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Original poster

hes leaving me cause im fat

17 replies

nikki19 · 07/12/2003 06:38

my boyf of 4 years is leaving me because ive put on so much weight well actually a lot of weight i think well i no i eat when im lonley and upset wich is most of the time i realy love him but he said he is ashamed doesnt he think im bloody ashamed of me

OP posts:
M2T · 07/12/2003 09:22

My Dad told my Mum the other night that she was so fat that she has no friends and that nobody would even go to her funeral!!!

However, 3 years ago she went to a slimming class and lost 4 stone. He told her she was disgusting and haggard looking and shouldn't have lost so much weight. Weight isn't the issue here. Control is.

Consequently she is seeking legal advice.

Nikki19 - If he can be so shallow as to leave you and (presumably) a child?? then he is a complete wank!

Sounds like he is trying to make you lose weight by threatening to leave you. Its sick and controlling. Is this the first time this has happened???

I have put on 2 stone since DH and I met. It should NOT matter... I mean would it matter to you if he developed a beer gut??? May be he has already.

I think you should call his bluff and tell him that you will lose weight when YOU feel ready to do and him trying to break your self confidence is not really going to motivate you to do it. So if he wants to leave..... then let him. I doubt he will though. But then you've got to ask yourself if you want to stay with a man that can treat you like that.

Has he left already??

Davros · 07/12/2003 09:33

How can he be any good as a boyfriend if you often feel lonely? Agree this is nothing to do with weight but control. Try not to let him destroy your confidence, although it may be too late. I was with a boyfriend who did this to me, braying at everything I said and calling me stupid. I stopped saying what I thought and avoided doing lots of things. I went to weight watchers independently, without telling anyone and found it not only effective in losing weight but also very supportive. I got back my confidence and left him!
My husband first knew me thin but I've put on lots of weight, partly due to taking steroids but also due to pure enjoyment of food. It makes no difference to our relationship, love or respect for each other. I'd like to lose it but I don't feel I'm a less worthy person because of it.
Its a form of abuse, just not a very sophisticated one

samACon · 07/12/2003 10:27

I know from your other thread that the two of you have real problems with your families. Do you think he could just be lashing out at you because of that? The people closest to you always know the best way to hurt you, and he could be taking his anger at them out on you (which is no excuse).

hopey · 07/12/2003 14:34

You do not need this guy sapping your self esteem the way he is! Who does he think he is?This issue really gets my goat up as I had to put up with my ex-dp constantly going on about my weight and used it as a factor when he left. I wasn't even fat. You say you eat when your lonely and upset. Where is he at these moments? It sounds like you do not get the support from him you deserve and yet he's going on at you. I think you need to decide whether you really need this person. Personally, I feel he's bringing you down and you'll blossom without him.

Original poster
nikki19 · 07/12/2003 20:30

today he came home from karate with a air walker exercise machine and a abb flexer i really want to lose the weight and am going to try really hard i no it wont be easy and ive got a long way to go bit im not doing it for him im going to do it for me no m2t he hasnt left yet i dont thimk he will but i told he im ashamed of his fat gut too and we will do this together ge agreed so lets see how we go but sometimes hes such a tosser

OP posts:
Original poster
nikki19 · 07/12/2003 20:31

if i lose the weight im gonna take his bloody credit card and go clothes shopping lets see how he likes that eh!

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hopey · 07/12/2003 20:56

Thats it girl! Hit him where it hurts, his wallet. I really hope you do well. You sound determined enough. Just make sure its for you and not because of what he's said. Good luck

codswallop · 08/12/2003 13:37

fol de rol

motherinferior · 08/12/2003 15:21

I agree with Sam - you two have such a lot of cr*ap to cope with. But he's being totally out of order to talk to you like this.

Original poster
nikki19 · 08/12/2003 18:36

i think i need to go to my doctors ive got a real problem with food its like im addicted whenever im down i eat wich seems to be all the time will he takr me serously?

OP posts:
M2T · 08/12/2003 18:55

Nikki - I eat when I'm down, don't we all? How over weight are you, if you don't mind me asking??

Original poster
nikki19 · 08/12/2003 19:03

ive put on 5 stone in 2 years

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M2T · 08/12/2003 19:18

Do you think you have an eating disorder? Do you gorge yourself and make yourself sick?

I think if you are depressed the GP will help you. It certainly sounds like your situation is making you incredibly miserable. Perhaps you do need a little help to get back on track but more importantly you have to look at the problem that is making you miserable.

Rhubarb · 08/12/2003 19:23

Seems to me like the only thing you need to lose is that man of yours. How are you supposed to tackle your eating problem when you have him at home undermining your confidence and making you feel even worse about yourself? Tackle your weight issue by all means, but do it for yourself, not for him. Perhaps you wouldn't feel so lonely and depressed if he paid you a bit more attention and few compliments!

Get your girlfriends to help you out, buy some clothes a size smaller than you are to act as an incentive and plan a fabulous night out 2 months ahead so you have something to look forward to and time to lose a few pounds. But if you surround yourself with people who truly love you, then you won't feel so bad about yourself and that's when you really will lose weight, because you won't feel the need to binge anymore.

Food is only the symtom here, not the cause. See what changes you can make to your life, because even if you lose weight at this stage, I don't think you would be any happier. And I would certainly dump any man who threatened me in that way!

M2T · 08/12/2003 19:25

Much better advice Rhuby!!
No contractions yet?

Original poster
nikki19 · 08/12/2003 23:13

no i dont make myself sick but i do eat and eat till i fell like im gonna blow up i think i will go and my a smaller size clothes and have somthink to look forward to thank you for your advice

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 09/12/2003 10:41

Good luck Nikki - perhaps a visit to the GP would also help, make an appt with a counsellor. I think you have more issues to deal with than just food.

Nothing yet M2T!

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