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Original poster

Will you give your children you prejudices?

30 replies

Pfer · 27/01/2006 17:27

After reading one thread in particular today I thought I'd ask this question.

We are all prejudice about something...me? I hate people who are always late for meetings, I hate people asking for your advice and then ignoring it completely, I hate death in the name of religion, I hate people who are unnaccepting of others colour/creed/sex/race/sexuality etc. But at the same time I accept all of these things as part and parcel of the world. I know we are all different. I don't say people are wrong if their opinion is different to mine, but I will question it to try to gain understanding of where they are coming from.

I for one will try my damndest to give my children UPR (unconditional positive regard) in other words the intelligence enough to accept peoples differences whether you like them or not. I will be teaching that it's wrong to persecute others just because they are different from you.

Won't you all be doing the same?

OP posts:
Hulababy · 27/01/2006 17:29

I will certainly be trying to do that.

sharklet · 27/01/2006 17:31

I'd like to think I won't - but they will watch us react to things and some stuff is bound to rub off however hard you try. Saying that i would never try to tell DD what to think.

meowmix · 27/01/2006 17:33

yeh you're spot on we are all prejudiced in some way (me - religious missionaries (esp the ones who come to my door), intolerance, bad manners and the cult of mediocrity etc). However much I'd like to think I won't pass these on to DS the chances are he will pick up something from that list. Hopefully we'll be able to talk about why I feel the way I feel and what the alternatives are.

I think one of the reasons I get so het up about what I see as bigotry is that its such a waste of intelligence - fine have your beliefs but for christsake know why you do and be able to explain when challenged.

interesting point tho pfer. thanks

Dinosaur · 27/01/2006 17:33

I don't think that I can teach my kids that it's okay to be accepting of other people's views if those views are racist or bigoted!

prettybird · 27/01/2006 17:36

... yes, about people who smoke, probably.

Can't stand the habit and hate the fact that your clothes stink whenever you've been somewhere where people smoke.

Unofortunately - that includes the PILs, so any presents or anything that has been at there house for even a short time stink.

We haven't said anything in front of ds, but I am sure he will pick it up.

I actually quite like my PILs!

hercules · 27/01/2006 17:36

I agree about not respecting bigotted and racist viewpoints.

hercules · 27/01/2006 17:37

Oh god, I confess a little to the smoking one too.

meowmix · 27/01/2006 17:38

yeah me too on the smoking one. bad bad bad

PeachyClair · 27/01/2006 17:46

I will be doing my best certainly, but I don't suppose I'll ever be able to disguise my disgust when nick Griffin or similar people come on the TV. And the smoking one too- but that's for the sake of their health so i think that's OK.

onefootinthegravy · 27/01/2006 17:47

Pfer, I totally agree with you're viewpoint on this, I do try to do this with my dd, sometime its difficult to know what to say.........

I was with my dd 2.10 taking her to playschool the other day and we walked past a really very large lady - my dd shouts ' Look, look mummy that lady's really fat isn't she?' She has never been around people making negative comments about being fat and it was all very innocent. I apologised to the lady and scurried off very embarassed. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't very nice to shout out like that about being fat, by I wonder if I did the right thing, she knows that being rude is wrong, but she did seem a little confused after this episode.

MarsOnLife · 27/01/2006 17:47

without a doubt!

MarsOnLife · 27/01/2006 17:47

sorry, I answered the thread title question, not the question at the end of the op.

kalex · 27/01/2006 17:49

oh goodness PB, I didnt realise you disliked it si strongly!! promise not to smoke at the next adults meet

HRHQueenOfQuelNoel · 27/01/2006 17:51

"I don't say people are wrong if their opinion is different to mine, but I will question it to try to gain understanding of where they are coming from.
"
Well in that case you're not prejudice....as it's not preconcieved.

aghhhh - gosh I don't know how to put this.

I think the words bigotry and prejudic are often thrown around without any thought for what they actually mean. "Likes" and "dislikes" are probably more approariate for some of these.

But to answer the op - I agree totally with your last paragraph

Meanoldmummy · 27/01/2006 18:59

I think I'll continue finding it easy to give my children unconditional positive regard, because I just adore them, and admire them, and am amazed by them, and a bit in awe of them. I am able to be authoritative with them and to that extent "control" their behaviour while they are young and they need it. However, I can't see me ever being judgemental or contemptuous of anything they do. That just isn't the dynamic in how I feel about them IYSWIM.

What's more problematical is whether or not I will pass on any prejudices I have about others. Almost certainly, yes. Some because I'm not aware of them, others because they are ingrained in my sense of humour or way of life. Others perhaps because I would want to pass them on. But I hope that I will temper this with some conscious training in general tolerance and a peaceable, loving outlook. That way my children will be equipped to think for themselves and disagree with me if their consciences tell them to.

I think it's a great question

Blu · 27/01/2006 19:06

I really would like to give my DS my values - without the bits i am less proud of, or don't live up to myself.

I'm not sure what my prejudices are, and that's the danger of prejudices. They are perniscious and we take our thoughts and feelings for granted until someone says something which challenges our assumptions / judgements.

I am very aware how easy it is to pass on value-laden judgements, since DS is vehemently sure he will never eat a turkey twizzler!

Tortington · 28/01/2006 01:57

we pass on our values in life. i highly value family becuase i never lived in a noisy house ( just me & mum) so i love it mostly.

hope they treat people as they would like to be treated and not judge a book by its cover.

think i am failing in the be patient with people bit. an trying though.

Tortington · 28/01/2006 02:44

so inanswer to your question, yes i think parents do pass on predjudice. i have heard the foulest things come out of little peoples gobs. usually racist remarks, that when asked they cannot justify. and worse put it down to "they" have all the jobs and my dad can get one.

does your dad read the sun per chance?

Dinosaur · 29/01/2006 17:42

HRHQoQ - I grew up in Ulster, don't worry I know exactly what bigoted means!

Dinosaur · 29/01/2006 17:43

...and I wish people on here would stop bandying around terms like "chav" and "chavtastic" because you WILL pass those attitudes on to your kids too. And it's out of order.

Blossomhill · 29/01/2006 17:48

Absloutely. My ds is so sensitive and caring towards his friend. One particular friend was being racially abused by another child and his df's mum was telling me infront of my ds.
Anyway later on my ds said "mum I don't care what's on the outside, it's the inside that counts, that's the bit I like".
I was so choked but also really proud of him. He mixes with lots of different children with special needs/disability/race etc and I think it's great. If we were all the same the world would be a boring place.
We are not racist at all btw!

Maybe being anti-smoking may rub off on him but that is not a bad thing at all IMO

Enid · 29/01/2006 17:49

all my prejudices are bound to rub off on the dds

I expect they will either agree or violently disagree

and lo, characters are made

codnotmud · 29/01/2006 18:01

but pfer you have bap slap
how can you be unprejudiced

prettybird · 30/01/2006 08:52

Kalex- don't worry - I'm not that prejudiced!

.... and anyway - you said you were looking forward to the Scottish smoking ban as it would encourage you to give up!

Anchovy · 30/01/2006 09:10

I was flicking through the TV the other day trying to find something "suitable" and said "Oh no, not Power Rangers, we're not watching them - they are PANTS" and DS - 4.3 - said to me very seriously "You never know Mum, you've never watched them so maybe you should try first and then make up your mind"

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