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Original poster

inviting work colleagues to wedding - advice please

25 replies

Dottydot · 03/03/2006 15:15

OK, I want to invite 3 of my work colleagues to dp's and my civil ceremony. It's going to be a small informal 'do' with probably 50 people maximum. Can I just invite the 3 or do I have to include their other husbands/partners aswell? Ideally it would be just them, but would that be breaking some kind of wedding etiquette-type thing??

OP posts:

dinosaur · 03/03/2006 15:16

I think you have to invite their spouses/partners too. Think it would be regarded as odd not to.

zippitippitoes · 03/03/2006 15:17

I think an invitation for a wedding would normally be xtended to a partner, but if it's loacl and on a weekday then the partner isn't very likely to come

Original poster

Dottydot · 03/03/2006 15:19

oh... not the answers I wanted!! Will have to have a think about it. The 3 colleagues all get on with each other really well, so they'd stick together and wouldn't be lonely -does that change things?!!

OP posts:

nailpolish · 03/03/2006 15:21

if you send them an 'informal' invitation, ie just ask them, not a written one, they might come on their own.

hunkermunker · 03/03/2006 15:22

Explain to them it's a small ceremony, that you'd love it if they could come, but there's not room for their partners too.

Then they'll go onto worknet.com and bitch about it

zippitippitoes · 03/03/2006 15:26

Do they have children?

chjlly · 03/03/2006 15:27

For my wedding I had friends that I wanted to invite but couldn't stretch to their partners but they were invited to the evening. When we had all the rsvp's back it turned out that their partners could come and my friends were all ok with the way it was done

peachygirl · 03/03/2006 15:29

Hi I did this
I invited really good work friends with their partners but not children (which caused a bit of trouble) and then invited the others as a group of 3 in the same invite knowing they would all come togetheranyway . In the end none of them turned up which P*ed me off as none of them rang / texted/ emailed either me or my mum to apologise which I think was quite rude.

lahdeedah · 03/03/2006 15:29

A friend of mine did this - invited several work colleagues without partners - they graciously accepted the invitations, but then spent much of the wedding meal telling the rest of us how pissed off they were at not having their partners invited.... and the moral of this story is - only do this if you don't mind being bitched about behind your back!

Original poster

Dottydot · 03/03/2006 15:40

None of them have got children and one of them's not got a partner. Flipping heck - I didn't think it would be so contentious..! (I clearly have a lot to learn about weddings!)

OP posts:

nailpolish · 03/03/2006 15:42

tbh i would be annoyed if my dh wasnt invited

so if you invite all 3 the worst that could happen is that they all turn up, and one of them brings their dp? that only makes 4, could you accomodate that?

compo · 03/03/2006 15:50

I would take all 3 out for lunch one day and explain the situation. If they are really good friends they'll understand and will be quite happy to be together and without partners.

nailpolish · 03/03/2006 15:51

oh sorry, it would be 5. just re-read sorry

nailpolish · 03/03/2006 15:52

compos idea is a good one

Original poster

Dottydot · 03/03/2006 15:54

Thanks - yes it would be an extra 5 and that would be fine - especially as we're asking people to pay for their own lunch!! Which I think is partly why I wanted just the people I know really well to be there. We're having lunch at Pizza Express and everyone's going to get their own (we're providing wine but that's all) and then there's an evening do at my Mum's house which we're putting a chinese buffet on for.

So because it's so cheap and cheerful I felt a bit funny about having complete strangers there, as I haven't met my colleagues' other halves.

Does any of this make sense?!

OP posts:

Marina · 03/03/2006 15:55

We had colleagues at ours Dotty - mine chose to come as a gurl gang of four which was fine by me - dh's brought their partners as it happened. Am now awaiting invitation back to one couple's civil ceremony - after 16 years together they can finally get married. They'd better invite us
Hope you have a fantastic day.

dinosaur · 03/03/2006 15:56

Yes, agree that compo's suggestion is good.

compo · 03/03/2006 15:56

I think that all sounds fine as long as you make it very clear in the invite that that is what is going to happen. Do you really need to go for lunch if your providing dinner though? Could the weding be later?

Marina · 03/03/2006 15:57

Yep. Mine agreed that without my having to take them to lunch even

nailpolish · 03/03/2006 15:59

i would definitely take them to lunch or whatever and tell them your plans, im sure theyll be fine! and have a great day Dot, dont be worrying about it xxx

Original poster

Dottydot · 03/03/2006 18:18

ooh Compo - don't suggest changing the plans - we've already been round all the houses with times, venues etc. etc..!! Had a chat with dp and we've decided to sod it and invite everyone plus guest, so they can bring their partners if they want. As we're not paying for lunch it doesn't really matter and they'll have to cope with our shambolic informal disorganised day!

OP posts:

Sparklemagic · 03/03/2006 18:27

dottydot, invite the people YOU want there - don't feel pressured by anyone. I fel that getting married is one of the most intimate things you canever do in your life, how bizarre it would be to have people watching you who you have never even met!!!

I did this with my wedding, only invited those I really wanted there at such a personal time and I didn't care if I offended anyone. But having said that I kept work colleagues for the evening do and invited partners, I kept the day just for family and a couple of very very close friends.

To me getting married felt as intimate as having sex and it felt odd having ANYONE watching but then I'm just weird.

Why not just invite your work colleagues to your mum's in the evening thus avoiding this whole issue????

Sparklemagic · 03/03/2006 18:28

by the way your plans sound lovely x

mogwai · 03/03/2006 20:28

I had a similar situation.

Just after I got engaged, I informally invited three of our secretaries at work to my wedding. Shortly afterwards, I went to work elsewhere within the same organisiation but still had some limited contact with these secretaries.

It was two years before we got married, by which time, I wished I had never invited them, as I no longer felt close to them. However, I wanted to keep my word, so I did invite them, minus their partners (they all work together and are good friends).

Unfortunately, I had invited eight of my therapist colleagues, and not wanting to appear to be treating the secretaries any differently from the therapists, I was forced to also invite them without their partners. To be honest, we were £555 better off for not inviting 11 partners, so when I look at it like that, it was a good move!

However, the crucial point was really that I knew the therapist's partners as friends and would have liked for them to be there really. In the event, everyone came and nothing was ever said. You can't please everyone, and why should you have a bunch of strangers sharing your most intimate day? I find that quite strange!

Twinkie1 · 03/03/2006 20:40

We have just invited a few of DPs colleagues and as thinking about it have been very sexist - the older men have been invited with their partners but the girls who are all younger have been told that numbers are tight and they will have to come alone!! (Oh an DP thinks their partners are tossers!! - but we didn't mention that!!)

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