At my wits end!

[Spanishomelette]

Never posted on here before but not sure who else to speak to about this as it involves my DH. We have a one-year old son and we both have high-pressured jobs. I try to work 4 days a week but as its my own business I more often not work full time and then some. Recently my DH is getting stressed about his work as he wants to progress and has some important exams coming up in November which will in part determine what job he can get beyond that. He also ought to be doing other work to supplement his CV but is the world's greatest procrastinator!
Recently he has started saying that it would be a lot easier for him to get work done if I didn't work myself as he wouldn't have to share the childcare responsibilities during the week so much (drop off / pick ups from nursery, sorting out what to do when we are both working away, etc). I don't know if I am being selfish myself as we were talking about it the other night (again) and going round in circles and I said that I can't do anything more to support him as I am already working myself into the ground and enjoying being a mummy to DS. To which he replied quietly "that's a shame". We both love our son dearly, but I do think that my husband is struggling to accept that it isn't all about him anymore. Last night I asked if it would be okay for me to go abroad to work for 3 days at a clients request in a few weeks to which he responded that he would never get his work done if I keep leaving him to look after DS.
Admittedly I have been away for a couple of night's a week for the past 4 weeks as we are going through a really busy spell at work, but as it is my business and I have staff that depend on the business being there for their own livelihoods I really don't need this extra pressure.
Any advice or support would be gladly welcomed!

Doesn't sound like he's supporting you in any way. I don't know what to suggest TBH because the situation will get worse as your DS gets older. You are both going to have to sit down and discuss your long-term plans and see if you can come to some sort of agreement or compromise. Perhaps you'll have to agree to ease off a bit until he's done his exams on the understanding that after that it's your turn?

Sounds like he sees DS as primarily your responsibility and your job as secondary to his. Does he have his own business too?

Thanks for your advice. He is a doctor so I know he has a lot of pressure with his job and i know that he does see it as more important than mine due to the fact it's life or death! Fair enough

I have told him that we need to talk about it but it keeps getting avoided. I do feel generally that there is a lack of emotional support there for me, but I'm trying to make him see that my job is as important to me as his is to him and that we need to try and respect each others' careers and support each other more generally.

It all sounds do simple when it's written down!

Well I don't think that being a doctor is necessarily more important than any other job - presumably if you run your own business you have responsibilities to other people, particularly if you have employees to support.

A lot of men have a secret hankering for a SAH wife I think, particularly if that's a role that was fulfilled in their own childhood. I wonder if that is the case here?

Can you calmly but firmly explain to him that although you can appreciate why this scenario would be appealling (god, I would love a SAH wife ) you will not be giving up your career and you would appreciate his input into the two of you deciding together on the best workable solution for your family as a whole.

Would a nanny be an option for you? DH and I both have high pressure jobs and we find that having a nanny massively takes the pressure off us both of us and we don't end up with nearly the same level of career 'power struggles' that we did when we trying to organise DD and nursery every day.

Would second a nanny ,by far the most flexible childcare with two careers;no drop offs,no worrying about ds being ill and not being able to go to CM/ nursery plus being able to be looked after at home