Is this Defamation of Character ????

[crystaltips]

Just for the record ... I am Getting scared ... and I am not sure what I should be doing about it.

I have/had a friend that I have posted about for a while who IMO is a bit "imbalanced".

In a nutshell - she has had loads of IVF ( to no avail ) followed by an affair and lo and behold she got pregnant and then terminated the pregnancy... and I know about it. If you are in any way interested her are the previous posts

Where I thought that she had miscarried : post 1

Where I realised that I had been betrayed : post2

Anyway all this information I kept close to my chest becuase in my view it's fairly explosive ... thought her DH knows about the lot (poor bloke)

However - just recently - it has come to my attention that this "friend" has been slagging me off to whoever will listen - about me "spreading rumours" about her having an affair ....( how awful of me after the poor dear "miscarried" )
I thought that all this was over as I decided to keep her at a distance. SHe obviously does not like this ( fairly jealous character at the best of times ) and has decided that to protect her back she bad mouths me ...

SIlly cow has now aroused suspicions amongst mutual friends - as they feel that there is no smoke without fire.

However I want to remain TOTALLY detached from this situation ... but can I do that when she is telling lies about me ...

Help me please .... I know that it sounds really un-important ... but why should I be "blackballed?"

Problem is that public perception is that she is Mrs Goodie-2-shoes and I am known to call a spade a spade

Hard as it is, IMO silence is your best ally. If you start to talk you will not be detached from the situation - talking will instantly involve you in it. Say nothing to your friends. The less they have to go on, the better. The less there is to fuel the fires of gossip, the better. Anything you say might be twisted by others anyway. Your friends's aren't stupid, I assume. Sooner or later they will draw their own conclusions. Silence will work in your favour in the long term.

I agree with Tigermoth, say nothing if possible...

However if your friends ask you directly, it is difficult not to provide some kind of answer...since silence in this situation could be seen as an admission of 'guilt'.

If this latter situation arises, why not explain to mutual friends that you and this other person are no longer close for reasons you are not prepared to discuss, but that you would like to go on record as totally refuting the suggestion that you have gossiped about her having an affair. This way you will come across as dignified and honest and in a better light than your muck spreading ex friend

Tigermoth hits the nail on the head as usual. I would even go so far as to say that if asked by others, simply change the subject onto the weather or something. Do not be drawn into this.

Cam,

Not sure I would agree - If I asked somebody directly about this and they just changed the subject, I might be tempted to think they have something to hide...

Thanks guys ... Silence I am sure is the correct approach - though it'll be damn hard. I'm like an open book and most of the time my feelings are written all over my face - but the less said the better - Thanks

hope it works out for you - silence might seem unnatural and hard at first but it will get easier as time goes by.

You might need to say something along the lines of HMC's suggestion, but really think before you do. What sort of friend would want to interrogate you about this anyway? What have you really got to gain by answering their question? Why are they asking you? just shrug and change the subject if you can.

hmc, know what you mean, but I'm still with Tigermoth here in that I just think its none of their business. If other people try to make ct's business their business they deserve no answer. She probably wouldn't be able to give them the answer they actually want (have probably pre-judged anyway) so will disbelieve her anyway. Ct has a right not to discuss anything she chooses.