How can I help my DP?

[Smurfgirl]

My boyfriend is really struggeling with uni. He is doing Computer Science.

He failed some exams in his 1st year, but resat and passed them.
He failed his second year, and then failed the resits but was allowed to retake the year.
He then failed his second year again, but passed the resits after being diagnosed as dyslexic.
He has just failed his first set of 3rd year exams.

He has already lost the hons part of his degree.

He is really upset about this, he has spent a lot of money being at uni for 4 years and he feels like he is going nowhere. He has a very poor short term memory and finds revision almost impossible, he has failed some exams 5 times now because of this. He has had support for his dyslexia and it seems to make no difference.

He did poorly in his A'Levels and is worried that if he leaves uni he will be stuck doing jobs that you need no qualifications for which is not what he wants. He wants to earn ok money doing something at least semi-skilled.

He works p/t at PC World but only likes the technical side, not the sales side. He is very good at both the customer service and technical side. He is a clever person and I hate seeing him feeling so helpless.

He has considered the police but its near to impossible to get into at the moment. He says most computer jobs require a degree and experience and that working at PC World doesn't count.

It is very hard on him that I do do very well at uni, I feel bad because I do get good marks and I actually have my degree (we started at the same time) and am now on my second degree.

This is dead dead long so two questions.

1. What can he do jobswise, and to try and get his degree?
2. How can I help him emotionally?

Smurfgirl, I thought they had to take into account his dsylexia when marking his exams ???

if not is not worth asking what alternatives are availble to him ( SEN). If his like the techincal side of PC, surely this would be the way forward/ pratical/course work. Ask what's available, I known my niece change her degree course. Hope this helps larsxx

Smurfgirl, that should read ask what options are available to him. larsxx

Seems like a degree with more focus on coursework and practical experience might help him make the most of his abilities? My dh is an IT contractor of many years' standing with no degree, barely even a CSE to his name, but that was then and this is now.

First off I think he should talk to careers/student advisers at his uni. Some people are just not good at exams, but the fact he is doing well at the technical side of his PC World job means he's not daft. More vocational training might be the way to go - NVQs or similar in a workplace setting.

Emotionally it's more tricky as he clearly wants to succeed academically (which you have) even though it's not best suited to his abilities. Hopefully by re-channeling his energies, you can make sure you're not 'competing' in an arena where he's always going to feel like a bit of a failure in comparison. Equally there's no reason for you not to be proud of your successes!

I just wanted to say that my brother was in a simialr situation. He did really badly in his alevels and dropped out of university after two years having resat his first year and failed his second year. He applied for loads of jobs and is now working in Milton Keynes as an IT tech/help/supportdesk guy for a medical company.

The guy who employed him gave him the job over two more qualified candidates, because he had an enthusiasm and knowledge of his subject that shone through. He has always loved computers, worked in computer shops and was always up with the latest technology and he impressed the guy with that. He started on basic wage (about £12,000) but he is getting all his training paid for by the company and he should be on a lot more in the future. There are lots of opportunities out there for him, my brother also got offered two other similar jobs and his reading and writing is not so hot either. He also prefers the technical side.

With regards to emotional support, perhaps you could persuade him to start applying for jobs 'just in case', remind him that university is not for everyone and really does not ensure a job at the end of it. There are still plenty of jobs out there for experienced and motivated people. To a certain extent I understand how you feel as I have always been the golden girl, I have good alevels and an MA from a good university, and am also on my second degree, so people autmatically compare us. We just encouraged my brother at every step of the way and supported his decisions. If you think your boyfriend would benefit from talking to my brother email me at [email protected] and I will pass his details on.

Bump.

DH was in a similar position, in that he dropped out of his engineering degree in his 3rd year. He drove buses for a couple of year, got fed up with hassle from the public, then started off doing data entry for minimum wage with the Police, and because he was very good with computers, got a few promotions and is now a Data Analyst for the Police.

Like other posters have said, he could look at changing degree or doing a different more practically based qualification, or apply for some jobs - say maybe helpdesk type jobs that don't necessarily require a degree.

Your DP needs to see his student advice centre, his careers service, and the study skills or learning support team if his university has them.

Also, make sure that he is getting the right level of support for his dyslexia. If you don't feel the initial assessment was correct you can apply for a re-assessment, and this can be funded by the Access to Learning Fund, as long as he hasn't used it yet this academic year.

It sounds harsh, but some people just aren't suited to university courses. The careers service can help find work alternatives, or your dp could look at studying at a different institution - perhaps a FE college that offers HE courses?

Reminds me of my Dh skills-wise who also has been a programmer, and is an electronics whizz kid but struggles with dyslexia so can't write an essay which would get him a degree, therefore has had to pursue other avenues until can afford to get something he designed CE tested ready to market.

Firstly, my BIL has the worst-ever degree you can imagine, resat loads of times, now earns £45K as a trouble shooter, barely literate but he has found his 'niche'. it's worth trying to finish to get that degree, once you have ajob you can go on talent alone.

Secondly, his wage is severely bettered by another friend who dropped out at year 2 and got himself a job, worked up and now has own business doing pretty much what your DH would like to do. So please don't despair, to students like us, I think a degree seems worth more than it might actually be in the real world.

He should see the disability rep at Uni, for a start.
The uni should be able to make lots of avenues available to him: my friend at Uni has just been diagnosed with dyslexia and after packing in his last course, has annoyed us all by getting straight A+'s so far, just because of the help. it's often little things: background colours, typing notes into a palmheld computer rather than writing them, I even read that red tinted glasses can help- there's lots out there if you can access it.

Have a look on the net at other UNi's and you will see there is an incredible variety of ways to get an IT degree. Mine offers loads, in every variant from animatronics to games design. But there is also the OU, FE colleges; and what about electronics?

My ex got into IT because he had a maths degree and all they wanted was 'a degree'. Is there some other modules he can take to complete, and then go this route? Once Dan-the-man got his job they had him on practical stuff ofr ages, said it was far more important than the rest.

Sorry, not A+s just coz of help- coz of ability obv, what I meant is that grade RISE was because of help

He does have his exams marked differently because of his dyslexia, which is why he is so down hearted.

He is really struggeling to see beyond uni at the moment, he won't consider a change of degree, or doing something else at college mostly because of money issues.

He does do really well course work wise (A/B type grades) but on his exams he does appalingly (last mark was 14) to my mind ther MUST be something going on to get such a discrepancy, something doesn't seem quite right.#

How would he start out in looking for jobs suitable for him? I totally don't know how to help him on that because I work in quite a specific field. Woul the uni careers advice people be able to help him fnd non-graduate jobs?

Please excuse my typing!

Yes t Uni careers being able to help.

Hmmmm, (sorry I'm very anecdotal today) worked with a guy once, had a first and wanted to teach but couldn't pass Maths GCSe- 6 fails, i think. Anyhow, he went to a hypnotherapist because we thought it might be performance anxiety (no, not that type- I wish- he was gorgeous!) and lo and behold he got an A.

Thing is, the more you fail the more you believe you will fail. Anxiety treatment of one type or another (maybe hypno, maybe counselling or seeing a relaxation specialist) may be all he needs.