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Original poster

I know I'm being petty but.....

28 replies

Somanykiddies · 23/02/2006 19:23

Mealtimes are particularly stressfull for me as 1) I hate cooking 2) I have to cater for two extremely picky vegetarians (long story there) and 3) they never seem to appreciate what I put in front of them anyway. We have a dishwasher that we use quite a lot, washing up for seven is just too much sometimes, but they always have to wash their cups and breakfast things. So at lunch today they had rolls on dirty plates because they had clearly not done a good job the previous day. I am sick and tired of keep telling them that it is unhygenic and lazy, a simple bit of washing up, warm water, liquid, not tricky is it. So tonight rather than tip out the cold water that they washed up with at lunchtime and left in the sink, they left the bowl on the side and rinsed cups under the tap!! I'm fully aware that this sounds so petty but they really are taking the p*ss. I just seem to be nagging and nagging and they just keep taking and taking. Sorry for rant, will pour another glass of wine!

OP posts:
fastasleep · 23/02/2006 19:25

7! Washing up for 7! Thank god for your dishwasher, I don't have one... I'm having dinner time issues with my DS (nevermind anyone else) he's enough to make me insane by the end of the day...

It sucks when you make something really nice that takes ages and then they turn up their nose or just smear it everywhere

You're not petty!

gigglinggoblin · 23/02/2006 19:28

how old are they? could they fend for themselves if you told them you were only going to cook in future if they did the washing up? (properly). my friend and her sister used to cook for their parents from about the age of 13, they both really appreciate it now

Original poster
Somanykiddies · 23/02/2006 19:38

6, 9, 10, 13 and 14. We are on half term at the mo but they are ALL going school dinners next week! They can't even wash a cup up properly, I just feel like such a nag!

OP posts:
Trifle · 23/02/2006 19:46

If you have a dishwasher, why cant they put their dirty plates etc in there?

Original poster
Somanykiddies · 23/02/2006 19:47

Because I want them to be responsible and learn that it's not all take, take, take, they have to contribute something even if it's just washing up cups.

OP posts:
4blue1pink · 23/02/2006 19:50

how many is somany ???

Original poster
Somanykiddies · 23/02/2006 19:51

Five, 6, 9, 10 13 and 14.

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Trifle · 23/02/2006 19:52

Presumably you have a washing machine but dont expect them to handwash their clothes to 'be responbsible'. Reckon that getting them to load/unload dishwasher, clear table, tidy up etc might be more logical.

4blue1pink · 23/02/2006 19:54

i have just had my fifth and dh off back to work next week...

I will cope but the bit i DREAD is mealtimes ...the whole of it fills me with dread...i empathise completely.

I want to be a mum not a bl**dy cook!

Original poster
Somanykiddies · 23/02/2006 19:55

Trifle, by being responsible I mean that at some stage they must learn that they will have to do all these things for themselves as they get older, teaching them not to be useless domestically in the future. As for washing, yes, if it's not in the laundry as asked, when asked, they have to do it themselves.

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MarsOnLife · 23/02/2006 19:56

Are you prepared to be hardnosed and lay down the law? You need to have some consequences to hand. Then you need to act as though they are all tiny again and go into the constant telling mode.

It will be a hard slog for a few short weeks (I say short...) but it will be worth it in the end. You have to pysche yourself up, rant online and remind yourself that you are not a nag. You are a mother who is equipping her children for the future and teaching them to contribute in the running of a family home.

tigermoth · 23/02/2006 19:57

reading this with interest as I do all the washing up for us ( dh and two sons age 6 and 11) - no dishwasher. Very dry skin on my hands at the moment . Lots of home cooking, so that generates more work than ready meals. It is beginning to feel like a real chore, and I am feeling that my sons really could do a bit of washing up themselves (oldest one does lots of cooking though, so up to now this has been his contribution and I do value it).

Original poster
Somanykiddies · 23/02/2006 19:57

Thank you 4blue1pink, it is diffcult, my case is slightly different in that 3 are my dps, one has life threatening illness and we are getting married in 3 weeks. I just want a bit of co-operation and understanding, not just being the skivvy who cooks, cleans, runs them around at the drop of a hat. Sorry for the moan, dp been away working for last two days and I am sooooo down!

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Original poster
Somanykiddies · 23/02/2006 19:59

I think all children should do something to help. They live in a household not a hotel! We do lay down the law, but it is diffcult with varying ages/abilities. Just having a tough time at the moment.

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thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 23/02/2006 19:59

you have to introduce consequences/incentives that they care about - they clearly don't care about eating off dirty plates or having manky washing up water in the sink. What about tv/computer time/spending money? (and you're not being petty)

tigermoth · 23/02/2006 19:59

I know what you mean somanykiddies - being a mother is one thing, being the house servant is another.

gigglinggoblin · 23/02/2006 20:00

is there any reason they canot all eat veggie? spag bol can be done with quorn mince for everyone. or do the same meal with veggie alternatives like sausage & mash with veggie sausage. v little extra effort. stick up for yourself! if they want to starve thats their business (maybe not the 6yo, that might be a bit mean)

Original poster
Somanykiddies · 23/02/2006 20:01

Sd1 is expecing sleepover tomorrow night, cancelled. Have witheld them watching Nanny McFee since yesterday, they are busting to watch, told them why, but they still continue!

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tigermoth · 23/02/2006 20:01

up to now, I've let them off washing up because ds1 is often helpful with family cooking - stll doesn't help the washing up problem, though.

Original poster
Somanykiddies · 23/02/2006 20:04

Tigermoth, my sentiments exactly.

Gigglinggoblin, please don't get me started on the vege front, did that a couple of weeks ago. To cut a very long and painfull story short, the veggies don't eat veg! We all eat a lot of quorn, but we have to deal with one veggie who doesn't eat dairy or anything with lumps! Please don't go there!

I know it's all about give and take, they just seem to take and they have to pay the price, just wondered if anyone thought I was being particularly petty! Trifle obviously thinks so.

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4blue1pink · 23/02/2006 20:08

Yes Somany - you do need to lay down the law and work on the tacky but true sentiment 'happy mum happy kids'

DP needs to back you up too - mine are so lazy - sadly boys in particular aged 13.5 and 9.5 they need constant naggiing and have even said things to me like 'other children dont do jobs' astounding!

Original poster
Somanykiddies · 23/02/2006 20:12

4blue1pink, it is such a struggle. After nearly two years of constant struggle I have finally managed to get dp's 3 to eat at the table. Ex wife used to let them sit on the floor with dinner and watch TV or play on the playstation!!!! Hate to say it but they were almost heathen when we got together, traits still showing though in that one of them had a tomato ketcup sandwich for breakfast while I was in the shower!

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juuule · 24/02/2006 09:16

Just had to add to this thread as mealtimes drive me up the wall on a regular basis. Have threatened before now to 'just cook the stuff and tip straight from pan into the bin. Miss out the middleman and save on the washing up' Most times someone will say 'ooh we're not having that are we?' They all come in at different times. Teatime runs from 4pm to 9pm some nights. I get fed up of trying to think what to make. Get demoralised when making what I consider 'good food' and nobody really wants it and it's taken me all afternoon to prepare. And then the younger ones want to know when they can have chicken nuggets and chips or some such stuff and sit there pulling their faces when I won't let them. And then the tussle starts to get someone to wash-up.....and on and on it goes.

4blue1pink · 24/02/2006 20:26

lol somany!!

Look - just think of all the good your struggling is doing them long term...It WILL pay dividends but it will be hard.

They sound very lucky to have you!

mumeeee · 25/02/2006 16:25

Do you mean they each have to wash up their own breakfast things? sureley that is a bit of a waste of water.
I do expect my children to help with jobs around the house, but don't expect them to wash up their own breakfast things.They are all teenagers We tend to do one or two wash ups a day, not after every meal. I wouldn't expect a six year old to be able to wash up to my standard.
Isn't there any thing else you could ask them to do.
As for the food I'm afraid I'm strict on this and they all have to eat what I cook. I refuse to do different meals for each of them.