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Original poster

ARGH! Please can I rant about my mother?

40 replies

GeorginaA · 09/12/2003 21:37

I'm not asking for advice. I'd just like to vent somewhere where she's not like to see it. I know others have much more serious issues with their mothers but mine is just driving me nuts at the moment.

We're doing Christmas at hers this year, which is fine, except it tends to be a little "quiet" (in-laws Christmas my mum is invited to as well, plus all of ds' cousins, and it's a really roudy family full Christmas spirit affair... great fun). It is well past her "turn" though, so that's okay.

She was asking for ideas for what to get ds for Christmas so I made a list of several things she could choose from and it still be a "surprise". However, before I could send it to her she phoned me up and announced that she had already bought his present - an expensive wooden dollshouse.

We've been through this before, she's always wanted to get one of these (more for herself than my kids) and has been pestering me to have a girl so she could buy one (as if I had a say in the matter!) Then at ds' 2nd birthday this year asked if he'd like one, and I said probably, but only get a cheap plastic one as he's unlikely to get more than a couple of years play out of it and it'd be a waste of money (he's really into cars, books, trains, etc. Will play with some dolls housey stuff but only for limited periods of time and with the best will in the world, I can't see him spending a lot of time with it).

I'm fuming inside, but outside saying "oh that's nice". What a waste of money! It's huge as well - we've only got a tiny house, god knows where we're going to put it. I'm also (if I'm honest) slightly miffed that ds' big present will be from his nana rather than from us (we certainly can't afford anything to match that, not that he needs anything that expensive anyway - we'd planned to get a mix of smaller things for him to open this year), but I wouldn't mind if it was something he really wanted that we just couldn't afford - but this gift is solely for HER not ds!!

Okay, I have issues with my mother anyway, as this post probably shows plainly

OP posts:
crystaltips · 09/12/2003 21:42

I had the same sort of problem last year but with MIL ( Witch )
She got DS ( aged 10 ) a castle with hand painted soldiers - serious money !( Lovely - BUT about 5 year too late )

I took it from DS and gave him a playstation game he was hoping for! ( as later he said - I don't like soldiers anymore mum ) and have kept it in it's wrapper and am frantically thinking who I can give it to ( £100 at least !! )

Isn't it infuriating?

popsycal · 09/12/2003 21:43

don't worry Georgina!!
You are allowed to rant about htings like this!!
I have a problem with my MIL - v trivial and stupid etc .. i know...
but she asked what to get ds...so we told her very specifically in order to help - ie get him X
then a few days later, a cheque arrived for us to get it for him!!!
probably being very unreasonable - but they are retired (early retirement - both under 55!!! and in excellent health with a car etc etc) - why couldnt they buy it themselves!!!!
hmmmph
rant over!

popsycal · 09/12/2003 21:44

crystaltips...eBay?

Original poster
GeorginaA · 09/12/2003 21:46

Oh I hate that popsycal - I think it was last Christmas (or could have been his birthday - I forget now) just about every relative gave me a cheque to "buy something" for ds. So not only did I have to do my own Christmas shopping but had to do all theirs as well!

Gah - I actually really enjoy Christmas, despite my moaning. Honest.

OP posts:
crystaltips · 09/12/2003 21:48

Scared of eBay ... what happens if I cock it up ??
Bought 3 pairs of hair staighteners the other week

miggy · 09/12/2003 21:49

popsycal-my in-laws deserve similar rant. asked what they could get so sent them a list of things so they could choose something, all on the internet to make it easy for them. They have bought things and had them sent to me so I can wrap them up, even from Amazon where there is a gift wrapping service. Theres a job for DH then because I am NOT doing it AAAAAARGH! -is screaming allowed too Would rather they just didnt bother frankly.

popsycal · 09/12/2003 21:49

but it wasnt even to buy 'something' - they had said to us - we want to spend X amount on ds - what should we buy? and we siad get X - and the cheque then arrived!!!!!!!
argh!!

Lisa78 · 09/12/2003 21:53

Georgina, my mum used to do stuff like that I say used to as we no longer speak - rather a drastic solution
Why don't you tell her he won't get much use out of it at your house cos of the space problem but can he keep it at her house to play with there?

Original poster
GeorginaA · 09/12/2003 21:55

Yeah, I could but then she'd expect us to visit more

OP posts:
motherinferior · 09/12/2003 22:21

Slightly but only slightly related (but hey I could rant about my own mum for HOURS and frequently do) my sodding BIL has decided 'no presents' this year, not money, he just can't face doing Christmas. OK, fine, I sympathise. But I sort of would like him to notice he has two nieces and that they are really very sweet and perhaps make the trip from Horsham to London to visit the new baby before virtually cattle prodded and even perhaps remember her NAME. (Two other brothers are suitably doting, I should add.) (Oh, and dp has still bought him a sodding present.)

SHIREENSMOM · 09/12/2003 23:55

my mom done exactaly the same to me my dd is 2 and her old grandchild we only have a small 2 bed flat with not much room as it is filled with yoys allready she asked me what she should but her and i said she neads need shoes and some new clothes but no she went out and bought a bloody massive kitchen thing and lots if other stuff im convinced she wants to show us up cause she has more money than us, she just doesnt listen it was only dd's birthday a few weeks ago and she bought her loads then i no how you feel!!!!

handlemecarefully · 10/12/2003 08:30

Lets be honest, its predominantly a girls toy (sorry for the gender stereotyping - but its true), and if my mum had done that I would find it infuriating too!

bobthebaby · 10/12/2003 08:37

My mum got all confused and bought the toy that MIL said she would buy. I don't honestly think that MIL will go to as much trouble as my mum did to find this specific thing, so if my mum takes it back for a refund MIL will probably just buy something else, or give me money to get it. Argh! Do you think my mum would offer to sell it to MIL and save her the trouble - no way! How do I broach this and save them both further trouble?

marialuisa · 10/12/2003 09:35

GeorginaA, could you swap it for Crystaltips castle? sounds more the sort of thing your DS would get excited about . Also, isn't she going to be disappointed when DS ignores house after 5 minutes and plays with the dinosaur/dumptruck/reads new book for 50th time?

TBH I prefer to get the money to buy DD stuff as I have a better idea what she likes, we also live long distances from most rellies so seems a bit mad to get them to post massive items.

Original poster
GeorginaA · 10/12/2003 13:31

Yes but I'm guessing crystaltips son wouldn't appreciate the dolls house either at 10

handlemecarefully - to be honest, that's what went through my mind too. Although we're not particularly gender specific with toys (he loves his toy microwave, plays occasionally with toy kitchen, etc), it does concern me that as soon as he's at school with a certain degree of peer pressure about what boy's interests are supposed to be, then he's not going to want to be seen anywhere NEAR a dolls house!

OP posts:
pie · 10/12/2003 13:49

georgina DH says you could paint the dolls house with camoflauge and turn it into action mans HQ or something.

Mothers are bonkers...will we all be like this I wonder?

samACon · 10/12/2003 13:53

MIL has bought DS2 (3!) an electric motorbike for christmas after I specifically (sp?) said no and had given all the reasons why ie we live in a tiny 2 bed flat with no garden, its not fair on his brother and far far too expensive ( she's spent all year expecting us to sort out her dire finances then does this)

I lost my temper....in 16 years I have never given into temptation and shouted at MIL, lots of times I've wanted to, but this time she pushed me too far. Motorbike has gone back.

However DS1 (5) is now getting a remote controlled airplane.....arghhhhhhhhhh

bobsmum · 10/12/2003 14:00

Can I add a FIL to this list please? Ds is 15 months and although we got a cheque when he was born, since then he's missed his first Christmas, dedication service and first birthday. Our nephew (his grandson - 5 mths) on the other hand has had money, plus huge christening pressie plus hand out after hand out - usually while we're visiting and therefore can see the gift-giving. Obviously it's not about the money or the quantity of presents, but I think ds' first birthday at least could have warranted a card? Why do parents so obviously play favourites? Grrrrrrr

Original poster
GeorginaA · 10/12/2003 14:02

What a good idea, pie!

Feeling a little more charitable today. I suppose the issue is that there are so many more toys available today than when mum was a kid. Added to that, they're a lot cheaper (in proportion to average income) and she has more disposable income as a grandparent than she ever had when I was a child, so in a way she must feel like she's "making up" for that, but confusing her own ideas for what makes a "cool toy" with what ds would want.

She's still nuts, though

OP posts:
pie · 10/12/2003 14:05

georgina it would also have the added bonus of making your mother go mental...but then she may get the point!

handlemecarefully · 10/12/2003 14:11

Pie

"Will we all be like this I wonder"...

Christ - I hope not. I've thought about making a diary of all the irritating things that my parents and in laws do, so that when I am in that position I can hopefully avoid the same pitfalls.....

donnie · 10/12/2003 14:18

what an interesting thread. And there's me feeling upset and saddened because my mother died when I was 13 and both my hubby's parents are also dead. All I can say is, I wish I was in your shoes, all of you............

Original poster
GeorginaA · 10/12/2003 14:30

Donnie. Please note at the beginning where I said "I know others have much more serious issues with their mothers but mine is just driving me nuts at the moment."

I know this is a trivial problem compared to the problems most post on here about, but to me it's really stressing me out at the moment. I wanted a safe place to vent.

I lost my father seven years ago, so I know what it's like to lose a parent, but I know that I still can't fully imagine what it must be like to lose your parents at a young age, and will never be able to fully empathise.

However, for many people, family relationships are the most difficult relationships we have and are extremely stressful, hurtful and upsetting. By working through my feelings about my own parents (I hope) it will make me a better parent myself. Having this (mostly) lighthearted thread has made me feel so much better, helped me to see that I'm not the only one who goes through this and has helped me laugh it off. I am really grateful for all those who posted an amusing story of their own.

Hell, if we can't laugh at ourselves here, where can we?

OP posts:
Beetroot · 10/12/2003 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

handlemecarefully · 10/12/2003 14:47

Agreed!