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Original poster

I know grandparents are supposed to spoil the grandkids but ..... aaaaaarg!

17 replies

wannaBe1974 · 20/02/2006 13:48

This weekend my DH surprised me with a trip to the theatre and overnight stay in London. It was my birthday and as my present we went to see the lionking, and stayed up in London overnight. He'd been planning it for months, had arranged my mum to stay and look after DS overnight, and I knew nothing about it until I woke up horrified on Friday morning to discover DH' alarm hadn't gone off and he was still there and not at work, and then all was revealed - I was totally surprised and it was lovely.

We had a lovely time, and got back just after lunch on Saturday.

My mum told me that DS had behaved impeckably as always, so I was happy. He seemed a bit tired though but initially I put this down to the fact he'd probably been running around all morning and the day before. And only after my mum had been gone about an hour did I realize that he wasn't so much tired, but that he was coming down off a sugar high. don't know if anyone else's kids go through this, but sometimes, if DS has a lot of sugary things, with colourants etc, he's totally fine and happy, doesn't get hyper at all, but when the sugar wears off he is horrible, absolutely horrible, he has tantrums, is obviously tired, can't be reasoned with, is just a horrible, horrible child, not like his usual self at all. It generally does take a lot of sugar etc to get him to this level, so mercifully it does not happen often. but on Saturday he was the child from hell, and I was more than happy when I'd finally put him to bed.

I have since found out that, while my mum was looking after him, in a 20 hour period, he was given:

3 chocolate bars (similar to milky bars), a slice of chocolate cake (was my birthday cake), and to cap it all, a chocolate browny the size of a tea plate, and he was given this delicacy just before lunch with the excuce that "oh, I thought he'd only eat half, and then I was planning to have the other half, but then he ate it all!" and consequently didn't eat his lunch (hardly surprising) but was still given a packet of cheese watsits, and another bar of chocolate because "well I had to let him eat something!" . Apart from serial and toast, and some pasta for dinner the night before, he didn't eat one healthy thing.

When I asked my mum why she felt the need to give my DS quite so much junk food, she replied "well I feel I should give him whatever he wants, because otherwise he might not want to come again". What a load of absolute crap!

Now I totally realize that it is apparently grandparents' perogative to spoil their grandchildren, of course it is, but this just takes the P. I feel that a lovely weekend has been ruined by the fact she has pretty much fed my DS on pure sugar for 24 hours and I've then been left to deal with the consequences. I have no problem with him being given some treats while he's stayin with her but to feed him on pretty much pure sugar is just rediculous. It makes me very reluctant to ever leave him overnight with her again.

The woman clearly has no common sense (some might remember a post I made recently about how she treats my sister's DS) and she complains constantly about DN's behavior - maybe he behaves the way he does because all she feeds him on is crap. but I sure as hell don't remember ever being raised on sugar, in fact we were allowed sweets once a week, and that was it.

Rant over now sorry

OP posts:
Pagan · 20/02/2006 14:06

Best just to let it pass - it's an age thing, like they've forgotten what it's like to look after kids. Be glad that she was happy to look after DS at all, it's only once in a blue moon after all. I'd love to be whisked off somewhere overnight and as long as my kids were happy and alive when I got back I wouldn't sweat it too much.

Caligula · 20/02/2006 14:08

Only 3 bars of chocolate? My mother gives them about 5 a day. Followed by cake, mousse, pudding etc.

Will we be like htat?

LadySherlockofLGJ · 20/02/2006 14:10

A child that is fed sugar all weekend V's an overnight stay in London ???????

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm let me think..........

No competition.

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 20/02/2006 14:10

They can't win can they these poor grandparents.

Imagine you were the sort of family which does allow occasional sweet treats. But that your parents decided to feed your children nothing but ultra healthy food for the entire time and refused to give them anything remotely unhealthy.........probably complain then too

Hattie05 · 20/02/2006 14:10

How did you find out such exact details? Did you ask or did she offer.

Next time just don't ask its only once in a while, and at least you know you lo was in safe hands, with exception of a sugar rush!

melissasmummy · 20/02/2006 14:13

I too would be upset, but wouldn't let it ruin a good weekend. All children IMO, need someone who will spoil them & let them eat junk once in a while. It doesn't sound like it happens too often. Next time I would just ask her to make sure he has a good meal each meal time & then 1 or 2 treats.

PrettyCandles · 20/02/2006 14:16

It's frustrating when this happens, but, unless your parents will be looking after your children fairly frequently, it's better to let it lie.

My mum, after 4 years of my begging her not to give the children constant snacks between meals, and me struggling to leave her house in time to give them supper at home at a decent hour, finally understood what I was telling her when had both of them for the afternoon until dh collected them at 6.30pm. It was the first time in ages that she had had them for two meals and the time in-between.

Believe it or not, afterwards I got a lecture from her about making sure that they got their suppoer between 5.30 and 6pm, because otherwise they would be too tired. Apparently they had not been hungry for supper that early - because mum had given them peanut butter sandwiches (ie more than one each), coookies, breadsticks and yoghurt for afternoon snack. So when she gave them supper at 6.30 they were too tired to eat and the meal disintegrated into chaos. Finally, finally my mum understands that they should only have a small snack in the afternoon and supper early, and juice after the meal not before or during.

Some people will only believe what they have experienced. We are still their babies and Mummy still knows best.

zippitippitoes · 20/02/2006 14:26

Next time she has him just say don't give him a load of chocolate and sweet crap this time...

TinyGang · 20/02/2006 14:27

I'd let it go tbh, unless she's given him something he's dangerously allergic to.

My mil has my twins one afternoon most weeks (and I'm very grateful to her) but ds(4) mentioned that he wanted salt on his food the other day, 'cos Grandma gives it to me on chips' (and coke too aparantly). Hmm, I am rather annoyed, because this sounds like a regular thing as she has them every week. It's hard to criticise because she is a devoted Grandma and the arrangement helps me no end, but....

I've tried to put the onus a bit onto ds and explained it's not too good and to choose not to have it given the option. I'm going to (half jokingly) say to him in front of her next time 'and no salt if you have chips today remember' followed up with a 'he seems to have developed a taste for salt for some reason...' in a bemused manner to her and see if she gets the hint.

I don't like to come over too heavy handed with grandmas as they help me a lot. I don't mind some extra treats but yes they do go a bit overboard given half a chance. It's a fine line we all tread really.

TinyGang · 20/02/2006 14:30

Ooh my mum can be like that PrettyCandles - she has to experience the thing I've been trying to explain in vain, for herself - then tells me about it as though it's a revelation. Aaarrgh!

LoveMyGirls · 20/02/2006 14:56

my dds grandparents always let her stay up wayyyyyyy too late and when i pick her up the next day she is a nightmare so you completely have my sympathy as it takes days to get her to behave again.

Troutpout · 20/02/2006 15:10

I reckon you got off lightly wannabe.If i ever have grandchildren i will do exactly the same...and thoroughly spoil them.It's their parents job to do all the boring stuff ... i'm just gonna have fun with them.

CoolTurkey · 20/02/2006 15:26

Yes, but why wasn't I ever spoilt with chockies as a child? (And why does no one spoil me now, for that matter?) It's not fair.
My mum was strict about sweets because of my teeth and my grandparents gave me just one chocky bar /week.
So where has this compulsion to stuff children's children full of unhealthy fodder come from? Does it develop with age?
I aim to be a miserable old granny "Grr, kids get too much these days".

Original poster
wannaBe1974 · 20/02/2006 15:42

oh yeh, the weekend in London was fantastic, and my DH is the best. And I too remember not being allowed sweets as a child, and as I grew up away from my grandparents, such spoiling never happened to me.

I never really intended to say anything to her, after all she would take no notice anyway and would say I was just depriving DS of nice things so there wouldn't be much point,but that's the beauty of MN isn't it? We get to rant here and the grandparents are oblivious.

I do sincerely hope though that I learn from the experience, I think you can be a good granny without having to make it a materialistic experience.

I also think that the amounts of sweets/chocolate is different than it was when we were kids, because back then cakes/sweets/chocolate/crisps didn't contain nearly as many additives and colourants as they do these days, to the effect on kids wasn't quite as momentous.

OP posts:
sandyballs · 20/02/2006 15:51

God this is so familiar, you have my sympathies. My mum is the same. I've actually heard my DD's ask their nana for a banana or an apple and she has said "Oh no dear, you don't want too much fruit, have some chocolate instead". Very frustrating, but don't let it spoil your memory of a lovely weekend away. Your DH sounds great.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 20/02/2006 16:00

Agree with Wannabe here. Its bloody frustrating that my DDs grandparents think that to treat a child you have to give them something ultra sweet/full of sugar/chocolate. Aside from teh fact that my DD has various food allergies, she is more than happy - ecstatic often times at being given a box of raisins.

Why the need to fill up on junk when they know she'd be more than happy with raisins/banana/pear?

Waste of money and side effects arent worth it imo and my 2 yr old is no more happy for it.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 20/02/2006 16:03

I should add that my DD is just as happy at being able to spend time with her GPs and have their attention. Their time is worth far more to her IMO.

The giving of sweets and £1-£2 tatt toys only makes the GPs feel better really.

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