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Original poster

Would you tell someone Else's child to shut up?

23 replies

angelcake99 · 06/02/2006 18:02

An old friend came round for a chat. My ds who is year old amused himself very well while we had a chat and at one point he began doing his usual chatter noises. Nothing loud and certainly not interrupting our conversation. But my friend took it upon herself to tell him to be quiet, i didn't react at the time as i was a bit surprised. But it happened again later as she was leaving. He wasn't in my opinion being noisy, i am cross with myself for not saying something. Should i say something in the future, she is a teacher and at times speaks to me like im a naughty pupil. I am not the most assertive person in the world when it comes to confronting people. Should i say something? Is it okay for another person to tell your child to be quiet? I'd appreciate some advice on this please, im feeling so cross with myself right now

OP posts:

LeahE · 06/02/2006 18:09

To start off with, not much point telling a one-year old to be quiet, I'd have thought. And no, under the circumstances you've described I wouldn't tell someone else's child to be quiet. She was a guest in what is your DS's home as well as yours, and so shouldn't interfere with him doing something in his own home that is perfectly OK with you (within reason, of course -- I'm sure there are exceptions that I could think of if I tried hard enough).

Yes, I'd say something if it happens again, although I'm not sure how to phrase it without seeming hostile.

Twiglett · 06/02/2006 18:11

yes I would

but not in the situation you describe and certainly not for a baby or child under 4 or 5

Hulababy · 06/02/2006 18:14

Definitely not in these circumstances. No point in telling a baby to shut up anyway. She was out of order.

Might do with an older child, but I would give mum a chance first, and only if really noisy and interrupting our conversion. then I would do it politely - you know, kind of "ooh, just a minute xxx, I can't her what your mummy just said". I wouldn't say Shut Up, Be quiet or Stop being noisy though.

jalopy · 06/02/2006 18:17

No. What a cheek! I'd would have left it up to the mum.

carlk · 06/02/2006 18:21

Does she have kids of her own, if not it's prolly pre-parenting ignorance, she probably doesn't know any better.

rummum · 06/02/2006 18:21

I think she must have had her teacher hat on
next time tell her "its ok, your not in the classroom now" and smile at her (through gritted teeth)

rummum · 06/02/2006 18:21

I forgot to add that she probably didn't even realise she was doing it...

FrannyandZooey · 06/02/2006 18:22

Anyone who tells a one year old to shut up, except as a joke, has lost the plot IMO.

harpsichordcarrier · 06/02/2006 18:25

absolutely LOST THE PLOT
wasting her breath etc
I agree with rummum and carlk
she sounds like a bit of a moooooo actually (sorry)

dexter · 06/02/2006 18:28

very rude of her indeed. rumum's idea was perfect, if she ever does it again remind her she's not in a classroom now!

Tortington · 06/02/2006 18:56

not a baby. no. ( i try not to see friends who have babies)

older children. yes. i have said " excuse me i think i was talking to your mother. i will speak to you when i am finished"

doormat · 06/02/2006 18:59

sorry but I would of lamped her
would never tell anyone elses child to shut up or be quiet

lars · 06/02/2006 19:05

I don't think it's her place to say that to your child and highly rude.

A Teacher, that appears to have no patience, by all accounts does she like her job??? just a thought!

I think next if she says anything i would have say something a little sacastic I'm afraid like sorry he is a noisy must be to do with his age ( slight reminder that he is a young child and that's what they do). larsxx

Piggiesmum · 06/02/2006 20:44

I'd have been extremely annoyed too. I don't even tolerate my parents (even half jokingly) telling ds (4months) to shut up so certainly wouldn't tolerate anyone else. Although like you I didn't say anything the first time, was too suprised. I was ready for them the next time though.

Tanzie · 06/02/2006 21:17

Child yes, baby no.

colditz · 06/02/2006 21:21

3 year old, I would say something like "I'm talking to your mummy now, let me finish and then you can tell me, ok?"

1 year old, I would probably ignore friend and barble back to baby

melissasmummy · 06/02/2006 21:35

Sorry for the hijack, Angelcake, Was thinking wbout you the other day. Have you had much luck with support with regards to your sons CL?

Original poster

angelcake99 · 07/02/2006 09:13

Thanks for all of the responses, i feel alot better about this now (although spent all last night going over what i should have said or will say next time).

The suggestion of saying 'your not at school now/ he's only one' answer is the way i will be going if it happens again. Or if im whimping out i will simply go and play with him and encourage Ds to make even more noise

I'm just so cross at myself for not saying something straight away!

I agree that a year old should not be told to shut up unless in v. extreeme circumstances, i will be ready for her next time!!

MM- i have taken a look at the wonderful CLAPPA web site you mentioned, its really good and i have found one of the groups there to be a big help! So thanks for the recommendation

OP posts:

fairyjay · 07/02/2006 09:53

angelcake
Perhaps next time it might be worth getting together when you've not got your baby with you - if that ever happens!
I gather your son was born with a cleft lip. My son was born with a cleft lip and palate - he's 14 in a couple of weeks. If he was the one your friend told to be quiet I'd be well angry, these kids need to be encouraged to make as much and as many different sounds as possible - all the time!!

Original poster

angelcake99 · 07/02/2006 11:31

Fairyjay- its good to hear from you, thanks for the words of encourragement. Yes, it was my son with the cleft lip that was told to shut up. You are right that any child should not be slienced when they are finding their voice and exploring sound and language, and perhaps especially when they could have problems in that area. TBH i didn't think of it like that, but now i feel as mad as ever.

I know that to some i may be blowing this out of proportion but this isn't the first flippant comment that has come from this particular friend. I think i need to seriously consider if i want her around. I just don't want this to happen again. It says alot about the way i handled it too though, not very well.

Thanks everyone, i do think i need to speak with her on our own as you suggested.

OP posts:

melissasmummy · 07/02/2006 12:38

Angelcake, gald you have found some help/support.

Tortington · 07/02/2006 17:32

ifyour friends not not kids - give her some leeway. i have friends despite their children

Socci · 07/02/2006 17:48

Message withdrawn

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