Think I am making the hugest mistake

[popsycalindisguise]

Work
After lots of illness when pregnant with ds2 and an abysmal sick record since returning in September due to my health and umpteem health issues with ds2, I asked work to reduce my hours to two days per week. I have wanted this for so long and have struggled on and on with work whilst hating it so much. My health has suffered because of it. I want to spend more time with the boys before ds1 goes to school in September this year.

To my surprise, work have said I can work two days from wb 27.2.06 - but odd hours until september. Since they told me last week, I have spent my time sick with worry - about money, about being able to cope, about telling the childminder we can't afford her anymore (told her this morning and while she understand, I got myself into a right state driving away from her house)

I am petrified that I have done the wrong thing - not just for me - but for Dh and the boys too. What if I don't feel any better in myself working two days a week? What if the house if still a bombsite? What if the boys don't get as much out of life as they do with the childminder? What if I encourage ds2's insane clinginess by being there too much? What if we don't have enough money? What if dh resents me for not having to be in work?

Am I just blowing this all out of proportion?
I feel like cack

Message withdrawn

Oh, popsy...I've never "heard" you in such a muddle.

IME all 11 month olds are insanely clingy, I know all 3 of my ds's were. I think it's highly unlikey that you being at home more with make your little one worse.

Sorry to hear you health has been suffering, I'm sure reducing your will be a good thing....I'm positive it will be.
Good luck and enojy it.

God i got my self in a right tizz telling my mate that i couldn't have her kids any more tock me weeks to tell her i felt sick so i know how you feel, give your self a couple of weeks and you will wonder what you where so worried about [trust me]

I am more calm though still feel sad. DH thinks I am crackers!

Anyway. Onwards and upwards

Popsy - is there the slightest chance that you are a little depressed?

I may be reading too much into it, but there is something about the level of anxiety and fear of change combined with the fear of not changing that sounds a little bit on the depressed side????

You certainly do sound overwhelmed with it all at the moment - I hope this change gives you the chance to recharge your batteries and enjoy the life you want with your boys

I am soapbox, yes. Possibly starting meds soon

Oh Popsy

I hope you get it under control soon - this change will help a lot hopefully!

Are you having counselling as well?

Not yet.

I think it is very much situational to be honest rather than clinical/PND. Been v unhappy with work, leaving boys etc which i why I should be singing from the rafters with this news. But i am not!
bed for me - and another night with ds2 - the incredible non-sleeping nearly one year old!

I really hope it does the trick then popsy - you're much too nice to be suffering like this

I feel SO muh better today. I have spent the day with my boys pottering around. DS2 had a review at the hospital after having been admitted all last week and they are pretty sure things are fine. We have to go back in April just for a final check. I feel more on top of things and have made some decisions in my onw head regarding money etc. ALso saw childminder informally today and she was so lovely.

Still a bit jittery but overall feeling much better

thansk for your support