Calling Mums with more than 1child.

[Northerner]

Did you always know that you wanted more than 1? My ds is 19 months, and I do not feel that I am ready to have another child. I feel our family is complete, and can not imagine ever feeling broody again. Dh thinks next year would be a good time to try for number 2, I don't.

A friend of mine had her first baby 6 weeks ago, and she already knows she wants another soon. She sees her family with 2 kids.

Just wondered what your experiences are.

I always had visions of having three children, not so sure now that Ive got 2 under 2! Although I can't imagine at 25 not ever experiencing pregnancy again, or the fantastic experience of childbirth.
The first time we had ds1 and 2 together in the car, I felt like we were a 'real' family for the first time, and was really happy with my boys. So it depends on how I dh and I feel in the future. Certainly no more till they are both at school!
It does feel more complete for me with two, but some people feel that when they've had one. It depends on how you feel yourself. (How many 'feel's' in that sentence?!

I have 3 siblings and loved having them as we grew up together. Love the relationship we have with each other now that we're adults and having children of our own. Right now, we just have ne dd. Thought we would have 2, but now want 3 possibly 4. Having had more than one m/c makes me (us) want more than 2! Can't wait until we have another!
hana

We started thinking about another when dd1 was about 2 1/2. It took us until she was nearly 5 before dd2 was born. We were both happy having 2 children, but ds1 and 2 sneaked along anyway.

I was never sure if I wanted more than one. The debate and neither was DH. I knew that if we did have another one it would need to be a school age gap as I wouldn't have coped otherwise. DD started school this September and the plan was to think about it this Christmas. However, last year's Xmas festivities got a bit much and DS turned up a week after DD started school !!

I don't think I have ever felt broody, neither of my pregnancies were, but I love both to bits now they are here. I am really glad DS happened as he did. If we'd have had to make a decision I don't think we would have gone ahead, and I know can't imagine life without him.

I always knew that I wanted more than 1 child, but it is almost 5 years between my children and that's how I wanted it. The-age gap was planned, but I always felt like it was a place waiting to be filled in my family. Like elena2, I felt this empty place in the car and also around the dining table. I still feel there is a place around the table waiting for number 3 now.....
Perhaps it is right for you to only have one child or perhaps you will feel ready for one later? I have a friend who always knew she only wanted one child (She is herslef an only child). Sometimes it is not easy to know if it is yuor choice to have another child or if you are just doing what's expected by everyone around you ? It most be difficult if you and your Dh can't agree though.

Northerner,

I only have one child, but I am expecting number 2. I definitely felt that there was 'unfinished business' and that my family was incomplete at just the three of us....hence this pregnancy

Fairymum, I'm an only child too and I think that this has something to do with it. Perhaps because I have no experience of a sibling relationship, I'm unaware of what ds could miss out on. Where as dh has 1 brother and a step brother.

I have always wanted two children and now we have ds1 and ds2 I feel we are a family. I didn't feel complete until we had ds2. Maybe wanting 2 children came about because I am one of two. I even tried for the same age gap as the one between my brother and i although i missed by a couple of months !

I felt (and still feel) very strongly about having a sibling. I love having a brother and now that our parents are getting older and having problems (health and otherwise) it is lovely to know we have each other to talk to and help each other. My father is an only child and when his parents died I noticed how "alone" he was even though he had his children. My mother has a brother and I saw the difference when her parents died.

I hate to be the constant depression on mumsnet but i am so glad i've got two children. They can support each other now daddy has gone

Before we had childre, DH and i decided we would have two. But after my first DS i had PND, it was so hard i said i wanted to stick with one.
But five years after DS1, i started to get broody. We now have a 19 month old as well. I would now like to have another!! So you never know, in time things change.
(Just have to convince DH about no3!)

Hi Northerner
I knew that I always wanted two children. I have a 2 yr 1 month gap and soon as DD was born I knew my family was complete.

SNAP Kazziegirl. I have two boys (22 months apart). I always wanted two, it just seemed so right for me, and for us. I remember thinking about 'the next one' 30mins after giving birth to ds1! I knew as soon as I was pregnant with ds2 that I didn't want any more, and have really never felt broody since. (He's 4.5 now).

I knew I didn't want 2!! (Being the elder sister of mummy's blue-eyed boy )

It was going to have to be 1 or 3, and as I don't actually like children the thought of having to have other people's children with us on trips as company for DD ensured that we went for 3.... & DS3 arrived as an afterthought 2 years after our 3rd & final child..

The empty place that Fairymum describes though, I still feel that. For many years it feels like we are 1 short, but with 4 teenagers i think it will have to stay that way.

I was an only child and always felt that if I had children I would have more than one. When DH and I married neither of us wanted children, although I always said if we have one we have to have another. We decided to start a family and DH and I agreed on two but now that we have two I want a third , only problem is how to convince DH.

Always wanted 4, but realised that after 2, it was all I was going to be able to afford! 3 was never an option, as I was a classic piggy in the middle child. Funnily enough, I'm no longer in that situation, as I'm much closer to my older sister now and our brother has drifted away.

I am one of four and so wanted 4 ... very close together like we were ...
Then I had DS ... and changed my mind - never again I thought ...
Until he was coming up for 2 and we realised that we didn't want him to be an only child ...

So he is nearly 4 and Number 2 is due in 10 weeks time

I knew as soon as I had delivered that I wanted another one. I could never have imagined just having one child. I always wanted 4 and that was what I had. I am one of 5 myself and although my sisters and I fought when we were young, we treasure our relationships now.

when my son reached two ( doctors corect me please) i felt a kind of biological "want" to have more children.

i had twins, god was havin' a larf!

looking back i was nieve and silly - although morally money shouldnt have anything to do with it - reality dictates it should.

i thik one is a wonderful number - one to devote all your time eneryg and money - one university fee to find, one wedding bill to pay. one set of problems and troubles to help.

i love all my children of course i do. but i would advocate to anyone ONE is a magic number!

sorry i didnt say what i wanted - i mean i work so hard to provide for three children sometimes i feel i am selling them short - i dont have the time for them that i should - i definatley dont have the money. i know i get 3 times the love and the joy but you get 3 times the worry and the pain and the worry and the worry!

i love them i love them i love them.

i could have been a better parent to one child definatley

tallulah, i can truely sympathise with being the big sister to mummy's blue eyed boy. I gave my brother the nickname "Precious" !

that's really interesting custardo - you don't hear that said often and I think it's really honest.

I think there are advantages and disadvantages for any size of family - siblings can be wonderful - my dh's relationship with his 3 bros is fantastic - but I have a very difficult and distressing relationship with my sister.

I have two and would love a third in the next couple of years, but am hoping for another boy as I'm nervous about having a pair of sisters in my family. I know that's not right but I worry that I would favour the younger because of my big sister being so dominant.

Sorry wandering off topic there, just trying to say that you should go with what your heart tells you, northerner - just be prepared that it might tell you something different on a couple of years!

I've always wanted at least 3, and after ds was born, I could happily envisage doing it all again in a couple of years as it was so wonderful to hold him and feel that love for the first time. Now he is 11 months, and funnily enough, I am not at all keen to plan no.2 Somehow ds has fulfilled all my broody maternal instincts (and boy was I broody!) I know we will have more, I love the idea of siblings, and having someone around to play with etc, and I love my brothers, and love the fact that my ds has cousins his age, but I certainly don't long for no. 2 like I did for no. 1. I think that no.2 will be a head decision, rather than a heart one, which isn't to say that I won't be potty about him/her as soon as he/she arrives. I think it night also be to do with the fact that ds is such a lovely, delightful easy going baby, and I worry that no.2 might be different.

custardo - I'm in exactly the same situ, dd was 3 when we had twin dds, whilst at times I feel envious of mums with one - there are many times when we have so much fun. But I always wanted 3 so I have myself to blame!!! (well actually I guess DH had a part to play as well )