DH's lot are really hacking him off

[Pfer]

Dh went to see his little brothers yesterday. They live about an hour away and due to various reasons we don't get to see them much - reasons being one has an enormous rottweiler which he won't put outside or in another room and he and his dp smoke heavily even if kids are there - the other brother just won't let us go to his house for some reason. We invite them here but they always have an excuse for not coming. Ok, we don't mind that much but...

As I said DH went over yesterday because one of them is having a bit of a depression stage - according to his GP mainly brought on by his drug abuse - which we knew nothing about. Anyway DH went to see if he was ok, he is and is apparently trying to get help to get sorted. The other brother was there, he's getting married in September in Cyprus. Very nice, am happy for him, but he's being horrid to DH about it because

a) we can't afford for us all to go so it'd be DH alone which hacked them off in the first place when we told them 6 months ago.

b) looking at prices last night the only way DH can go is if he manages a last minute booking and then there's no way you can guarantee you'll get one is there? and as he can't give a 100% definate answer he's getting in the neck.

c) They haven't got enough money for their reception and DH won't offer any help - they know our situation.

d) DH keeps in touch with their dad and they don't and haven't told him about the wedding and expect DH to, then get him to contribute. Surely it's up to them to tell him they're getting married?

e) They want DH to take the wedding photo's for them - he's sold all his photo gear and would have to get another camera which we can't afford and they won't offer.

Basically, they're all skint and want DH to help them out. We've told them time and time again that we are broke too and really we could do with some of the cash that they borrowed a couple of years ago that they were paying back within 6 months - yeah right.

DH is really miffed with them at the moment. And TBH so am I. Seems like they only ever want to see him when they want something, they really are selfish little sh*ts. They always have been.

Sorry, just wanted to have a mini rant.

Hard as it may be, your dh really has to stand up to them. Why do they think that you have money? If they are skint, it's entirely possible that you are too, especially as you have children too. I can't believe that they don't keep in touch with their dad but would expect him to contribute to their wedding. Unbelievable.

What ethnic group are they, Pfer? I suppose their expectations are coloured by something cultural, but even so, can't blame your DH for being very annoyed.
NO idea what he could do to make things better, alas.

MsZebra - White, british no religion. Does that make them it ok for them to be dickheads?

Freckle that's the bit that annoys me the most. Expecting DH to tell their father that they are getting married and oh, can they have some money for it? FFS They've not seen him since their Grandfathers funeral 1 and a half years ago.. They drive past the city where he lives every 2 or 3 weeks to see the eldest brother and don't pop in to see him or us or even phone. But hey, don't worry we'll not feed the kids for a few months and I'm sure we can cut the toes out of their shoes to make them last a little longer, here's some money! Yeh, right.

Gosh, Pfer, don't have to be so rude, do you? Sheesh.
I thought they might be Greek or Turkish.

Hey, sorry, just reread! Wasn't being rude honest! Just that I think they're dickheads!

Sorry x 1 zillion!

Blimey, they sound a pita, I would duck out of the wedding altogether I think, citing poverty. If they're THAT Broke, how come they can afford to get married abroad?

gosh they do sound grim, and completely lacking in empathy/consideration for others. It's in no way usual for siblings to contribute to weddings.

I would avoid them, not go to the wedding, not bother seeing them. If people are being horrid, why bother with them?

Heres the really funny thing, when they told us they were getting married abroad it was because it's cheaper as it costs as least 20K to have a small wedding here (ours was under 3k honeymoon included) and because they didn't want DIL coming! So, they don't want to tell him, don't want him to go, but want him to pay!

TBH I've no intention of going and I think that DH is thinking much the same after yesterdays visit.

It costs at least 20K to have a small wedding in the UK???? /thud

they sound like teenagers who've never grown up.

MTS that's just what they are, yet they are adults believe it or not.

My future SIL came to our house for the first time and said 'leather sofa's.............ooohh' in a highly sarcastic tone, which p'd me off a little as I didn't feel that meeting me for the first time and taking the p was a good start to a relationship. Now they've got them.

They all drink a lot, take drugs, smoke like troopers (even though future sil has asthma! makes sense huh).

I just can't be bothered with them. They all snipe and DH for not being one of the gang anymore, they can't seem to see the wife and kids in the background and the mortgage that needs to be paid every month. They spend all their cash and expect us to help bail them out. Well, they've got a surprise coming this time. DH is a soft touch and would usually try to help, but I hold the purse strings now and they aint getting a penny.