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Original poster

My father in law has gone missing. What can I do?

77 replies

lucy5 · 21/02/2006 16:49

My father in law went to London to visit sil, he has been there many times before. He went out on friday morning and never came back. he is 73 elderly, has had/has a drink problem, has had a stroke and can be confused. My sil only phoned and told my bil yesterday and eventually through a message from Australia we found out this afternoon. Dh's family don't really have good relations and this particular sil has caused us big problems in the past, so we are not sure if she is telling the whole truth. Anyway thats another issue. What I need to know is if anyone has any tips, we have called the police and national missing help line.

OP posts:
Hausfrau · 22/02/2006 10:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marina · 22/02/2006 10:15

Lucy, I am so very sorry, just seen this. Thinking of you all.

SPARKLER1 · 22/02/2006 10:20

Such sad news Lucy5. As they helped before some more hugs coming from my way.
{{{{{{{hugs x lots}}}}}}
Stay strong.

fairyjay · 22/02/2006 10:27

How dreadful and sad. Thinking of you all.

Original poster
lucy5 · 22/02/2006 10:27

I think this is the firsst time, that I have felt faraway, as we can't really do anything from here.

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cyan · 22/02/2006 11:24

Lucy have just read the posting and am so sorry about your FIL. My heart goes out to you, your dh and your family x

Original poster
lucy5 · 22/02/2006 11:59

Thanks, just feel like I should be doing something. We are really out of the loop here.

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Mhamai · 22/02/2006 13:03

Thinking of you at this sad time [[[[[[hugs]]]]]

Original poster
lucy5 · 22/02/2006 13:11

Thanks Mhami, still no phone call, waiting is horrible.

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Yorkiegirl · 22/02/2006 13:16

Message withdrawn

Freckle · 22/02/2006 13:27

So sorry to hear this. What a terrible shock for you all.

bossykate · 22/02/2006 13:32

so sorry

Original poster
lucy5 · 22/02/2006 20:21

just a quick update. His death has been classed as accidental. The autopsy thought that he died from dry drowning, basically he was dead as he hit the water. they think that he had hypthermia which led to him taking his coat off and possibley trying toget intothe water tocool downit'sstillpatchy as we are stillrecieving news third hand. There is going to be an inquest but we can have the funeral as the circumstances are not suspicious. The family are already arguing.

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DumbledoresGirl · 22/02/2006 20:25

All I can say again Lucy, is that I am so sorry. What a tragic end to anyone's life. I can only hope that you and dh manage to stay out of the family fight and find the time to grieve.

Pruni · 22/02/2006 20:27

Message withdrawn

Flossam · 22/02/2006 20:28

Sorry to hear this sad news Lucy. I would really hope that this might bring some of the family back a bit closer together.

flashingnose · 22/02/2006 20:34

Lucy I'm so sorry - getting bad news when you're so far from home is devastating .

Chandra · 22/02/2006 21:23

Lucy, I posted here earlier but my post didn't show (have just realised), hope things are slightly getting calmer at home. How is DH doing?, I guess he will need lots and lots of support. Please help him not to pay attention to the family discussions, when DH's dad died my MIL went beligerant and into blaming her inlaws, it definitively made the mourning more painful for DH and SIL, even when in the case it was evident the ILs had nothing to do with it (FIL died of cancer). 5 years on we are still suffering the consequences of her behaviour.

Original poster
lucy5 · 22/02/2006 21:36

Thanks Chandra, dh is being remarkably calm but bil is absolutely seething. Unfortunately the sister with all the info as she is in London hates our guts and will not speak directly to us. Thats another story but she has serious mental health problems. She is releasing very littl information. She wants to have the funeral in london. My fil did not know a soul in London. He was a well respected man in his own community. Our fear is that she is going to arrange the funeral without giving us the chance to get there. I cant believe a family can behave like this, surely they should all be pulling together to do the right thing by their father.

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Original poster
lucy5 · 22/02/2006 21:37

I also cant believe that a day after her fathers death, she has already been to the bank and his on route from london to sort out his flat. Yet hasnt bothered to inform her brothers that their father is dead.

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Original poster
lucy5 · 22/02/2006 21:38

Sorry about your sad circumstances too.

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JanH · 22/02/2006 21:42

Oh lucy, I'm so sorry to hear that your SIL is being so unhelpful - can't any of the family speak to her and make her see that this isn't about her? Could your DH/BIL fly to London and sort things out? Who else is in the family?

I'm glad that the coroner's verdict was reassuring for you all anyway. Hugs. XXX

Original poster
lucy5 · 22/02/2006 21:47

thank you Jan, there are 7 siblings and various combinations of who speaks to who. " are in Australia, 2 in Spain, 1 in Ireland and 2 in the Uk. Nobody gets on with the mad sister, the other uk brother is now speaking to her but he has a fragile relationship with most of the others. I think dh is going to fly to England to try and sort things out. I cant get my head around a family doing this at such a sad time, you would think the death, surrounding circumstances and a decent funeral would be more important.

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JanH · 22/02/2006 21:49

You would, wouldn't you, lucy - but funerals seem to be as bad as weddings in that respect sometimes

Is there 1 person anywhere whose opinion would carry some weight with her?

Original poster
lucy5 · 22/02/2006 22:12

No there is no-one it used to be dh. but the rift between them is too deep although he has tried to phone her.

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