:17

I've got to go and make tea now before ds dies of starvation Why don't you pluck up the courage and ask the nice mum who says hello if she'd like to go for a coffee? I spent a while wishing I could get to know people better when one of the mums that I chat to more regularly asked me if I'd like to come for a coffee with her. Afterwards I thought to myself 'I could have done that' - I didn't need to wait for someone to ask me and nor do you. Good luck

Original poster

lars · 07/03/2006 17:22

amynnixmum, thanks for that. I am going to build on the relationship as we just have little chats at the moment. larsxx

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