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Original poster

Another child or not another child. That is the question.......

15 replies

northerner · 04/02/2006 22:59

I know only I can answer this question, but you know what us women are like. We like to talk things over

I have one ds who is 4 in April. He's adorable, cute and hard bloomin work! I work 3 days a week and absolutely love my job. We've not thought of having another one upto now as we need my income and we simply could not afford childacre for 2 but also could not afford for me to stay at home IYSWIM. So, I'm thinking that come September when ds starts school I will increase my work days to 4 and have 1 lovely day a week at home by myself. Haven. We will have more disposable income. Do I want to throw this away and have another baby?

In the early days with ds I felt like a fish out of water at work and don't want to go through that again. Am waiting for maternal rush but it's not happenning. I turn 30 this year so plenty of time ahead but then worry about age gap.

Sigh. I don't know.........

OP posts:

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/02/2006 23:01

Well, childcare would be for just one child when DS goes to school surely? So now is a good time to try for another, if you feel ready? You can go back to work as soon as you'd like after no2 is born.

Beetroot · 04/02/2006 23:01

you won't be able to wear city shorts either

Aloha · 04/02/2006 23:01

Imagine yourself at 50. Do you see yourself happy with your ds at 20 and no other children, or do you envisage things differently?
When I did this exercise, I always envisaged more children round the table, on holiday, at Christmas. Actually I'd prefer three, but hey ho!

Original poster

northerner · 04/02/2006 23:03

Nothing comes between me and my city shorts.

OP posts:

Yorkiegirl · 04/02/2006 23:03

Message withdrawn

lucy5 · 04/02/2006 23:04

I think you'll know when the time is right. I have a dd who is 5 and when she was little I was desperate for another but the time wasnt right andthen for the last couple of years i,ve been enjoying the freedom. I have been torturing myself that i should have another and thinking the gap was too big and thought i had definitely decided not to have another. well this week I thought I might be pregnant aand I was so excited and just knew it was the right thing. My period started this morning!

Original poster

northerner · 04/02/2006 23:06

No, it's not like we only planned for 1 child. More than we haven't felt the desire for another. Dh is easy either way. I'm an only child and don't see this negatively so don't worry about that. But kind of feel I 'should' have another, asif it's expected. Also, as ds is nearly 4 I feel totally out of the babyhood thing.

OP posts:

Aloha · 04/02/2006 23:07

Ok so close your eyes. Imagine yourself and dh at 40 (or 50), think of what you imagine your life - your holidays, your day to day life - how many children are there?

Original poster

northerner · 04/02/2006 23:08

Oh, Lucy that's just how I feel. We started TTC in November, thinking it was what I wanted. Now I'm questioning it.

OP posts:

Original poster

northerner · 04/02/2006 23:10

Aloha, it's easy for me to imagine 1 child cause that's the memories I have being an only child.

OP posts:

lucy5 · 04/02/2006 23:13

I was thinking that if i got preggers by accident, it would be the easy option and i would stop analysing everything. Well that obviously didnt happen but life would have been much easier if it had.

Original poster

northerner · 04/02/2006 23:14

Well guys thanks for the input. Am off to bed now to analyse baby scenario again

OP posts:

Aloha · 04/02/2006 23:16

Yes, but if you project yourself into your ideal future what do you see? I only say this because this was what made my decision easy. When I really tried to imagine my ideal future, there was always more than one child. But I can easily see that someone else's ideal would be one. The more vividly you imagine yourself at 40 the easier it can get. I started late, so always imagined myself at 50+ and saw a busy household a table with more people around it, boyfriends and girlfriends visiting, us on holiday with the kids in the pool...

WideWebWitch · 05/02/2006 00:07

northerner, the second one is so, so, much easier, or it was for me anyway. And I have a 6yr gap and it's fab.

bobbybobbobbingalong · 05/02/2006 00:29

It's not about the money, or the gap - it's about whether you want another child. If no maternal rush is happening then just carry on as you are. You know the earliest you can have another is when your ds starts school - you will also have an idea about the latest you are prepared to risk leaving it.

So personally I would wait until that maternal rush hits you, or you get close to your own fertility comfort zone.

Ds is 3 in a couple of weeks and I have no maternal feelings for another. I work with babies, so I see plenty, so I'm convinced that I am not going to get clucky any time soon. I am 33 and dh is 41, so my own personal fertility and financial comfort zone is around 35. I like the idea of ds being an only child a lot more than I like the idea of having another.

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