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Original poster

Can my ex-husband put my dd into care without my permission?

16 replies

spacedonkey · 11/02/2006 15:22

I don't think he can, but I wondered if anyone can confirm this for me?

We separated 7 years ago. Both ds and dd lived with me until just over a year ago, when they both went to live with him (long story, posted about it before, don't want to bore you). For the last few months 14 yr old dd has been a problem (truancy, falling in with a "bad" crowd). Ex husband can't cope with her, so she has moved back to live with me.

I'm currently on benefits. When I mentioned to him that I would have to rearrange the benefits now that dd is living with me again permanently, he threw a huge wobbler and said that he will have her put into care.

His words were: "I have total autonomy now - HEED IT"

I'm so sick of this

OP posts:
hercules · 11/02/2006 15:26

I cant see why or how it could be possible considering she has a home with you. I would phone ss to put your mind at rest.

oh and tell him to feck off as well.

waterfalls · 11/02/2006 15:27

He's A STUPID IDIOT.
I think (but dont quote me) that once a child reaches age 13 or 14, that can decide where they live, at least this is what I was told when I ran away from my dad to go back to my mum at 12yrs, that once I reach 13/14 he could not demand me back even though I was uin his custody, but I am going back 15 years.

Original poster
spacedonkey · 11/02/2006 15:29

Thank you for your replies

I can't see how they would do that either, when she has a good home with one of her parents, but I'll take your advice herc and ring social services to check.

We're not divorced, so there is nothing on paper re: custody of the children.

The bloke's a lunatic.

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Original poster
spacedonkey · 11/02/2006 15:30

He's just sent me a text saying:

"I ain't joining the force for nothing"

I think he has flipped.

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waterfalls · 11/02/2006 15:33

Let him carry on making a fool of himself, and get ss to visit him to pur him straight, he will be laughing on the other side of his face.

Kidstrack2 · 11/02/2006 15:42

He is having you on, I'm in Scotland of course don't know if its different in other parts of the country, A father has no authority in placing a child in Local Authority Care without the permission of the Mother. And also as your dd is 14yrs of age the social Work Dept would let your dd voice her own opinions. Anyway Social Work Depts struggle finding placements for children as it is, so your dd wouldn't be taken into care lightly for behaviour/teenage rebellion Iyswim

Original poster
spacedonkey · 11/02/2006 15:44

Thank you, I thought that would be the case, but it has made me panic.

My son is staying with me for half term. I don't know if I can send him back to live with someone as unhinged as his father seems to be. I will seek professional advice on Monday about this.

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motherinferior · 11/02/2006 15:44

He is talking utter, complete and comprehensive arse.

Original poster
spacedonkey · 11/02/2006 15:47

He's also threatening to report me to the DSS and local authority because he says I have "rich people" living with me, and he will "make sure they watch your every move".

My dp doesn't actually live here (he lives 5 mins down the road, although he spends quite a lot of time with me it's true), and he certainly isn't rich. The other person is my mum, who is staying with me temporarily (she lives in Italy) and whose income is about £70 a week (she's a pensioner ffs!).

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motherinferior · 11/02/2006 15:48

Even more arse. And frankly he is giving you all the ammunition you might wish, I would have thought, for pointing out he is not a fit parent for them to be with.

Soooooooooo sorry you're going through this, sweetie, I really am.

Original poster
spacedonkey · 11/02/2006 15:50

If it wasn't for him I wouldn't have had that nervous breakdown in the first place, and wouldn't be living on benefits now.

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Original poster
spacedonkey · 11/02/2006 16:05

He has said all of this via text messages today. I haven't replied to him (I honestly think that he's flipped). Should I ignore it? I don't know what to do

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MamaG · 11/02/2006 16:07

Poor you! He definitely can NOT put your DD or DS in care. The only way they would be put in care is if you were neglecting them/abusing them - FACT.

As you are on benefits, go to a Solicitor with a Legal Aid franchise - if possible, get one from www.sfla.org.uk who list specialist family lawyers. You should get free legal advice and may get a Residence Order.

Oh, and do tell him to feck off!

MamaG · 11/02/2006 16:07

Keep your text messages from him.

Don't reply.

Show the Solicitor on Monday.

Kidstrack2 · 11/02/2006 16:11

Just ignore him and keep the texts, your benefits will not be affected as long as your dp doesn't stay over for more than 3nights per week, anymore than this is classed as living together

Original poster
spacedonkey · 11/02/2006 16:12

Thank you for your advice everybody - I won't reply, and will seek help on Monday (thanks for that link MamaG)

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