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Original poster

Is it patronising when people beg for money to offer to buy them food..

23 replies

Twiglett · 06/02/2006 12:08

#not sure whether that demonstrates a lack of trust in 'beggar' as a person .. if they ask for money and you are willing to give it .. should it maybe not be up to them how it is spent?

OP posts:

tigermoth · 06/02/2006 12:26

It's impractical. IMO No need to agonise further. Beggers,charity collectors,sponsorship money - it's too difficlut to find out exactly what happens to every penny you give.

Rhubarb · 06/02/2006 12:28

If I see a beggar I might buy them a sandwich and a hot drink. It's never refused and I know that even if they use people's money to shoot drugs, they've had a half-decent meal that day anyway!

NotQuiteCockney · 06/02/2006 12:30

I've bought food for people, but it's been people I knew, more or less. Actually, the only one I can think of was the Big Issue seller near my work while I was pg with DS1.

A (big, male) friend back home used to go with them to a niceish fast food place or whatever and eat with them, I think. Which seems better, more sociable, iyswim.

Levanna · 06/02/2006 12:30

I deliberate over this!

I give spare change occasionally, if I have it. I would feel I was being patronising otherwise. Everyone/thing says I should offer food rather than money but I just don't feel comfortable with it.

What do you do Twiglett?

NotQuiteCockney · 06/02/2006 12:31

Oh, and I know it's often substance abuse that's got people into such a bad situation, but at the same time, I know that if I was homeless, I'd probably want to drink or whatever.

Rhubarb · 06/02/2006 12:34

Tbh the food is always gratefully received and I'd much rather do that than give them money. I don't think it's patronising at all!

SorenLorensen · 06/02/2006 12:38

Jeremy Vine was talking about this very subject on R2 last week. He was talking to the author of a book about a homeless man - I think it's called "Stuart, A Life Backwards" and he said although he can understand why people give food rather than money (you don't know if it will go on drink and drugs) Stuart sometimes used to be given 3 lots of, say, BigMac and Chips by 9.30 in the morning and if he tried to say no thankyou to them would get a lot of abuse. He also pointed out that it's all very well to say they shouldn't be drinking/taking drugs - but Stuart would try and get himself into a drug/drink induced stupor, particularly on winter nights, because it was the only way he could pass out and 'sleep' on a bitterly cold night. He's dead now, not surprisingly

I don't know the answer either.

DaddyCool · 06/02/2006 12:50

i once saw a beggar receiving food from some lady who he had obviously asked for money from and she had refused.

she must have gone by the local market and returned with a bag full of food.

she was going through with him what he had..."now i've got you a loaf of bread and some lovely bits of ham... olivio spread... and they had these yoghourts on offer and I thought you'd like them...

He looked really pissed off LOL.

Rhubarb · 06/02/2006 12:55

LOL! I usually get them a pie or something they can eat there and then, I wouldn't do their food shopping for them!

Rhubarb · 06/02/2006 12:56

Hot drinks go down well.

FrannyandZooey · 06/02/2006 13:04

I mostly see homeless people outside Sainsburys, which works well because you can then say "Can I get you anything?" as you are going in. A sandwich is usually well-received as it can be saved for later, or given to a friend.

Original poster

Twiglett · 06/02/2006 13:09

bloke this morning wanted a pint of milk or a milkshake so I got him both (had offered him cooked breakfast in cafe or a sanwich which he refused).. he was nice said thanks

but as I walked away I wondered whether I'd just patronised him totally or not .. feel slightly uncomfortable with my actions tbh

OP posts:

DaddyCool · 06/02/2006 13:14

i don't give anything. i ignore them.

crumpet · 06/02/2006 13:14

When I've offered money or food/a hot drink before now - the food and a coffee has been preferred option. But I can see why not if they have already been given several portions.

Rhubarb · 06/02/2006 13:15

DC, I'm surprised you even go out!

DaddyCool · 06/02/2006 13:18

... rarely and the sun hurts my skin.

trice · 06/02/2006 13:26

I don't give money to beggars as I find it uncomfortable to be begged from and so do not want to encourage them. Substance abusers aren't allowed in hostels as they are often violent. Giving money directly to a substance abuser could result in them being unable to find a bed for the night.

I can't see any harm coming from buying someone a cup of tea though.

trice · 06/02/2006 13:27

Give the money to shelter instead.

Surfermum · 06/02/2006 13:31

I gave money to a homeless man recently. I asked if he'd tried the Night Shelter and he said that it was full, but that he would need £2.50 for a bed there anyway and he was hoping to collect enough to pay for a bed the next night. I was only going to give him a pound, but gave him the £2.50 so he could go the next night.

Greensleeves · 06/02/2006 14:10

When I went to Oxford for my interviews when I was 17 I had never seen beggars before and was really shocked when a woman with a little girl came up and asked me for money to feed her daughter. I gave her all the money I had on me - £30!! I wouldn't do that now, obviously. And I am often suspicious that some of the people who beg are trying it on. However I do still give sometimes, especially to people who are on their own in the dark or cold. I can't believe anyone would be in that sort of predicament unless they had no choice for one reason or another. I've slept "out" once or twice myself, and it is cold, frightening, lonely.... not something anyone would really choose. I probably wouldn't give people food instead of cash because I would be afraid of upsetting or offending them - but I can see why people do, especially if an alcohol/drug dependence is suspected.

trice · 06/02/2006 14:16

Giving money to one of the homeless charities is a much more efficient way of helping homeless people than giving money to beggars.

vicimelly · 06/02/2006 14:19

I don't think It's patronising at all, I often buy food for people asking for money and every time I have done it's been very gratefully received.

sharklet · 06/02/2006 14:27

I have often given food in the past. I never give money as it will generally go on drink or drugs. I never just ignore beggars though and try to pretent they're not there.

I did find a freind on the streets once in Covent Garden. I treid to help her with, place to stay, money, job, food etc etc. But she was scitzophrenic and in a real state. Her family had been looking for her for 3 years. So at least I managed to get them back in touch. She vanished again after a while and I did see her again a year later - on the streets, off her hed and shouting at buildings to get off her. She's dead now. I often wish I could have helped her more, but she didnt want to be helped.

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