Favouritism in families makes me MAD!!!!!!!

[drosophila]

I just cannot abide it. Has anyone ever been the least favourite or most favourite. I would say I was 2nd least favourite after my brother in a family of five. I have two children and vow never to show any favouritism.

How do you know when you are the less favoured child or most favoured?

I was my father's favourite and my mother's least favourite - still am in fact.

I agree with you, it is not a healthy thing to have favourites, or rather, to show you have favourites (we can't help our inner feelings). I am naturally glad to be my father's favourite, but my relationhsip with my mother is very troubled, in a quiet, unstated way, and sadly I don't think it will be resolved before she dies. I feel very hurt to feel unloved by one of my parents.

someone i know isn't number one child and whilst they never complain you can tell they are hurt by it. makes me mad on their behalf

the worst thing for DP and I is that we can see our kids being treated as least fav grandchildren especially on DP's side. Two years DS's birthday was ignored not even a card for example...

My dad simply told all of us individually that we were his favorite (there are 5 of us). As a result we all thought we were his favorite and diddn't discover the truth until we were old enough to appreciate his unique parenting
I still know I am his favorite though

My mothers is like that Drosophila, that's why I have the cheak of reminfing her that DS also needs little attentions (as my nephews) no matter how far we live from them.

However, when my mum is here she only speaks about the wonders of my sister's children, everything DS does the other ones do it as well bigger or better. I was really getting anoyed with my mum unless my sister complained to me that DM only spoke about my DS when she was visiting my sister!!! Now I just see the problem as an innocent and huge lack of tact on the way she carries her conversations. Not sure at all if there's an actual favourite.

reminfing? that's a new one! reminding I meant to say

I wuv my babygirlywhirly more dan anywone ewlse... yesh I doooo I doooo yesh!

Pah they both scream, they both poo, they both do cute things, they're both geniuseses... DH does everything except the screaming bit (usually) I love them all the same.

I was an only one, equally hated in different ways by both parents

possibly worst than being the second fave, not sure!

Only child here too, from single parent family but I came down the line after

The dog
The cat
My mother's job
My mother's wanky partner (who looked like Jim Fenner from Bad Girls)
The car
The rubbish bin in the kitchen
Dog's excrement

Now, I should add my DS to the top of the list, as she dotes on him. I think it's guilt.

We were all favoured and detested in different ways. I have 2 sisters who are 7 and 8 yrs younger than me who are now most definetly the favourites. My middle sister is a complete nightmare child [I mean think up the worst most vile person and it would be her] but my mum thinks the answer to this is to spoil her rotten and put up with a torrent of abuse that nobody else would be able to even utter a word of. My youngest sister is the baby and the genius [complete opposite to my middle one..lol] she is studying for a law degree and generally constientious etc. Again she is spoilt wit material possessions and is favoured for her intelligence..I was favoured for being soo easy going but that changed in recent years as I didnt conform to the person they wanted[long story]so no longer favoured for anything but am they one they dont talk about..pmsl

theres 5 of us and it goes like this (most to least)
little bro (nothing is too much trouble for him - i mean nothing! he's 16 btw)
second eldest bro (26)
first eldest bro (28)
me (24)
my sister (26)

sometimes it bothers me, like when my mum says she'll come and see me and the kids and then 2 hours later she calls to say she cant make it because she's had to take lil bro to footy or cook him dinner.

intergalacticwalrus - your comment about your DS and guilt from your family, I think it's true. My DD (and my nephew) are doted on by FIL, think it is guilt for not being there for his own kids growing up.

it does make a difference

I have always felt that my mother favouritised my brother - even though she denied it and got cross with me.

My counsellor told me it doesnt matter what my mum says, my feelings are what count

I am trying desperately to treat my 2 equally

No surprises really that I was the least favourite in both my mum's side and dad's side of the family. My dad's mum, Granny R, doted on me which set the rest of them against me as I had a female cousin just 6 weeks older who was supposed to be the favourite but Granny favoured me. Of course when she died I became invisable to the rest of them which is how it stands now.

On my mum's side I was always set against my younger female cousin who was 18 months younger. She was the absolute favourite of everyone in the family and was I made to feel it, they were quite open about it from an early age. My mum was also not with the "in" part of her family and as a result I suffered too.

DH was favoured by his family but SIL soon put a stop to that and since he left home she made sure he also became out of the loop. We have nothing to do with them by choice.

I do all this to make sure that dts don't end up as screwed up as I have become because of it. It does leave a complex on the soul!

I was never the favourite with my mother because I was the 'mistake' that ruined her life.
At my db's 21st birthday party this weekend just gone, he asked me why I never went out with them. The on his face when I told him that I was never asked showed me that I was just not considered anymore since I left home.

I'm definitely the least favoured in my family. I'm the only one of my brothers and sisters who isn't invited to family parties, meals, general get-togethers etc. I usually only find out about them when someone else asks why I wasn't there or when one of the family slips up (as happened recently) and leaves the photos lying around. I can't imagine ever treating any of my own children in that way. I just don't get it tbh.

Quote on this from someone famous ( but I can't remember who)

"No I don't have favourites, but I know who I'd grab first in a fire"

I'm the youngest of 8 but have never felt there were any favourites, I suppose mum and dad were good at hinding any preferences they may have have by #8

I was the oldest of 3 girls and believe I was the "least favoured" I got the blame for everything. Youngest sis the "most favoured" and she's still a spoilt brat now at 21.

I would say I have the most respect for my Mum out of the 3 of us now so it didn't get her anywhere.

I try not to but DS is the youngest and is definitely a "mummy's boy" and DD is "daddy's girl".

intergalactic - maybe your Mum wanted a boy if she dotes on your DS

DO you think most parents have favourites?

drosophila - i can understand where you are coming from. me and dh are in the same boat. sil is a spoilt brat as are her dd's and it makes me so mad!!!

i was dad's fav and got bullied the most by older siblings .. or maybe it was because i got bullied .. dunno. I wasn't a spoilt brat, but i got away with some things more than other siblings.
My parents have said their fav grandchild is my dd2 tho.
i don't have favourites with my dd's .. i don't believe in having a favourite .. they're both mine and equally special

"I have always felt that my mother favouritised my brother - even though she denied it and got cross with me."

Oh same here mm. I also got told something along the lines of don't be stupid, how dare i think such a thing. To me at the time that just confirmed that I was right, although now I don't know whether it was just that she didn't know how to handle the situation.

I also wonder whether the oldest child often feels least favoured because we get (sometimes) all the "you should know better" type commemts, blamed if there's a fight/arguement etc etc etc.