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Original poster

I think my nearly 17 year old brother is Bisexual

22 replies

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 12/02/2006 20:12

I / my family are pretty sure that My brother is either Gay or bisexual, hes been keeping a diary and one day it was left open on the pc (was an online diary type thing) and my mom read it. It was all about how he is coping with his bisexual feelings and also mentioned how him and a friend he has had for yars enjoy rolling round the bed and tickling etc...

Also, there have been incidences of male porn being found - which was blamed on my sister (20) although she venimnetly denies it..

We have no problem with him being gay or bi - what ever maes him happy, but how to approach it? Do we mention what we suspect? Do we wait for him to tell us?

Also my mom wants to know if she should still be allowing his friend up to his room? (If he bought home a girl then they would not be allowed alone in the bedroom - I wasnt allowed to have anyone in my bedroom til I was married!) and if it is a bad idea to let him have his friend upstairs, how to enforce it without having the whole 'gay' talk?

Also how can we show him that we think it is alright to be gay? without going over the top and making him to embarrassed?

Thanks xx

OP posts:

fedupofhearingit · 12/02/2006 20:14

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Original poster

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 12/02/2006 20:15

Oh Piss off you wierdo

OP posts:

Mercy · 12/02/2006 20:16

tamba, ignore it, s/he is doing the rounds tonight

nutcracker · 12/02/2006 20:17

Ignore it Tamba, it's posting all over the board, obviously hasn't taken it's medication today.

TBH I wouldn't probably say anything to him until you are sre, it may scare him off. Suppose you could just try and make it known that you don't dissaprover of it and then he might tell you.

bubblerock · 12/02/2006 20:18

He'll tell you when he's ready, just carry on as if you don't suspect. You can be ready to support him if he needs it but I personally wouldn't make an issue of it at all, it's his private life - as long as he's not having any trouble or anything I'd stay out of it.

lockets · 12/02/2006 20:18

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WigWamBam · 12/02/2006 20:22

I don't think you have to say anything - as long as he knows you love him and accept him for who he is that's all you can do. His sexuality doesn't change him and it shouldn't change his family's behaviour around him either.

MUM007 · 12/02/2006 20:23

Have you thought that maybe he wanted you to find the notes on the PC. This would have saved the embarrassment of him telling you all himself. Maybe he wants someone to confront him with it. Once it is out in the open you can all find a way of starting to deal with it. He can then start living his life the way he wants to.
Good Luck x

spacedonkey · 12/02/2006 20:23

I agree with WWB. There's no need to say anything at all.

Original poster

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 12/02/2006 20:23

I am ignoring the troll - its sunday night prime feeding time for trolls

Thing is, its his best friend that he talks about playing tickling and teasig games with... and my moms main concern is that, if it was a girl he was talking about doing this stuff with then she would not allow him to have her upstairs alone so should it be different that its a boy - also given that the legal age for gay people to have sex is 18 (or is it??)

I am very shallow - I am just hoping that he is the 'stereotypical' gay man who gives great advice on men and shoes

I do think also, that he is very lucky to have a family so accepting of him, whatever his preferences turn out to be - I just hope he realises it

Made me laugh though as my poor mom, everytime someone gay comes on the telly says something along the lines of "oh, look hes gay and its so alright to be blah blah blah" bless her - shes trying her best i was on my brothers behalf lol

OP posts:

7777777 · 12/02/2006 20:33

like you say tamba hes very lucky to have such a loving family

flutterbee · 12/02/2006 20:44

Tamba my younger brother is Gay he's now 20 but I knew from when he was about 14, I think you just do know these things. It was never spoken about but it was just so damn abvious.

He eventually told my parents when he was 17, he walked into the kitchen when mum was cooking and dad was at the kitchen tabke and told mum to sit down he had something important to say, my mum told him she couldn't sit down as she was cooking so he just blurted out "I just though I should let you know I'm gay" they both just carried on what they were doing and my mum said to him "well there is no need to make such a fuss I never felt the need to announce that I was hetrosexual to my parents"

He told me this was the best responce ever, he had been so scared he had been making plans to contact connexsions if my parents threw him out (this would never happen) he had been agonising over it for years, I told him I had known for years and he was truely shocked we had guessed.

Just let him "come out" in his own time and even then don't make a big fuss I think what my Mum said was soooooo true.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 12/02/2006 20:46

Tamba, can you not have a quiet word with him, just to say that he can talk to you about anything if he wants to etc etc and see what happens. As long as he knows all his family are supportive of him i think he will be fine.

kleggie · 12/02/2006 21:05

Tamba- my db is bisexual. He admitted it to me when I was about 16 and iirc I casually told my Mum about it over lunch one day (something along the lines of 'db's spent a ridiculous amount of money on a very tight t-shirt. Typical bisexual that he is.' Mum's response?: 'Fabulous!).

In terms of the how to deal with him having 'friends' in his room, if your Mum doesn't want him at it under her roof then she should have a very general non-gender specific chat with him. Something along the lines of 'I want you to know that I am very proud of you and will be very pleased when you start to bring partners home to visit. But I want you to respect that I did not allow Tamba to have her partners in her bedroom and I would like it if you could follow suit.'

I do, however, agree that he probably left the diary up on purpose. If he wanted to hide it he would have been much more careful. Think he wants somebody to at least hint at the subject for him.

Sounds like you have a lovely family!

Original poster

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 12/02/2006 21:11

Thanks

I guess I will just have to wait for him to tell us in his own time!

OP posts:

kama · 12/02/2006 21:25

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QE2 · 12/02/2006 21:33

First of all - piss off to the tosser posting a load of shite on the threads. Grow up ffs.

Tamba - fwiw re your brother. You don't need to say anything to him, he will tell you if he wants to and when he is ready. Mind you, leaving the diary thing open may have been his way of letting you know so he didn't have to tell anyone directly iyswim.

He is still the same person you all love and respect and your dealings and feelings towards him should just carry on as normal imo. As for the friend up to his bedroom - well it's tricky if you don't know for sure that they are a romantic interest. I had this with my dd and her girlfriend but we did know they were romantically involved so the bedroom thing was a no-go - same as if it were a boyfriend.

You could try approaching your brother the same way I did with my dd. I just casually said to her that if I didn't know better I would say you fancied X, the way you are always talking about her and think she is the best thing since sliced bread. dd took my cue and opened up and told me all about her girlfriend. Maybe your db will do the same with a similar approach?

Original poster

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 12/02/2006 21:38

QE2

I have always admired the openess in which you and your dd talk - you are a great mom to have that level of trust between yourselves and your dd is very lucky.

Me and my brother are not overly close. He lives at home with my mom and stepdad and younger brother, I moved out when he was 11 so dont see all that much of him. It is difficult to see someone you have always viewed as a child, growing up at times and i think that the realiastion that he has thoughts and feelings has shocked me a little.

I will , i think, just make it clear to him that he can tell me if he wants and hopefully he will take the hint and confide. It must be hard for him to feel this way and not have told anyone.

OP posts:

WestCountryLass · 12/02/2006 21:45

We all knew my DB was gay and my Mum even confronted him and said "if you are gay jsut tell me" or something along those lines Of course DB denied it what with being put on the spot and all. Am loving Flutterbees Mum!!!! I think this is the best sort of approach and I also think Kleggies advise on BFs in bedrooms is great too!

flutterbee · 13/02/2006 10:27

I have to say my very middle class mother now thinks that she is ultra hip because one of her sons is gay and her daughter (me) married a black man PMSL

Original poster

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 13/02/2006 10:29

lol flutterbee

OP posts:

WestCountryLass · 13/02/2006 13:39

Your mum sounds ace Flutterbee!

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